Gilmore Girls

(Luke has to get some groceries for the diner, he asks Lorelai and Rory what they want for desert) Lorelai: Pie. Rory: Cherry. Lorelai: And whipped cream, and dental floss, and paper towels, and People magazine. (Luke gives her a look, Rory laughs) We're really hungry.

Paris: (to Rory) Don't make that face at me! Rory: What face? I'm wearing a mask. Paris: The "I'm Rory, don't you want to pet me?" face.

Lorelai: Dinner! Rory: Over here. Lorelai: We are so in luck. It was international grab bag night at Al's. Rory: Cool. Did you peek? Lorelai: And ruin the whole point of the mystery dinner? I think not. Pick. Rory: (pointing at a bag) That one. Lorelai: Okay. I love this. It's food and a game all in one. Now we open them at the same time. Rory: I know the rules. Lorelai: And do not jump the gun. Rory: There's a lot of pressure associated with international grab bag night. Lorelai: Well, I am your mother, it is my responsibility to give you structure. Now, on three...one, two, three. (They both open the bags.) Rory: Hm, Moroccan. Lorelai: You always say Moroccan. Rory: And sooner or later, I will be right. What's yours? Lorelai: Pan-Asian, with a hint of English Colonial, and a few South African influences. Rory: Way to hedge your bet. Kitchen? Lorelai: Just let me check the machine. Rory: Okay.

Paris: I call this meeting of the student council to order. Is the secretary ready? Madeline: I am. Paris: Then let's proceed. First of all, I'd like to apologize for missing last week's somewhat impromptu meeting. As most of you know, its scheduling was somewhat unorthodox since the meeting was a supplementary meeting, which was a concept invented by me. So the fact that anyone would hold a meeting invented by a certain person without that certain person seems, well...let's see, what's the word? Mutinous, insulting, underhanded, and in the end, fruitless, since I managed to re-negotiate the rental fee for the Wadsworth Mansion so that we'll be able to have the prom and give the school a respectable senior gift in the form of a telescope. Any questions, Mr. Christian? I mean, Mr. Hunter. Mr. Hunter: Uh, no.

Jackson: You wanna get another produce guy? Sookie: Maybe I should! Jackson: Well, go ahead! Sookie: Don't tempt me! Jackson: That's it, I am leaving. Sookie: Go! And take the tendrils with you! Jackson: Fine! See you tonight? Sookie: I love you. Lorelai: And it always ends with a hug.

Sookie: Oh wait! What's that? It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Super Jackson and his atomic pea tendrils!

Emily: (Reading from Lorelai's deposition) "Would you call your mother an extremely critical woman? Long pause." Why was there a long pause, Lorelai? Lorelai: Because I was deliberately trying to hurt you, Mom. Emily: "On a scale from one to ten, what would you rate your mother in terms of compassion for others' feelings?" Wanna guess what she said? Rory: No, thank you. Lorelai: Mom. Emily: Hang on a second, Lorelai. I just want to skip to the Ben Hur reference. (Rory looks at Lorelai.) Lorelai: Yeah, I did.

Madeline: Does your helmet smell? I always get one that smells. Louise: You'd think the brain trust behind P.E. could come up with some sport that didn't give you helmet hair all afternoon. Madeline: Like badminton. Louise: Or striptease aerobics. Rory: What? Madeline: It's really big in L.A. You just go through the motions, you don't actually have to strip. Rory: Do the other people in the gym throw money at you? Louise: Fine, mock, but tell me this, have you ever seen an overweight stripper? Rory: The word no seems so wildly inadequate all of a sudden.

Lorelai: You look peeved. Emily: I'm not peeved. Lorelai: Well, you look peeved. Emily: Kindly stop making me say the word peeved.

