Gilmore Girls

Richard: (Dryly responding to Emily's concerns about the pork at dinner) Pork is bred leaner these days. It has a different taste. Less fat equals less flavor. (Now sarcastic) Yet another example of the great advances man has made: Flavorless pork. Hurrah for the opposable thumbs.

(someone is breast feeding in the diner) Luke: You go make her stop. Lorelai: I'm not going over there. Luke: Why not? You're a woman. Lorelai: So what? Luke: So you have the same parts. Lorelai: What? Luke: You shouldn't be scared of it. Lorelai: Scared of it? You know, you're gonna be a bachelor for a really long time.

Luke: When did that become acceptable? In the old days, a woman would never consider doing that in public. They'd go find a barn or a cave or something. I mean, it's indecent. This is a diner not a peep show.

Lorelai: Dwight's lawn. Rory: Aw, there goes the breakfast sandwich. Lorelai: No, no, let's hurry, we can still do Luke's. Rory: Mom! Lorelai: Let's go! Rory: Agh, my shoes! Lorelai: You don't need shoes! In my day, we walked twenty miles in the snow just to get to our shoes! Rory: Aw, come on.

Michel: And you must always be extremely careful of your paddle movements. Lorelai: Well, that certainly calls for a 'Dirty!'

(Rory is in Dwight's house while watering his lawn and the phone rings, she listens to the message) Doris: Dwight? Hi, it's Doris. Your wife remember me? The woman who was asleep in the bed when you snuck out the window like a spineless worm! How dare you sneak out like that. You sniveling pond scum sample. I should call Erin Brockovich to bring a law suit against your parents you steaming lump of toxic waste. You really thought you could get away from me? I would've found you sooner if I had bothered to look, but I have. I found you. And all I can say is this: I want my board games back! I want them back and I want them back NOW! I will hunt you to the ends of the earth to get them back! ESPECIALLY THE TRIVIAL PURSUIT!

Emily: Oh, this is so like you. Lorelai: What is so like me? Emily: You spend 5 seconds with a person and if they say one wrong thing you turn on them, and never give them a second chance. Lorelai: What? Emily: You're extremely judgemental. Lorelai: I'm not extremely judgemental of the pot calling the kettle black. I spent two and a half hours with a man who talked about nothing but himself and his car. Emily: He's proud of his accomplishments. What's wrong with that? Lorelai: He didn't end world hunger, Mom. He simply made the decision to spring for the bigger tires.

Lorelai: Thank you. You're my favorite daughter. Rory: You say that to all your daughters. Lorelai: Yes, I do, but I only mean it with you.

Lorelai: Hi, yes, I was at your auction yesterday and I was wondering if you could help me. I met a man there and I would like to contact him but I didn't get his name and I wondered if you could look it up for me. He was paddle number seventeen, and...Oh right, confidential, got it...Well, you know, actually, I misspoke earlier because this isn't a complete stranger I'm trying to contact here, he's an old friend from school...Good question. Well, I don't know his name because I only knew him by his nickname....Uh, Shamu. We called him Shamu. He was kind of a big guy in high school, but he's slimmed down quite a bit...No, see, I don't have time to contact the high school alumni committee because time is of the essence....See, Shamu and I went to a liquor store after the auction and we bought a lottery ticket together and we tore it and I took half and he took half, and I'll be damned if the thing didn't win!...Fourteen million dollars!....Really, but see, we have to claim it by four pm today or we forfeit....Ah, yes....Oh, well, but there's one more thing that I forgot to tell you. See, my blood type is o-negative and he's o-negative and I have a medical condition that....All right, then. Well, thank you anyway. Bye. (hangs up)

Michel: Always. You've got to be patient and wait for what you want to appear, then pounce. Lorelai: Hm, true at an auction, true at a singles bar.

Michel: Ah, I have an excellent arm raise. Lorelai: That's what it says on the bathroom wall.

Rory: Geez, did he talk about anything else but his car? Lorelai: Not until we got to the restaurant, then the wine list. Rory: Oh no, he's a winey? Lorelai: Yes, he sniffed and swirled and swished and did every other pretentious and borderline disgusting thing you can do with a glass of wine in a public place.

Lorelai: I bought a couple of end tables for the Inn. Emily: I must say I was very impressed with the selection this year. I even wound up purchasing a couple of things myself. Richard: Yes, how nice to have yet another chair you can't sit in. Emily: It's 100 years old. Richard: Wonderful we can put it next to the 200 year old foot stool you can't put your feet on. Emily: Oh Richard, please. Richard: I'm only teasing, Emily. It's one of my great pleasures in life to surround you with a house full of useless objects. No. I'm never happier then when we're standing in the corner staring at out furniture. Emily: Eat your pork, please.

Michel: Take me to the auction. Lorelai: Michel. Michel: Take me, I insist you take me. Lorelai: You don't even know if it'll be any good. It's just Society Women. Michel: If your mother's involved it will be impeccable, and I haven't been to an impeccable auction in over a year. Lorelai: Well I don't know. Michel: What do you want? Lorelai: Michel, I don't want anything. Michel: Stop playing coy with me. I want into that auction you name your price. Lorelai: OK, you've got to work weekends for the rest of this month. Michel: Done. Lorelai: And you have to answer the phone when it rings. Michel: Done. Lorelai: And answer it in English unless the person is actually foreign. Michel: Done. Lorelai: And you have to oversee the nature hikers next week. Michel: No. Lorelai: Michel, if you want to go to this auction you have to be in the lobby at 6:00 Friday morning. You have to hand out towels and water bottles. You have to show them the hiking trails and let them give you a nature name. Michel: Fine, I will let them give me a nature name. Lorelai: Alright then you can come. Michel: Thank you. Lorelai: Buttercup! Michel: You can't give them suggestions.

Lorelai: (Phone rings and Lorelai answers) Independence Inn. Emily: You should really identify yourself when you answer the phone at work. Lorelai: Sorry, Independence Inn, major disappointment speaking. Better? Emily: Yes, thank you.

Luke: (Looks at the breast feeding lady) This cannot be sanitary. Lorelai: You're right you don't know where those things have been.

(A woman is breast feeding her baby in Lukes diner) Luke: Is she doing what I think she is doing? Lorelai: Well I can't be 100% sure but....OK yeah, that's lunch. Luke: Why? Why do they do this? This is a public place. People are eating here. Rory: They sure are.

Richard: Did you hear what I just said? Lorelai: Yes, it sounds insane! Richard: I know it's insane! Of course it's insane, that's not the point!

Dwight: I can show you now or before you leave. Lorelai: When do you leave? Dwight: Six A.M. Lorelai: Now sounds fine.

Emily: I'll be too busy to sit with you, if that's what you're worried about. Lorelai: Oh, I'm not. (pause) Define too busy.

Rory: Oh, look! Babies! Lorelai: Never say those words again!

(seeing a lady breast feeding her baby) Jess: Oh jeez! Ahh! (goes back upstairs, Lorelai and Rory giggle) Luke: Okay, that was funny!