Thurston Howell III
Jonas Grumby (The Skipper)
Eunice Wentworth 'Lovey' Howell
Mary Ann Summers
At various times Gilligan, Mary Ann, and Ginger are shown dialing numbers at random in hopes of finding a stranger who will help them off of the island. Why don't they just dial the phone numbers of the people that they know? Mary Ann has relatives in Kansas, and I'm sure Ginger has associates in Hollywood.
Professor: Let's cross the yellow vine over the green vine.
Skipper: Right. The yellow over the green.
Professor: Now we know we picked up Hawaii on the green wire and Australia on the yellow.
Skipper: And certainly Peru came in very clearly over the brown wire.
Professor: That's right. That should mean that the Western Hemisphere should come in over the brown, the yellow, or the green wire.
Skipper: And certainly the United States should come in very clearly on the red, white, and the blue.
Professor: Skipper, telephone wires just don't work that way. Now the key to the pattern seems to be the red wire.
Skipper: But the red wire must be a direct line to Moscow.
Professor: Skipper, I said that telephone wires simple don't work that way.
Skipper: All right, Professor, but I sure hope you know what you're doing. We spent a lot of man hours putting these colored vines up.
Professor: Well it's the only way to solve any problem: logic. Now using the deductive form of reasoning the wires used more frequently should relate to the United States which has more telephones per capita than any county in the world. Now the combination of the color with other colors should indicate a progressive ratio scale with other countries, proportionate to the percentage of phones located in those countries. It's really very easy, isn't it?
Skipper: Easy for you. Difficult for me.
Professor: You know if hadn't occurred to me, that it might be difficult to find a call with a language we could understand.
Ginger: I speak a little Spanish.
Lovey: I speak fluent French and Italian.
Skipper: Well I'm pretty good with a few of the island dialects.
Professor: Of course, I speak Latin.
Thurston: That'll help if we happen to get a pharmacist!
Mary Ann: I'm afraid I can only speak English.
Gilligan: I know some slang.
Thurston: I know the universal language: money.
Professor: Each one of these telephone lines is capable of transmitting 50 calls simultaneously. Right now, there are over 2,000 calls being carried through them.
Ginger: Just think of all the girls being called for dates now.
Gilligan: Think of all the wrong numbers.
Thurston: Think of all that income.
Gilligan: How do you know there's gas in there?
Skipper: Oh, there's gas in there.
Gilligan: You can't see it.
Skipper: But, Gilligan, gas is invisible. You don't see gas.
Gilligan: I'd better check to be sure.
Skipper: Gilligan! Don't do that!
(Gilligan falls down after inhaling the gas)
Gilligan: How do you want your cable: rare, medium, or well done?
Skipper: What do you think, Professor?
Professor: Well ,the fire isn't hot enough. We must increase the intensity or the heat.
Skipper: Yes, if only Gilligan hadn't thrown that blowtorch over before the Minnow got beached.
Ginger: I forgot about that. (she writes that down)
Professor: The blowtorch. Skipper, we can make one.
Skipper: We can?
Professor: Certainly. The natural gas springs on the other side of the island. We can contain the gas in a water bottle.
Skipper: Oh no another blade?
Professor: It hardly scratched the surface. I don't think there's anything on this island hard enough to cut through [the wire].
Gilligan: There must be something.
Skipper: Oh use your head, Gilligan.
Gilligan: I don't think it's hard enough.
Skipper: Professor, I saw we make a break in the line. Then the phone company will have to send out a repair crew. And they'll have to find the break and we're saved!
Professor: But communications aren't that simple, Skipper. The company anticipates breaks in the cable. And they automatically re-circuit calls to bypass the breaks. It might be two or three months before they send out a repair crew.
Skipper: Oh but what else can we do?
Professor: Well I think that by using parts from the radio I can tap into the lines and we'll literally be able to call for her.
Skipper: Gilligan, why don't you go hunt up some turtle eggs? They ought to be easy to find now.
Gilligan: Skipper, that's one thing I can't get used to, turtle eggs. Chicken eggs, yeah-
Skipper: Gilligan, an egg is an egg.
Gilligan: I know Skipper, but every time I look down at the plate all I can see is sunny-side turtles.
Operator: I'm sorry, sir, if you wish me to keep this line open, you must deposite ten cents.
Gilligan: Lady, listen! We're stranded on a deserted island, and we found this telephone cable, and we tapped into it, and there's no booth or coin slot or even a phone!!
Operator: Why do I get all the nuts? (disconnects the line)
Theme of episode: There are some people who never seem to do wrong, and there are some who never seem to do right.
While she is better known as Gladys Kravitz, the nosy neighbor on "Bewitched", Sandra Gould is featured as a terse telephone operator in this episode.
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