Emily: This? Nothing, just your deposition. Lorelai: My...how did you get... Emily: Shh. Listen, it's fun. Okay. "Question - Would you say your mother is a tolerant woman?" Lorelai: Oh boy. Emily: "Answer - Um, well, sure." Lorelai: What? I said you were. Emily: You said sure. Lorelai: Which to most people means yes. Emily: Yes, to most people, it does, but I've heard you say sure, and your sure is always sarcastic. Lorelai: I do not have a sarcastic sure...do I? Rory: Pick spot on carpet and stare. Emily: "Question - Why has your mother dismissed maids in the past?" Lorelai: Mom. Emily: "Answer - Different reasons." Lorelai: Well, that's true, right? Emily: "Can you expand on that? Answer - Gee, how much time do you have?" Lorelai: Okay, see... Emily: "I mean, if you guys have a lunch or an afternoon squash game or something...you look like the kind of guys who play squash. And hey, why's it called squash? Is it something to do with the fruit? Or vegetable, right? A squash is a vegetable, though if you ask me, it's gross no matter what you call it. Well, anyway, what I'm saying is you might want to clear your afternoon." Lorelai: I was flustered. He was using lawyer tricks. Rory: By asking you to expand? Lorelai Now you decide to pipe in? Emily: Didn't I tell you this was important, Lorelai? Lorelai: Yes, you did. Emily: So, in spite of the fact that I told you it was important, you couldn't find it in your heart to put aside your personal antagonism toward me for one day and help me out. Lorelai: Mom, this is not fair. I said a lot of nice things about you in there. Emily: Oh really? "Would you say your mother sets impossible goals which people cannot help but fail to reach, thereby reinforcing her already formed opinion of their deficiencies? Answer - Only for her daughter."

Paris: (about votes for commencement speaker) Are the ones for Princess Diana's butler jokes or real? Rory: I'd say jokes. Paris: What about the ones for Dr. Phil? Rory: I think real. ... Paris: Why does one pinhead always have to vote for Jerry Garcia?

Sookie: He keeps saying how he liked me back then and how this is his second chance. Lorelai: He's liked you for 10 years. Sookie: Yes. Lorelai: Wow, That is some serious Great Gatsby pinning. Sookie: I know. Lorelai: You're his Daisy. Sookie: I am? I'm his Daisy? Oh I'm someone's Daisy. Lorelai: It's very flattering. Sookie: It is very flattering.

Lorelai: Hey Shields and Yarnell, what's going on? Sookie: He thinks this is a date. Lorelai: What? Sookie: Joe, he thinks this is a date. Lorelai: Is he crazy? Sookie: Exactly. You were there. It's not a date is it? Lorelai: No! The two of you were going to go bust Feldsters chops. Busting chops is not a date.

(After Rory has been distracted by and clearly unsettled by a mysterious note) Paris: They took my tray! I can't believe they took my tray! All I did was go and tell them I wanted some new asparagus and they took my tray! Well I also told them to buy a slightly looser hairnet. One that wouldn't squish the part of the brain that can judge depth and measurement. And they took my tray. But still... Now what? (Paris points at Rory's untouched food tray) You gonna eat that?

Joe: We had a real interesting group. Sookie, me, Feldman, Mellon and Bung. Lorelai: Bung? Sookie: He was the grillman. He's been up there for a couple of years already. Joe and I were both prep. Lorelai: And I repeat Bung? Alex: Don't look at me. I'm still wondering if Mellon's a man or a woman.

Michel: I attended the Ecole Hôtelière de Genève. Lorelai: Wow, that's gotta to make one hell of a sweatshirt. Michel: It was one of the premiere hotel schools in the world. You two, on the other hand, are going to take a 2 hour course at the Radisson. Sookie: Jackson's taken a lot of courses through The Learning Center and he loves it. He took bee keeping... Lorelai: Jackson keeps bees? Sookie: No, it turned out he was allergic. One stung his lip and his whole head blew up to three times its normal size. Michel: Please tell me you have pictures.

Rory: Which maid was it? Emily: Gertha, the one from Hamburg, Germany. Lorelai: Which one was she? Rory: You remember. She was the one who you made all those Hamburg-hamburger jokes to. Lorelai: God, I beat that dead horse. Rory: With glee. Emily: She was the clomper. Lorelai: The clomper? Emily: She'd be upstairs making the bed and it'd sound like a Munich beer hall rally. Lorelai: That's why you fired her? Emily: Yes. Lorelai: Because she made noise when she walked? Emily: Yes.

Emily: That was our lawyer calling to inform me that one of our former maids is suing for wrongful termination. Lorelai: Hmm. Emily: You might at least act surprised. Lorelai: It's not the first time, is it? Emily: It most certainly is. Lorelai: Really? Emily: Yes, Lorelai, really. Lorelai: Well, then, I'm surprised.

Maid: Your mother's in the living room. Lorelai: So last chance to run, huh? Maid: Excuse me? Rory: Just ignore her.

Emily: When did you two get here? Lorelai: Sometime between the second absurd and the third unbelievable.

Lorelai: Okay. Now, Sookie's on top of the menu. Let's make sure the dining room's open for a late lunch, and we need to confirm the number of rooms they'll need. Michel: Yes, I have all of this written down on a notepad right next to my self-help book, Why Don't People Think You Know What The Hell You're Doing?

Sookie: I'm a whore!