Gilmore Girls

Sandra: Your review was mean and petty and despicable! Rory: All right, listen, Sandra...that is your name, right? Sandra? This was all in the line of duty. It was an assignment from my editor, so it was nothing personal, okay? Sandra: You called me a hippo!

Emily: What do you use it for? Rory: Research like for when I can't get to the library. Lorelai: And for shopping. Rory: Yeah, shopping. Lorelai: A lot of shopping. Emily: Shopping? Lorelai: Yeah, the stores you normally have to go to, they're on the internet now. Emily: But going to a nice store is half the fun of shopping. I like being greeted at the door and the bustle of people and the shoes and clothes all lined up nice and pretty. Lorelai: That's true. Rory: Yeah, we like that, too. Emily: Having someone help you pick out the right thing or help you exchange it if it's not right. With the internet, what do you do? Mail it back? Lorelai: We usually just forget. Rory: Yeah. Emily: So you're just out the money? Rory: Pretty much. Emily: I don't get it. Lorelai: I don't get it anymore either. Rory: We should go to real stores more often.

Rory: You got kicked out of camp? Lorelai: I tried to liberate the horses.

Lorelai: Hi, hon. Jason, this is my daughter, Rory. Rory, Jason. Rory: Right, Scooper. Lorelai: Digger. Rory: Sorry. Digger. Jason: It's nice to meet you. And I don't really go by Digger anymore. Lorelai: What is it, P. Digger now?

Richard: Say, are you and Rory wireless? Lorelai: Oh, no, we're pretty wired most of the time.

Sandra: You're a jerk! I just wanted to come tell you that to your face! You're a jerk, and I hope you die! Bye, jerk. Die, jerk. Paris: The door thing was about you? Rory: Apparently. Paris: (on cell phone) The strike is off. Stand down. I repeat, stand down.

Bruce: Every second Davey's brain is hard-wiring for life. Baby talk can retard his language-acquisition rate. Is that what you want? Lorelai: Definitely not. I want him fully tarded.

Emily: You really should eat more green things, Lorelai. Lorelai: I plan to eat a five-dollar bill later tonight. Rory: Oh, have you seen the new twenties? They have a little peach color in 'em. Lorelai: Peach, perfect. I'll eat a new twenty, I'll have my fruits and vegetables.

Lorelai: (gasps while reading Rory's article) Do I see the word 'hippo' coming up?

Lorelai: The roll around the bra strap! Rory: That was your line! Lorelai: Oh my God, I'm horrible!

(After compiling a list of their respective enemies) Janet: I'll keep you posted on my person. Paris: And my five are already taken care of. Tanna: They're taken care of? Paris: I got my East Side 860 partners on it. Now let's move.

Tanna: I guess it is vandalism. Paris: It's more than that. This is an assault that should be met head-on using extreme prejudice. Now let's face it, I'm the most likely target, so I've already made up a list of enemies, which I've narrowed down from twenty-six to five. Janet: Just at Yale? Paris: Just in this building.

(After finding 'Die, Jerk' written on their door) Tanna: I may have been here when it happened. Janet: And you heard nothing? Tanna: No. Paris: Way to have that radar up. Rory: Let's not make each other feel bad. Paris: Hey, hug a dolphin another day, all right? We need to rev up the gunships and retaliate before the next strike. We gotta go full-out Sharon.

Janet: (about who might have written "Die Jerk" on the door) This one girl on my volleyball team is livid at me. I kissed her boyfriend. Tanna: I'm exceedingly dull. Paris: Keep her close. Tanna: Hey, what about you? Rory: Me? Janet: Make anyone mad lately? Paris: Oh, please. That would be like Dorothy pissing off the Tin Man. It's impossible!

Rory: She's sending Dave the marriage jug. What does that mean? Lane: I'm guessing it means she's reserving a hall and ordering that 'Stations of the Cross' ice sculpture. Rory: Whoa, this is serious.