Gilmore Girls

Logan: (to Rory) You're scarin' me with your knowledge of torture.

(On Michel drinking wrong milk for the last two weeks) Lorelai: Michel, why didn't you just look on the bottle? Michel: Oohh-oh-oh-oh-ohh. You just know everything, don't you? You little miss-I-know-everything.

(Emily and Richard are naming buildings they can put Rory's name on) Rory: Can I interject for just a second? Lorelai: (With a big smile on her face) Go ahead. I dare ya. Rory: While I think this is very generous of both of you to wanna do this for me... Emily: The Rory Gilmore Observatory Rory: I still go to Yale, so having something with my name on it might be kind of... Richard: The Rory Gilmore Center for International Affairs. Emily: Oh, wait. The Rory Gilmore Library. Richard: And Art Gallery. Emiliy: And Ancient History Museum. Lorelai: Forget it kid. Grandma and grandpa have gone bye-bye.

Rory: You're nuts. Lorelai: Huh! You're double nuts!

(Rory is pushing Logan who is in a wheelchair) Rory: Any physical therapist on the list will do, right, doctor? They're all on the same level? Dr. Schultz: They're all top notch. Logan: That's if I need a physical therapist. Rory: Hush, you. (to Dr. Schultz) And you said lots of rest, but is complete rest safest? Logan: You cannot confine me to a bed. That's a violation of my civil rights. Rory: Hush, you. Dr. Schultz: You need to monitor his progress, everyone recovers at different speeds. Rory: OK, and when you say lots of fluids, does hot tea count, or just water? He likes hot tea. Logan: You gotta stop talking about me as if I'm not here. Rory: Logan Logan: Mom Dr. Schultz: Tea is fine. Water and juice are better. Logan: And this wheelchair is necessary? Rory: Hospital policy, sir. Dr. Schultz: Just until you get out of the building. Logan: Can we at least go faster? Rory: No, you'll get G-forces Logan: Doctor, can I go home to your house? I think I'll have more fun there. Dr. Schultz: You're in good hands. (to Rory) Just call if you have any questions. Rory: I will. Thank you, Dr. Schultz. (turns to Logan) OK, I cut off an old lady with a handicap sticker, so we got a primo spot right out front. Colin is meeting us at the apartment to help me get you upstairs and in bed. And it's a little cold outside, so you might need a scarf. I should have brought you a scarf. Maybe they have some in the gift shop, I should go check. Logan: (pointing to his throat) Actually, there's something going on here. Rory: What? Your throat? Is it sore? (leans down towards Logan) Should I get Dr. Schultz? I mean, we're here, we might as well...(Logan pulls her closer and kisses her) Logan: Thank you for being who I want to get out of the hospital for. Rory: You're welcome. Logan: And I'm not cold, I'm fine. Rory: You promise? Logan: I promise Rory: OK, let's go. We get to go at my speed. Logan: Wake me when we hit the door.

Lorelai: It's not gonna happen, Mom. Emily: Well, of course it is. Your father and I will make sure you and Luke get the house-- Lorelai: No, Mom. Me and Luke. The wedding. It's not gonna happen.

(Sookie and Jackson are out late and running around the town square, while carrying their bags of marijuana, trying to get rid of it) Sookie: Ah, hello, Reverend Skinner! Jackson: Rabbi Barans! Rev. Skinner: Hello, you two. Jackson: What are you doing out this late? Sookie: Yeah, what are you doing out this late? Rabbi Barans: Archie and I like to take a stroll around town at night. Rev. Skinner: It's so quiet. Rabbi Barans: Good time to talk about philosophy. Rev. Skinner: Good time to talk about God. Jackson: Yes, it's a great time to talk about God. Sookie: He's a good guy that God. Rabbi Barans: Would you like to join us? Sookie and Jackson: No! (Sookie and Jackson take off running with their bags) Sookie: We're going to hell! Jackson: Just keep running!

(Luke pulls Liz away from a group of sour-looking women sitting in the diner) Luke: Uh, who are they? Liz: They're the support group of single moms I hooked up with. They're horrible! All they do is bitch, bitch, bitch. I'd have left every one of them, too.

(TJ is explaining to Luke what happened with Liz before she threw him out) TJ: I tell her she's wrong. I tell her I'll do whatever's needed. I'll read every book on the subject, even though I hate reading worse than I hate public television.

(Emily, with sunglasses on, is lying on the couch in darkness, where Lorelai finds her) Lorelai: Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Onassis, I was looking for my mother. Emily: Will you at least promise to keep your comedy set at my funeral to under five minutes?

(Emily is demanding that Lorelai come over to help her with errands after her eye surgery) Lorelai: And there's no one else? Emily: I don't remember being in labor for 14 hours with anyone else, so, no, there's no one else.

(While watching "March of the Penguins") Doyle: I cannot look at the shot of the dead baby penguin. Paris: Me neither. Dead people, yes. Not penguins.

Emily: Oh, Richard, he just was saying the man is handsome. Richard: Yes, as if it's a selling point. Lorelai: It can be. Richard: Hardly, everyone knows ugly men make the best doctors. Emily: That's absurd. Richard: It's a fact. Emily: Marcus Welby was handsome and George Clooney. Lorelai: Fake doctors, Mom. Emily: Well, I'm sure they were modeled after real doctors. Richard: I don't want to talk about this anymore. Lorelai: He's jealous of Dr. Handsome.

Richard: Have you ever been to South Dakota its the most boring state in the nation. As I was flying in I swear I saw one of the heads on Mount Rushmore yawn.

Liz: It's not an uh-oh, it's good. Unless you don't like babies in which case it's not so good. Luke: (Surprised) You're pregnant?! Liz: Oh, it was supposed to be a surprise. Who told you? Luke: You just did! Liz: Wow, I blew my own surprise.

Doyle: (to Logan) Mi shoulder es su shoulder.

Luke: What can I get you Kirk? Kirk: What do you think? Luke: About what? Kirk: Letting the beard grow. Luke: Nice, what can I get you? Kirk: First couple of days it was itching like crazy but now I'm used to it. Although I find myself doing this a lot. (Stroking his jaw) Luke: What do you want to eat Kirk? Kirk: Last week I accidentally wrote all over my face with a sharpie and Lulu thought it looked kind of sexy, that's were I got the idea. Luke: Looks really good Kirk. Now can I take your order? Kirk: Hmmm. (Stroking his Jaw again) Luke: I'll come back.

Sookie: Jackson, why do you smell like marijuana? Jackson: You know that back half acre that I haven't planted for a few years? Up on the slope, out of sight, out of mind. Well, I went back there this morning and it's a giant field of pot! Every square inch, hundreds of plants, it looks like Harrison Ford's backyard!

(talking to Emily) Richard: Personally, I like you with glasses. Lorelai: It's that whole dirty librarian thing, huh Dad.

Richard: The Rory Gilmore Medical Center. Lorelai: For the really handsome doctors.

Lorelai: What's that smell? Sookie: 68 pounds of marijuana. Lorelai: Mhm.

Luke: (to the single moms group) So, can I get you ladies anything? Some compassion, some perspective?