Gilmore Girls

Lorelai: What do you want from me? Christopher: I want to talk! Lorelai: About what? Christopher: I don't know. I just...I don't like how things are. Lorelai: But that's how they are. Christopher: I didn't want things to turn out this way. Lorelai: But they did turn out this way! Christopher: But I didn't want that! Lorelai: Christopher, is Sherry still pregnant? Christopher: Of course she is. Lorelai: Are you still with her? Christopher: Yes. Lorelai: Are you gonna marry her? Christopher: Yes. Lorelai: Then honey, we are where we are. Accept it.

Rory: (to Christopher) I didn't call you back because I didn't want to. Me! Mom had nothing to do with it. Lorelai: Okay, honey, calm down. Rory: (ignoring her) You promised me. You promised me at Sookie's wedding that this was going to work, that you were going to be there. You promised me! Christopher: Honey, please understand. Rory: No! I always understand. I don't want to understand! I don't even really want to talk about this right now. I've got Mom, and that's all I need. Go be someone else's dad! Christopher: Don't say that. Rory: (to Lorelai) I'm going upstairs, call me when he's gone. (leaves)

Christopher: (about Rory hating him) She didn't get there by herself. Lorelai: Have you ever met your daughter? She can get anywhere by herself. She can get to the third dimension by herself! She was helping the crossing guard when she was four!

Lorelai: We can't have a mouse running around the inn. Our guests will freak. Michel: Tell them it's a baby. People love babies. They'll talk to it in funny voices.

(Lorelai walks into the diner at lunch time) Luke: What the hell are you doing here? Lorelai: Ah, I came for the warmth. Luke: Well, you're just not usually here this time of day, that's all. Lorelai: Well, I'm meeting someone for lunch. Luke: Oh, Kirk? Lorelai: What? Luke: You're meeting Kirk? Lorelai: Why would you say that? Luke: Well, I know he asked you out so I just assumed. Lorelai: How do you know he asked me out? Luke: He told me. Lorelai: He told you? Luke: Yesterday. Lorelai: Oh my God! Luke: Hey, relax, I think it's great. Lorelai: Why, why would he tell you? Luke: Well, actually, he came to me for a little advice. Lorelai: About what? Luke: About whether or not I thought he had a shot with you. After all, I know ya, I've been to your house, I know whether or not you have stain resistant rugs. Lorelai: I'm lying down now. Luke: When he found out you had wood floors he seemed very pleased. Lorelai: Oh, Luke. Luke: I told him you like movies and junk food, and of course, talking incessantly, but we both agreed that there's nothing like some good lovin' to shut a person up, if you know what I mean. Lorelai: I'm sorry, can you bring me a sharper fork? I'm not sure this one will go all the way through your hand.

(After Lorelai asked her to switch bodies with her) Rory: Hey, I have an idea! Why don't you just pretend we did and go around acting really immature. Oh wait...

Lorelai: Honey, you have power, brains, now all you need is a dim-witted, drunken, or drug-addicted relative to constantly humiliate you while you serve in office. Rory: Will you work on that for me? Lorelai: Two steps ahead of you.

(Lorelai reacting to seeing a mouse in the Inn) Lorelai: Did you call an exterminator? Michel: Why no, what a wonderful idea. I was actually going to fasten a large wedge of cheese to my head and lay on the ground until Mickey gets hungry and decides to crawl out and snack on my face. Lorelai: When does he get here? Michel: He said we were the first stop.

(Dinner at the Gilmores when Emily is mad at Lorelai) Lorelai: Oh, my God. Emily: Reading in front of other people is extremely rude Lorelai. Lorelai: Shauna Christy shot her husband. Emily: What? Lorelai: Shauna Christy - you remember Shauna Christy. Emily: Yes, I remember Shauna Christy. She was a lovely girl. Lorelai: Well, apparently this lovely girl came home to find her husband giving a nice little bonus package to the maid. And they say good help is hard to find. Emily: That's just gossip. Lorelai: Gossip? The man was shot 35 times. He looks like a sprinkler system.

Lorelai: (to Emily, for making Chris leave) You know, you need a horse and a mask when you do that.

Rory: I can't believe Christopher just came over. Lorelai: He misses you. Rory: He misses you. Lorelai: We're very miss-able.

Lorelai: (about dinner with Emily) Well, I haven't had that much fun since labor.

Lorelai: (about Rory) She could get anywhere by herself! She could get to the third dimension by herself! She was helping the crossing guard when she was four.

Rory: Grandma was only trying to help. Lorelai: Do you still believe in Santa Claus?

Emily: Why are you throwing cutlery in a public place? Lorelai: Uh, 'cause I feel stupid doing it at home?

Lorelai: (to Luke) I'm sorry, can you bring me a sharper fork? I'm not sure this one will go all the way through your hand.

Francie: (about Paris) What idiot gave her a gavel?

Kirk: (to Lorelai) I think you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen -- outside of a really filthy magazine.

Lorelai: But this goes against every rule I have in the Gilmore Survival Guide. Number one: No running with scissors. Number two: No page-boy haircuts. Number three: Never, ever have lunch alone with the mother.

Lorelai: Just once I'd like to be able to say, "Yeah, I'm not feeling so good, my leg is haunted." Rory: See, there's a reason why you only take one packet of TheraFlu at a time.

Sookie: So today's your lunch with Emily. Lorelai: Yup. Sookie: Any idea what she's gonna say? Lorelai: No, but I bet it's not, "I'm joining the circus, feed your father until I get back." I should just cancel.

Lorelai: Rory, I cannot go out with Kirk. Rory: Why? Lorelai: Uh, huh. . .why? He's. . .he's Kirk! Rory: Well, as long as he loves you. Lorelai: You are not serious. Rory: I just want you to be happy. Lorelai: Hello, Headmaster Charleston, this is my stepfather Kirk. Please don't make any sudden movements, he's a fear biter.

Lorelai: You're off to rule the world! Rory: Paris will rule the world. I'll hold her keys.