Gilmore Girls Season 3 Episode 15

Dean: Kirk, just to let you know, some of the guys, not me you know, but some of the guys say that they're gonna to rip your head off if you don't shut up. Okay?

Lorelai: Okay, for starters, I think you have to realize something...you were really lucky with Dean. He was an exceptional first boyfriend, and you got spoiled. Most of us didn't have first boyfriends like Dean. Most of us had first boyfriends like Brian Hutchins.
Rory: Brian Hutchins?
Lorelai: Seventh grade, I'm sitting in the library, walks up, asks me to go steady. I say yes. He walks away and I don't see him again until the tenth grade when he tries to sell me a dime bag at the Sadie Hawkins Day dance. And he was way overcharging for it, too.
Rory: That's demented.
Lorelai: Well, that's what most of us had to put up with. Where do you think the Susan Faludi's of the world came from?

Luke: Back when I was on the track team, we went to State three times in four years, and won it twice. Think they made buttons and put up banners? They couldn't care less.
Lorelai: Luke, that's because track is for dorks.
Rory: Yeah, it's true. I'm sorry.
Luke: Okay, the conversing part of this morning is now over.

Zack: (singing) A mighty fortress is our God,
A wall ten stories high. And He helps us when things get bad, And the devil tries to hurt us.
Rory: What hymn is that?
Lane: I have no idea.

Rory: If I had known sports was so much about eating, I would've come to a lot more of these.
Lane: I know, there's something deeply satisfying about watching other people exercise while you eat junk food.

Kirk: (calling the hockey game) Number 12 has it now, he's skating, he's skating, my bet is he's going to try to whack it into that net thingie but that's conjecture at this point.

Mrs. Kim: You have everything you need? Food, water, music notes?
Dave: Yes
Mrs. Kim: Where's your tambourine?
Dave: We don't have one.
Mrs. Kim: Next time bring one.
Zack: (to Brian) Dude, remember the drill instructor in Full Metal Jacket?
Brian: Totally!

Rory: (at hockey game) So, this is sports.

Emily: I saw her kissing a man.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: When I came home today, I walked in. I saw her standing in the livingroom kissing a man.
Lorelai: Gran?
Emily: Yes.
Lorelai: My Gran?
Emily: Yes.
Lorelai: My Gran was kissing a man.
Emily: In a purple velour jogging suit.
Lorelai: Gran was wearing a purple jogging suit?
Emily: No the man was wearing a purple velour jogging suit.
Lorelai: Any you're sure they were kissing?
Emily: 100% sure.

Dave: I came up with that twist about Lane's heart being broken by this guy her mom picked out for her so she could date me.
Lane: Dave has a natural gift for subterfuge.
Dave: Wow, a compliment from the master.

Zack : (singing) A mighty fortress is our God. A bulwark never failing. (to Brian) Dude, what's a bulwark?
Brian: What?
Zack: It says a bulwark never failing.
Brian: I think it's a wall.
Zack: Then why don't they just say that? Bulwark sound so gay.
Brian: I don't think you're supposed to call a hymn gay. It's like a sin or something.
Zack: Whatever, I'm still not saying bulwark.

Lorelai: You're giving it away.
Rory: What?
Lorelai: You're eating too quickly.
Rory: What? You said we had to be out of here by 8:30.
Lorelai: Yeah, but I didn't tell you to broadcast it.
Rory: I'm eating at the speed you are eating.
Lorelai: You're eating small bites very fast. You gotta eat bigger bites at normal speed.
Rory: You mean I should risk chocking to make our Friday night plans?
Lorelai: Exactly.

Lorelai: So how's Gran doing?
Rory: Does she miss London?
Emily: Not half as much as I do.
Richard: Emily...
Emily: I never really truly appreciated the Atlantic Ocean before. 3000 lovely miles of water.
Richard: You are talking about my mother.
Emily: I know that, Richard.

Emily: That was your mother, Richard. She just wanted to know if all our towels are Egyptian cotton.
Richard: Well, it's a simple question.
Emily: It's her 40th simple question of the day.
Richard: Well, she's going to be staying with us Emily. She just wants to know if she'll be comfortable.
Emily: Yes, 'cause we usually give our guests the towels we have stolen from the Holiday Inn.

Taylor: I myself was the goal keeper for our team in the last regional finals.
Lorelai: I did not know that.
Taylor: Oh, yes. I was responsible for the game winning goal.
Luke: So, the puck just ricocheted off your head into the net?
Taylor: Still counted...
Luke: For God's sake. I was making a joke. You really got pucked in the head?
Taylor: No...I was making a joke too.
Luke: Wow, you can still see the dent.

Rory: Well, well, well. If I didn't know better, I'd say someone isn't quite as cool as we thought he was.
Lane: What do you mean? He's jealous. Oh my God, he's jealous, that's so great.
Rory: You've worked your womanly wiles on him, Lane Kim.
Lane: I've never made a guy jealous before. I feel so powerful.
Rory: Just remember, there's cute jealous and there's Othello

Emily: Lorelai, hello.
Lorelai: Mom?
Emily: You remember, I'm so touched.

Rory: (about Jess) Not a word. Not even a lame-o apology that is obviously a lie.
Lorelai: Yeah, how dare he not lie to you.

Rory: Your mom loves Dave?
Lane: She said he's a righteous young man who's proven he can be trusted around antique furniture. In her book, that's pretty close to love.

Richard: (about Trix's boyfriend) Do you really think he was wearing a track suit? Well, I wonder if he was wearing Nikes also.
Lorelai: 'Just do it' takes on a whole new meaning doesn't it?