Gilmore Girls

Jess: So, it's been a couple days since you made the big decision. You still going to Yale?
Rory: Yes, I am. It's got all the s I want and some really great teachers, and plus, you know, as an added bonus, it's really close to here.
Jess: 22.8 miles.
Rory: How'd you know that?
Jess: Do you Yahoo?
Rory: You looked it up?
Jess: Yeah.
Rory: You looked it up.
Jess: I just hit a couple buttons on the computer.
Rory: You looked it up.
Jess: I was bored. There was nothing on TV and I was fooling around, it was something to do, that's it. Rory: You looked it up.

Lorelai: Listen, Rory, I don't think you realize how hard it has been these past few years to be indebted to my parents. A long time ago I told myself that I was not going to go back, that I was going to be free from them, but then I had to ask them for that money, and I'm not sorry I did it because it was the right choice for you. But you only know the warm and fuzzy Richard and Emily Gilmore, and I want you to only know the warm and fuzzy Richard and Emily Gilmore because their grandparents, and they love you. But I have a different past with them. It was not all warm, and it was definitely not all fuzzy. And I'm sick of feeling guilty for paying back a debt that I always intended to pay back. I will not let them make me feel guilty about it, and I will not let you make me feel guilty about it!

Rory: Why did you do that? Lorelai: Excuse me? Rory: Why did you pay Grandma that money back? Lorelai: Rory, I owed it to them. Rory: They obviously didn't want it. Lorelai: I didn't want to have to owe them anything anymore. Rory: That's not the point. Lorelai: Yes, Rory, it is completely the point.

Lorelai: (Emily is angry because Lorelai repaid her the Chilton money) Mom, let me ask you this. Wouldn't you rather have Rory and I come here because we want to, not because of some threat you're holding over our heads? Emily: And you would really come here voluntarily?

Rory: (to Pete about the trouble he and Kirk are having making the oversized pizza for Lorelai's birthday) Pete, did it never occur to you that maybe the problem isn't the pizza, that maybe the problem is Kirk? Pete: Never occurred to me. Rory: Well, it should.

Tom: It looks burned Lorelai: Thank you, how long to make it not look burned? Tom: Ah geez, maybe two... Lorelai: Tom let me help you out. The answer I'm looking for is ten days because that's when I have to get guests back in here again. Tom: Okay, ten days. Lorelai: Are you lying to me? Tom: What's the answer you're looking for on that one? Lorelai: Never mind just go fast. Tom: Go fast huh, I never heard that one before.

Richard: Once again, a toast to Lorelai on her 36th birthday. Lorelai: (scough) 35th. Richard: Really?! (Richard turns his head and looks puzzled) Lorelai: You're doing the math?!

Jackson: I have a sobbing pregnant woman at home, which is not unusual, except this time I didn't cause it!

Lorelai: $75,000 -- oh my God, that's 150 pairs of Jimmy Choos.

Lorelai: We could buy a boat. Rory: We could, but why? Lorelai: Because rich people always have a boat. Rory: We could park it in the front yard. Lorelai: Yeah, like white trash rich people. Rory: God, this is amazing. No more clipping coupons. Lorelai: No more picking loose change up from the ground. No more driving around looking for cheap gas. Rory: Which totally defeats the purpose since you wind up using more gas looking for the cheap gas. Lorelai: Seventy-five thousand dollars. I feel so rich. And suddenly in complete agreement with everything Bush has to say.

Emily: I don't need anybody doing me any favors. You are released from your obligation, Lorelai. Have a nice birthday, have a nice life. I'm going to bed.

Emily: Take the cake into the kitchen now, Teresa. Lorelai: Wait, aren't I supposed to blow out the candles? Emily: Oh, Teresa can do that. Lorelai: Mom, it's tradition for the person whose name is on the cake to do the blowing. Emily: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought only children liked to do that. Shall we bring it back out and relight it? Lorelai: No. Richard: Well would you like to make a wish and blow out the tapers? Lorelai: Why am I being mocked on my birthday? Rory: Because it's the Gilmore way.

(Jess is putting gel in his hair) Luke: Do you ever worry that if a bird flies into your head it might never get out? Jess: I've got everything under control.

Luke: So how's work? Jess: The cleaned up version of the Eminem show seems to be selling pretty well. So the world basically is coming to an end.

