Gilmore Girls

Lorelai: Luke, you don't live with Nicole. Luke: Yes, I do. Lorelai: You watch her TV, you eat her food, you keep stuff in a duffel bag at her house... you're a rude guest, not her boyfriend! Luke: Husband. Lorelai: Whole other discussion. Luke: You know what, you're doing it again. Lorelai: Doing what again? Luke: You're passing judgment on my relationship with Nicole. Lorelai: I'm not passing judgment. Luke: You passed judgment on our marriage, you passed judgment on our divorce and now you're passing judgment on our living together. Lorelai: I'm not passing judgment on you living together. You're passing judgment on you living together… by not living together. Luke: You know, I was a little tipsy on that cruise ship, but I don't remember anyone pronouncing us husband and wife and Lorelai. Lorelai: Well, they may as well have, because I spend as much time with Nicole as you do. Luke: And the judgment's back! Lorelai: I could move in with you guys. You wouldn't know. Luke: You know, none of this is any of your business. Lorelai: It's absolutely my business! Luke: How? Lorelai: Because! I wasted a week of my life adjusting to the idea that you had moved only to find out that you haven't moved. Luke: How much adjusting did you have to do? Nothing's changed! I still see you everyday, I still cook your food, I still serve your coffee. What do you care? Lorelai: I care. Luke: Why? Lorelai: Because I don't want you to move. Luke: Why? Why don't you want me to move? (Lorelai stares at Luke and they are both interrupted when the Reverend walks in)

(After the old man Lorelai said would die falls down) Sookie: It's okay, Hank's okay! Rory: You cursed him! Lorelai: I did not curse him! It could be anybody! It could be Bill, or Kirk... (Kirk falls down) Lorelai: We are the witches of Eastwick!

Lane: There are no Astronomy classes at Adventist College. That would imply the universe is old.

William: Hey, it's Madeleine Albright. Rory: You know what? I do not appreciate you calling me that. In fact, I don't appreciate you talking to me, or about me at all. William: Fine. Rory: I know you've been telling the story. William: What story? Rory: The laundry room story. Remember the laundry room? William: Machines, rinse cycle - Rory: I asked you to get coffee, that's it. I did not ask you to get married, or say that I loved you, or ask to have your children. And I'm not stalking you! It was a complete coincidence that I happened to go into a meeting that you happened to be in. I had no idea you were there. And it's hard to ask someone out and it puts you in an incredibly vulnerable position! So, it's cruel to use that incident as a funny cocktail story. So from now on, I would appreciate it if you would refrain from telling the hilarious laundry room incident to anyone, anywhere, ever again. William: I wasn't talking about you. Rory: What? William: There was this girl from the third floor, she asked me out like a 100 times. She followed me to class. She baked me a cake every day for a month, then she snuck in my window and hid in my closet, covered in whipped cream. Rory: Oh, well - that is a little … extreme. William: I didn't tell anybody about the laundry room. Rory: Well, good. Um, do you think that you could maybe not tell anyone this story also, 'cause, that would be great. Thanks.

Lorelai: Oh, you missed a spot. This is really nice Luke. Hey, can we fight again 'cause I need my rain gutters cleaned. Luke: You think everything is your business. Everything is about you! Well, here's a newsflash. Some things are not about you. Lorelai: Why are you yelling at me? Luke: If I want to move in with Nicole, it concerns her and it concerns me, and that is it. Lorelai: Yeah, I know. Luke: It does not concern you! It is none of your business! I don't have to tell you anything! And you do not have the right to make me feel guilty because I didn't tell you anything. Lorelai: I wasn't trying - Luke: I have been tying my own shoes since I was I was four, I have repairing my own car since I was fourteen, and I have been making my own decisions since I could crawl! Lorelai: What does any of that have to do with anything? Luke: I owe you nothing! Lorelai: Fine. Luke: Nothing! Lorelai: Fine! Luke: And shovel your walk! It is a safety hazard and you can't just walk past it and ignore the fact that the snow is up to your ass! Lorelai: You've got my shovel! Luke: I loaned it to you three years ago!

Lane: I'm weak. I have no spine. Rory: If you had no spine you'd be walking funny.

Lane: (talking about a CD) So, how did you like it? Rory: It's great, I burned a copy for my Mom. Lane: You know, it's people like you who are destroying the music industry! Rory: Oh, now. Britney's gotta shoulder some of the blame.

Lorelai: What, they lock the door to a church, are they serious? What if I need to do something holy? Luke: Like commit vandalism? Lorelai: Even she's sick of hearing the damn bells Luke: I'm gonna have to break the lock. Lorelai: No wait. [Gets out her wallet] Luke: What are you doing? Lorelai: All those years of watching Hart to Hart are about to pay off. Luke: What is that? Lorelai: It's my gym card. Luke: You joined a gym? Lorelai: Yeah. Luke: When? Lorelai: After I had Rory, to lose the pregnancy weight. Luke: Did you go? Lorelai: God, no. I was way too fat. [Manages to unlock the door with the card] Ah, praise be to Him and all the little lambs that frolic the earth with their frankincense and myrrh and - Luke: Would you get inside? Lorelai: Okay.

Rory: Well, I can't send you home to Mrs. Kim without a purse full of mini donuts. Lane: You know, I believe that's how Mother Theresa got started. Rory: Really, I heard it was Pixie Stix.

Rory: Mom, you have to do something. Lorelai: I need a suggestion. Rory: Have you read The Bell Jar? Lorelai: Huh! Not funny!

Kirk: Yes, he said I have tinnitus. I looked it up on the web at "Celebrities Who Share Your Disease" and found that William Shatner is likewise afflicted. Lorelai: Really, Kirk and Captain Kirk? Kirk: The irony wasn't lost on me.

Lorelai: Because he's 110. Rory: Hank's 110? Lorelai: No. Rory: Why would you say that? Lorelai: Because, that's the age you say when someone is really old.

Luke: No, why would I have two toolboxes? Lorelai: 'Cause then you'd have a big one and a small one. Luke: Well, if you have a big one you don't need a small one. (Lorelai starts to speak but Luke interrupts) Don't say 'dirty', it's too easy.

Lorelai: You want me to call you at Yale in the middle of the night so I can say: "Hey, drive 20 miles to stand in the snow with Mommy?" Rory: Yes. Lorelai: And then we take the 'Craziest Mother-Daughter-Title' from Judy and Liza.

Mrs. Kim: How long? Lane: How long what? Mrs. Kim: How long … this. Lane: I started it when I was six, the day you told me the Cookie Monster was one of the seven deadly sins. Mrs. Kim: Gluttony. Lane: Yes, gluttony.

Sookie: I have friends there. Lorelai: What? Where? Sookie: The CIA. Lorelai: No, you don't! Sookie: Yes, I ... ah, you didn't mean the Culinary Institute of America, did you?

Sookie: Luke, plus road rage. There's a healthy combination.