Gilmore Girls

Rory: Don't let the TV shows fool you, kiddies. Crime doesn't pay.

(after Rory has been arrested for stealing a yacht; Lorelai's telling Luke about it) Lorelai: Rory never even shoplifted. Not a candy bar, not a lipstick. She forgot to return a library book once. And she was so guilty about it that she grounded herself. I mean, can you imagine? She's just sitting there in her bedroom yelling at me, "Now no-one else got to read the Iliad this week because of me!"

Lorelai: Look, Rory, I know that what Mitchum said hurt you and it shook your confidence, but that's just one man's opinion. Rory: That's not why I'm doing this. And Mitchum Huntzburger just happens to be one of the biggest newspaper writers in the world. Lorelai: So? Rory: So if you're going to take one man's opinion, his is the one to take.

Lorelai: I know you're hurt and you're confused, but you're acting incredibly immature, and you need to snap out of it. This is too important. You've worked toward going to Yale your whole life! Rory: No. I was working toward Harvard my whole life. Lorelai: Then go to Harvard. That's cool. Rory: I don't want to go to Harvard! Lorelai: Then go to Princeton or Columbia. Rory: I want time off. Lorelai: If you take time off now, you'll never go back. You'll lose momentum. Rory: Momentum toward what? I don't want to do that. I don't want to be at Yale where everyone has a direction and a focus, and I'm just floating.

Lorelai: Listen, I know you two love the Huntzburgers and have already planned the wedding, but I have to tell you these are not good people. Richard: What do you mean? Lorelai: Logan's parents attacked Rory at that dinner they invited her to. They told her she was not good enough to marry into the Huntzburger family. Emily: Not good enough?? Lorelai: That's why Mitchum gave her this internship. He let her work for a while, he built her up, and then he clobbered her. He told her that she doesn't have what it takes to be a journalist and that she needs to find something else to do with her life. Richard: What? Lorelai: That's why Rory wasn't at dinner last Friday. She was devastated. And then she and Logan went out and stole a yacht. Richard: Now hold on! Lorelai: Ever since she got involved with these people, things have been bad. She's up, she's down, and she should be stronger than this, I know, but she's young and she's Rory, and she's come so far. I just don't want her to lose this.

Rory: I'm not going back to Yale. I just wanted you to know that. Lorelai: Message sent!

(Lane is distressed over the band's situation, during band meeting) Lane: What's going on here? Are we breaking up? Zach: What?! Oh, you mean the band. Okay, cool. Wow. Go on.

Lorelai: So what's the great master plan, huh? You gonna move home, live in your bedroom and work part time at the bookstore? Sorry, uh-uh, not gonna happen!

Rory: I'm not going back to Yale next year. Lorelai: What? Rory: I'm not going back to Yale next year. Lorelai: But why? Rory: Well, I just don't think it's the right place for me, and I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with my life. Lorelai: Since when have you not known what you wanted to do with your life? Rory: Mom... Lorelai: You've known what you wanted to do since you were 4: be a journalist.

Richard: (to Lorelai) Rory will be taking some time off from Yale. She will move into the pool house here with us, we will help her find a suitable job, and then when sufficient time has passed, we will revisit the subject of her returning to school.

Rory: Everything's falling apart. I messed everything up, I don't know what to do. Richard: Your grandmother should be back any minute. I can have a maid make us some tea. Rory: I'm so sorry, Grandpa! I'm so sorry about everything! I just, I don't know what to do. I don't. Richard: It's all right. Everything will be all right.

Luke: I know you think you have this thing handled, but I can help. First off, we call Yale, and we tell them something like, uh, Rory had a chemical imbalance and she was medically out of her mind when she told them she was dropping out. And then we get her out of your parents' house whatever way we can, and we lock her up in her room with you, 'cause you can talk her into this. You can talk anybody into anything. Then if worse comes to worst, we will drive her to school every day and we will follow her to class and camp out there to make sure she goes. I'll take morning classes, you take afternoon classes, or the other way around if it works out better for your schedule. And I know there's a few kinks to work out and the kidnapping might be a little problematic, but either way, she is not quitting school. This was her dream. I am not gonna let this happen. Lorelai: Luke, will you marry me? Luke: What?

Mrs. Kim: I have contacts with the entire east coast Seventh-day Adventists entertainment circuit. Dates back to my days in an all-girl Christian tambourine band.

Rory: Kirk just came by and gave us a two minute warning. Any idea of what he's talking about? Lorelai: No one knows what Kirk is talking about.

Michel: You're going to sell the inn to Mike Armstrong, and then you're going to go off and have a wonderful life and I'm going to be unemployed. A very attractive asset on the dating scene. You know, we have our own little section at Match.com.

