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Rory: Every relationship is just a big giant honkin' leap of faith.
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Zach: (after describing how bad his life is) Bob Dylan should write a song about me.
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Paris: Hey. You check in?
Rory: Check in?
Paris: The board. The new system? This is the best way for me to know where anyone is at any given time. All the names are on the left. Each coloured magnet represents an activity. If you're out on asignment, it's a red magnet. If you're in the john, it's a blue magnet. If you're at home, a purple magnet. If you're at your desk, it's a green magnet.
Rory: But if they are at their desks you can just glance over and see that they are at their desks.
Paris: But I'd have to glance all around. This saves extraneous glancing.
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Luke: What are you doing talking to that guy?
April: He asked me about my bike.
Luke: You don't talk to him, you don't know him. He could be a strangler!
April: He seemed to know you.
Luke: Well, yeah, of course I know him. That's Jake, I've known him for 15 years.
April: You've known a strangler for 15 years?
Luke: No, he's not a strangler.
April: Then why can't I talk to him?
Luke: Because you didn't know that. Don't trust anyone.
April: Okay, then I better go lock my bike.
Luke: No, no, you don't have to do that.
April: But you just said not to trust anyone.
Luke: But you don't have to lock your bike here. This is a safe town.
April: Well, now I'm confused.
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Anna: (when Luke wants to cancel his plans with April) It's not cool, Luke. It's not happening this way.
Luke: What way? I'm just saying it's not exactly a good time--
Anna: There is no "right time" to be a parent, Luke, you just are one! And if you're gonna make plans with my kid, get her hopes up and then cancel.....then our deal is cancelled.
Luke: Anna, no!
Anna: Yes, that's how it works. You're either all in, or you're out. We didn't ask for this, Luke. You did. You wanted contact, a relationship. And now--
Luke: Okay, I hear you.
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Lorelai: I hate your dad.
Logan: Me too. See? We have things in common, you and me. Maybe this isn't so crazy.
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Lorelai: (about Luke's daughter) How long have you known about this?
Luke: About two months.
Lorelai: Two months? That's a hell of a long time to go without telling me!
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Lorelai: Let's take inventory on all the wonderful things that have happened since you waltzed into my daughter's life. She was arrested, convicted, she's on probation, she'll have a criminal record until we can get that expunged. She dropped out of school, moved out of my house, she didn't speak to me for 5 months, 3 weeks, 16 days....wait, come to think of it, you are my favorite person!
Logan: Okay, I can defend myself on one or two of those points, as well.
Lorelai: No, you can't. Why are you here?
Logan: I miss her, okay? I made a mistake and I'm trying to rectify it, but nothing is working. She won't talk to me.
Lorelai: Can you blame her?
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(the whole town is at an "emergency" town meeting at 3 am held by Taylor)
Lorelai: Is he getting to the point soon?
Babette: Yeah, come on Doo-doo head.
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Zach: Welcome to the SH, bitch!
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(While shaking Luke's hand)
April: This is how the Avian flu spreads by the way.
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(Arriving at the very early town meeting and extremely cranky)
Luke: Ring bells and we drool like dogs.
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Zach: I've lost my girlfriend, my band's broken up, my best friend won't speak to me and I'm reduced to working as a $5 an hour carny. Bob Dylan should write a song about me.
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Taylor: I'm back. I got lucky last night and caught a plane out of Maine.
Lorelai: Even with the rain in Spain?
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Anna: Kiddo, is that the TV?
April: Yes.
Anna: You watching something stupid?
April: Yes.
Anna: You promise?
April: Yes.
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Luke: (pouring coffee) Here... here... here...
Customer: This was tea.
Luke: Now you've got a hybrid, that's very in right now.
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Lorelai: I think it might be a health code violation to kiss this close to the cotton candy booth.
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Logan: I think I get it from my dad.
Lorelai: I hate your dad.
Logan: Yeah, me too.
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Taylor: Well, I should go.
Lorelai: Back to 8 Mile?
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Lorelai: (about Paul Anka) He is liking his hat.
Rory: Well it's flattering.
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Lorelai: (about Paul Anka) There is nothing more distracting then a dog in a turban.
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Rory: I don't need a number, you know who I am.... And besides, I'm the only Rory.
Paris: (slightly agitated) I told you, I can't show preferential treatment. I don't need a hat, I'm number 1, and if you can't remember the number 1, you shouldn't be here.
Rory: (starts to whisper) Can I talk to you in private?
Paris: (shouts) Alright! Everyone? If you're looking for number 1 or 2, we'll be out in the hall!