Rory: What's the matter, Pete? Pete: We did a trial run of the pizza, you know, just want to make sure everything was right there for the big day. Rory: I appreciate that. Pete: So we made a trial pizza and Kirk built a pizza rack on top of his car. You with me? Rory: Like a bad habit, Pete. Pete: So as Kirk was putting the pizza on the rack the thing collapses, the pizza slips. Long story short. Kirk got some severe cheese burns. Rory: Oh my God. Is he all right? Pete: Who knows? The point is I think the pizza needs to be cheeseless. Rory: What? Pete: And possibly sauceless. Rory: Pete!

Richard: When you were born I decided to celebrate. So as soon as your mother went to sleep I left the hospital. I called my business manager and I made a real estate investment. Lorelai: You do know how to party don't you. Richard: I made this investment in your name. Lorelai: Wow, most people just buy a stuffed bear, this is better. Richard: I thought so.

Taylor: I'd like the wording to be a little harsher. Nicole: Taylor, it already says that if Aunt Tillies' Taffies delivers even two hours late they forfeit all payment for that particular shipment and are liable for any loss of income that may result from that late delivery. It's pretty extreme. Taylor: Well, it may seem extreme but these candy people are shifty characters. Nicole: Why don't we leave the wording like it is for now and see how things go. We can always get tougher later, if necessary. Luke: (pouring coffee) Yeah, you could send over a couple Ooompah-Loompahs to kick the crap out of Aunt Tillie.

Jess: I got the video for tonight. Rory: What did you get? Jess: Almost Famous. Rory: No, not again. Jess: I can't help it. I'm addicted. Rory: Fine, but if I'm going to spend 2 hours sitting there watching Kate Hudson commit suicide again then we are ordering Indian food. Jess: Oh, come on. Rory: Hey last night when we watched Ed Wood we got burgers like you wanted. Jess: Ok, fine. Tonight Indian food but tomorrow Saturday Night Fever and Thai food. Lane: That's so cute. You're like a really sweet, old, agoraphobic couple.

Rory: The spirit of giving is completely lost on you. Lorelai: But the spirit of getting is alive and well. And it wants its chimney swept.

Lorelai: The chimney needs to be swept. Rory: Mom. Luke cannot sweep our chimney. Lorelai: Why not? Rory: Because you need to be a chimney sweep to sweep a chimney. Lorelai: If Dick Van Dyke can do it, so can Luke.

Tobin: I'm here and I brought bagels. Sookie: Oh Tobin! Great. I'm starved. Tobin: Normally I wouldn't think of it because what bagel stands a chance next to Sookie's magical muffins and scones. Sookie: Oh Tobin, stop. Tobin: (patting his stomach) Two full pants sizes, my friend. All because of you.

Lorelai: Everybody in this room named Lorelai is over the moon about the going to Yale. Rory: Which means that everybody else here not named Lorelai can equally be over the moon about the going to Yale. Richard: I'm getting the champagne. Emily: I'm calling the Talbots. Richard: Make sure you gloat. That dim-witted son of theirs couldn't even get into Brown. (Richard and Emily getting very excited) Emily: She's going to Yale. Richard: She's going to Yale.

Richard: Johnny Machete needs to be served in a heap. Rory: Johnny Machete? Emily: That's the name of this vile concoction. Rory: It's delicious. Lorelai: It's not bad. Emily: 12 different colors. Lorelai: Come on Mom. Eat it. Emily: Looks like somebody already did.

Richard: This was my favorite thing to eat as a boy. My Gran used to make this for me whenever I was feeling a little sad. You know, if my cricket team lost or a girl I fancied, turned up her nose at me. Lorelai: Well, then load me up, because there was this cute chick at the pharmacy today. I used my best material on her and nothing. Emily: Richard, at least let Pena serve it. Lorelai: No comment on my lesbian hilarity? My, how far we've come.

Richard: Well, I have something for you. (places an envelope on the table) Lorelai: Is it a hat? Richard: No. Lorelai: Is it a purse? Richard: No. Lorelai: Horse? Richard: Lorelai. Lorelai: George Foreman Grill?

Jackson: What do you think you're doing? Rory: (Rory is struggling with a dolly full of cases of soda)Oh, well, I'm trying to transport all the sodas for the party in one trip, which seemed a little silly when I first come up with the idea and it's rapidly growing in its stupidity.

Rory: Why would you do that? Paris: Because you told me to go out and do something crazy. Rory: Yes, but I meant have some ice cream, go see three movies, buy a new purse. I didn't mean, go poke a third hold in your nose.

Taylor: I'm not talking to you. Luke: It's my lucky day.

Rory: Can you have him build me another bookshelf? Lorelai: I've never been prouder of you than I am at this very moment.