Gilmore Girls Season 1 Episode 12

Mrs. Kim: Lane is not allowed to date boys unless we have approved them. She knows that, she knows our rules and she broke them. That is unacceptable.
Lorelai: Ok, yes, you're right. But teenagers sometimes slip up.
Mrs. Kim: I don't care what teenagers do, I care what Lane does.
Lorelai: You know, it doesn't always work to just lock a kid up and throw away the key.
Mrs. Kim: I didn't throw away the key, it's in the kitchen.
Lorelai: (surprised by the answer) Ok, well, I was talking symbolically...but alright, I'm with you now.

Luke: Okay. Fine. (pulls out a deck of cards) 5-card draw.
Lorelai: Oh! You're on.
(Luke deals as Lorelai watches intently)
Lorelai: Mm-hm. Mm-hm (looks at her cards) Uh...huh. Give me four. (looks at her new cards) Aah, no four more.
Luke: You can't have four more, those are the four I dealt you.
Lorelai: Well these don't help me and I have vowed to discard anything negative in my life - first Rune and now these four cards.
Luke: Whatever you say. (gives her another 4 cards)
Lorelai: Ooh, much better, thank you.
Luke: Rune knew when to run away.

(Sookie is getting ready to go on her first date with Jackson)
Sookie: I'm scared.
Lorelai: I know.
Sookie: I like him.
Lorelai: He likes you.
Sookie: How do you know he's not being polite?
Lorelai: Sookie!
Sookie: No, I mean it. It's like I cornered him and he felt trapped and he had to say yes.
Lorelai: He did not have to say yes.
Sookie: Oh my God. Technically, I am his employer.
Lorelai: Sookie!
Sookie: I am. I buy his wares. His livelihood depends on me.
Lorelai: Sookie!
Sookie: Oh! I'm a sexual harasser!
Lorelai: Well, then you need some false eyelashes.
Sookie: This isn't funny. I am now desperate, lonely and a criminal.

Mrs. Kim: (angrily, to a man in her store) You break, you buy!
Man: But it was sticking out in the aisle.
Mrs. Kim: You break, you buy!
Man: But I didn't put it in the aisle.
Mrs. Kim: You have eyes, yes?
Man: Yes, I have eyes.
Mrs. Kim: These eyes work?
Man: Yes, these eyes work.
Mrs. Kim: They can make out shapes, sizes and colors?
Man: Yes they can do all that, but ...
Mrs. Kim: Eyes work, they see lamp in aisle, send message to brain: 'Lamp in aisle - move!' You move. You don't break lamp.
Man: I ...
Mrs. Kim: You have no eyes, not my problem, that is between you and them. You break, you buy!
(The man gives in and gives her some money)
Mrs. Kim: (suddenly sweet) We appreciate your business.

(the Inn is overbooked)
Lorelai: Where did the Ruckers come from?
Michel: Judging from their clothing, a town where high rubber fishing boots and spittoons would be considered formal wear.

Lorelai: You lied to me so I wouldn't have to lie to Mrs. Kim?
Rory: Yeah.
Lorelai: Oh my God, you really are my daughter.

Lorelai: Who the hell is that anyways?
Rory: Claudine Longet.
Lorelai: The chick who shot the skier?
Rory: (with no clue, since it was way before her time) Uh, sure, why not.
Lorelai: Wow - Renaissance woman.

Lorelai: Hey, you know the one good thing we learned from this?
Rory: What?
Lorelai: That I'm a babe.

Rune: (about Lorelai) I can't believe you set me up with that! What, was the bearded lady busy tonight or something?

(After making Lorelai go on a double date with Sookie, Jackson and his cousin Rune)
Sookie: You will not regret this.
Lorelai: Pick another phrase.
Sookie: You will not have to pay.
Lorelai: Much better.

Rory: I do not want to incur the wrath of Luke.
Lorelai: Why not? It's fun!

Lorelai: I certainly don't want Rory to turn out like me.
Mrs. Kim: I don't want Lane to turn out like you either.
Lorelai: Now I believe that's the first thing that you and I have ever agreed on.