Lorelai: You promised me you were going to back me up on this, that we were going to convince Rory to go back to school. You promised you were not going to let this happen! Richard: Rory is young, Lorelai, and I'm sure that after she's had some time and some space, she will change her mind. But for now, this is what she wants to do, and we need to respect that. Lorelai: Does Rory even know about any of this? Did you even talk to her about it? Richard: Yes, she's fine with the arrangement. Lorelai: So you went to her? Behind my back? Richard: She came to me, Lorelai. She told me what she wanted in her own words! Lorelai: Wow, so that does work occasionally with you, huh?

Mrs Kim: Lyrics must be clean. Zach: Okay, that's where we draw the line. We will not change our lyrics. Mrs Kim: Oh, please. Prince made fifty-seven million take home last year. He didn't swear, and he mentioned God. Catch up.

Emily: What do you mean, Rory's quitting Yale? Why would you joke about something like that? Lorelai: What makes you think I'm joking? Emily: Because Rory would never quit Yale! This must be one of your bits. You scare us with something horrible, like Rory's quitting college, and then after we have a heart attack, you tell us you were just kidding. You're having a sex change operation. Lorelai: Mom. Dad. I'm not having a sex change operation.

Michel: He has not come. Should I call him again? Lorelai: No. Forget it. I'll call Luke. He'll come fix it, and all it'll cost me is my honor.

Rory: I have to get back to school. I have one last final, plus – Lorelai: Oh, wait. (she grabs two telephones and sets them on the table, as if they are separated by glass. She picks up one of the phones and looks up at Rory) Rory: Plus I have one last load of stuff that I need to pick up and transport back here. And now I have to hang up. Visiting hours are over.

(Lorelai steps back from the fridge to display Rory's mug shot attached to the door) Rory: Where did you get that? Lorelai: Oh, the nice lady at the police station e-mailed it to me. I thought it would look really nice next to your kindergarten handprint collage. I got you a copy if you're thinking Christmas cards.

Zach: Crap. I overslept. Brian: You're saying that like it's my fault. Zach: (getting up) Shut up. It is your fault. Brian: I told you to get a clock you don't have to wind. Zach: I told you to shut up. Brian: You never wind it, then you yell at me. Zach: Dude, you keep nagging me, I'm going to have to buy you a ring.

Lorelai: (sighs) Rory, what happened tonight? Rory: (after a pause) I stole a yacht. Lorelai: Yes, I know. The nice men with the guns told me. Why? Rory: I was just...I was really upset, and I just felt like I needed to do something. Lorelai: Yeah, okay, I get that. When I'm upset and need to do something, I eat a lot of poundcake. They don't have poundcake at Yale?

Lorelai: What's on your hands? Rory: Fingerprints. Lorelai: Right. (Pause) Do you want to go in and eat, or take it home? Rory: Home. Lorelai: Okay. (Pause) We're having a bike race. Bike race through town, first one ever. Taylor's really excited. Maybe Sheryl Crow will come. Rory: Maybe. Lorelai: Probably not. (Pause) I'm running out of small talk, kid. Got to get around to the main event here soon.

Logan: You should have told me. Rory: I didn't want to tell you. Logan: Hey, if this relationship thing is going to work then it goes both ways. You have to tell me why we're committing a felony before we do it, not that that's gonna stop us, but at least I'll have all the facts.

Lorelai: Rory dropped out of Yale. Luke: What? Lorelai: She dropped out of Yale. She's moving in with my parents who I went to for help, and they stabbed me in the back. Everything we've worked for all these years, her whole future. She was supposed to have more than me. She was supposed to have everything. That was the plan. We had a plan.

Lorelai: The penal system is not something we enjoy. It's something with a name that makes us giggle.

Logan: I'm sure he'll give me a crappy present for my birthday. Maybe I can pick a fight over that.

Lorelai: Okay, this is not the end of the world, right? I mean, Rory's young. Young people do stupid things. I got pregnant! This is better 'cause it's not so... permanent!

Colin: I'm Colin and this is Finn. You are...? Lorelai: Her mother. Finn: My God, those are good genes.

Luke: What's all this stuff? Lorelai: That is my big fancy fancy present. Luke: From who? Lorelai: From Mike Armstrong. Luke: Who the hell is Mike Armstrong? Lorelai: He's my other lover, he owns a diner in Woodbury. I didn't want you to find out this way.

Lane: You have your Americana banjo band, and you have Century 21, and you have a really stupid hat on. And what do I have? Huh? According to my mother, I'm going to hell for this. That's commitment, my friends. Eternal damnation is what I'm risking for my rock and roll.

Lorelai: Oh, it's going to be nice to have you home for a while. Rory: Oh, I'm glad you feel that way. Lorelai: Yeah, the place hasn't had a decent dusting since you left.