Gilmore Girls Season 5 Episode 9

Lorelai: This is the second time I've told it. Both times, crickets. (sips her coffee) I mean, Rory and Christopher looked at me like I was Pauly Shore.
Luke: Christopher?
Lorelai: Rory's Dad. He came for lunch today. I had lunch with him today. And Rory. Had lunch with Rory and Christopher. And Gigi, his daughter with
Sherry, he brought her 'cause Sherry moved to France and he's a full time dad now and we all had lunch. All of us, together, today. And when I told the Bathrobe Bandit story they all acted like that. (Laughs nervously)Except Gigi, who spit up, 'cause she's a baby. That's what they do.

Lorelai: I lied to my kid, Sookie. I hate that I lied to her. But I didn't
want her to think there was any weird reason why I didn't tell Luke.
Sookie: Was there any weird reason that you didn't tell Luke?
Lorelai: Sookie, come on.
Sookie: I don't know. Maybe you were afraid that he would get jealous. I'd be afraid that Jackson would get jealous.
Lorelai: I was not afraid that he'd get jealous.
Sookie: He did beat up a car.
Lorelai: One time.
Sookie: That we know of.
Lorelai: No, I didn't tell him because it was no big deal! (She sighs) I thought it was no big deal. I should have told him, right?
Sookie: Well -
Lorelai: Yeah. I should have told him. Now he's going to think I'm hiding something from him and I'm not. Damn it. He's going to beat up my car.
Sookie: It's American, it can take it.

Rory: I went to see Dad.
Lorelai: When, today?
Rory: No, a while ago. Right after Sherry left. I went to see him and I told him that I didn't want him to call you anymore.
Lorelai: Why?
Rory: Mom. Come on.
Lorelai: (confused) No "Mom, come on". Why, why did you do that?
Rory: I didn't want him to screw anything up between you and Luke.
Lorelai: Oh, kid. You are so far off here. That is not going to happen.
Rory: Every time he comes back he ends up messing up your life.
Lorelai: Not true!
Rory: It's completely true. He wants you back and then he disappears or Sherry gets pregnant or he loses his job or he just takes off, whatever. No
good reason necessary. And it's been like this forever and you just let him do it, you can't help it.
Lorelai: (offended) Rory, come on!
Rory: You can't just break free of him.
Lorelai: What are you talking about?
Rory: You're engaged to Max and then suddenly you're not.
Lorelai: Christopher had nothing to do with Max.
Rory: Who was the person you were calling from your bachelorette party?
Lorelai: I was drunk. I tried to call Abe Vigoda too, if you remember.
Rory: You're just always waiting for him to get himself together.
Lorelai: No, no, hon. I am not always waiting for him. There have been times when, yes, it would have been nice to actually be with the father of my kid,
but not now. I'm with Luke, completely.
Rory: What did he say when you told him?
Lorelai: Told who what?
Rory: Luke. What did he say when you told him you were having lunch with Dad?
Lorelai: Nothing.
Rory: He didn't care?
Lorelai: No. He didn't care. He didn't have to care, 'cause there's nothing to care about.

Emily: Your father has proven to me once and for all he's moved on with his life.
Lorelai: You don't think that moving on with his life would've actually
included moving?
Emily: No.
Lorelai: Okay.
Emily: We attended the Dorman School Bazaar last week - it was a big, formal gala, all our friends were there - and at dinner he made me reach for the
butter.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: It was sitting right there in front of him, and yet he didn't offer me the dish. He buttered his own roll, offered the dish to the man next to him, and that was it.
Lorelai: And that's why you think he's moved on?
Emily: It was a total disregard for my needs. I might as well not have had a roll in front of me at all.
Lorelai: Well, Mom, I'm sorry.
Emily: Very upsetting. But at some point you have to face facts, and the facts are, he's moved on. And therefore I should move on also.
Lorelai: Absolutely. Move on dot org.

Rory: I am sick of humoring Grandma and Grandpa during this stupid
separation of theirs. This "drinks here, dinner there" is dumb. It's not working, and we should not do it anymore.
Lorelai: Well, if you feel it is best to end the Friday night dinners, then, as your mother, I feel it is my duty to support you.
Rory: I'm not saying we should end Friday night dinners.
Lorelai: Okay, well, then, as your mother, I feel it is my duty to tell you that you're wrong.

(Lorelai spends Friday night dinner with Emily while Rory spends it with Richard, Emily sits down right next to Lorelai on the couch in her house to have a drink)
Lorelai: Isn't this weird to you?
Emily: What?
Lorelai: Sitting next to each other?
Emily: Would you like me to move?
Lorelai: No! It's fine. It's just close.
Emily: Will you explain to me again why we are doing this?
Lorelai: I have no idea, cause you usually sit over there.
Emily: I'm talking about Rory being in the pool house, Lorelai!

(Emily called Lorelai for help on her date. Lorelai enters Emily's room)
Lorelai: Mom? Have you...(A shirt flies through the air almost hitting her) Ah, Chanel attack!

Emily: (to Simon) I'm very dangerous. Ask my maids.

(about Emily wanting to see other men)
Rory: What? Why?
Lorelai: He wouldn't butter her roll.

Richard: When you're entertaining an elegant young lady for dinner, then dinner is to be expected.
Rory: But I just sprang this on you. You can't be held accountable for your lack of elegant young lady food.

Lorelai: So, which one do you want me to take?
Rory: How about I'll take Grandpa and you'll take Grandma.
Lorelai: Blagh! No.
Rory: OK, then I'll take Grandma, you take Grandpa.
Lorelai: Blagh! No.
Rory: Mom!
Lorelai: Can't I take the butler? He doesn't talk much and as far as I can tell, thoroughly enjoys the way I dress.

Rory: OK, so I've got an idea.
Lorelai: Finally, this Yale thing's kicking in.

Sookie: When I worry too much about how I'm treating Jackson, I just remember Brandy.
Lorelai: Brandy?
Sookie: Christopher's Brandy.
Lorelai: Christopher's Sherry?
Sookie: Oh, I knew it was something like that!

Lorelai: Hi, T.J.
T.J.: Three feet, Lorelai, because I haven't showered in as many days.
Lorelai: Uh! Bye, T.J.

Lorelai: Michel ripped his pants, and his underwear is pink and shiny.

Emily: You see a man. You walk up to him, and you say -
Lorelai: Hello.
Emily: Is that too forward?

Lorelai: So Mom, do you think you and Dad are getting back together?
Emily: Absolutely not!
Lorelai: Okay. Got any peanuts?

Paris: People came to America to escape religious persecution.
Marty: Well, what religion is anti-leftovers?