Gilmore Girls

(After Luke finishes lecturing Jess about his relationship with Rory) Jess: May I speak? Luke: Yes. Jess: Do you want me to have you committed or would you rather check yourself in?

(Lorelai, Luke & Rory are in the diner talking)
Luke: At least buy some coffee.
Rory: Coffee and Tacos?
Lorelai: Sounds just gross enough to work.
(Jess walks downstairs)
Jess: (To Rory) Hi.
Rory: Hi.
Luke: I'll finish...hi, hi, hi, hi, hi! Im getting the coffee!

(Lorelai and Emily are talking about the broken button on Emily's skirt) Emily: I don't believe it. This is a brand new skirt. Lorelai: Mom, let me see. Emily: I have this dinner to go tonight. What am I going to do? Lorelai: Drink a lot. It's easier to explain not wearing a skirt if you're falling down drunk.

Luke: Uh, listen, I just want you to know that I had a little talk with Jess earlier. Lorelai: You did? Luke: Yes, I did, and I really laid down the rules concerning him and Rory. Trust me, he now knows that I am going to be watching them every second they are together. Lorelai: Oh good. Luke: Yup. Lorelai: You know, they're together now. Luke: What? Lorelai: Oh yeah. 'I have to get a part for my car,' 'I'm going to go study' – that's kid code for 'Meet me at the previously agreed upon location far away from my clueless uncle.' Luke: You're kidding me, right? You don't really think that...damn, they are! They're together. They used the kid code and now they're together!

Emily: What can we do in a bathroom? Lorelai: Meet George Michael. Emily: What?

Luke: (after watching Rory and Jess act completely shy and weird around each other) What was that? Lorelai: Well, that was an episode from "Rory and Jess: The Early Years."

Luke: Jess, you want something to eat? Jess: No, I'm not hungry. Rory: Oh, um, yeah...I'm not hungry, either. Luke: What about the burger? Rory: Oh, right. Well....could you wrap it up? I'm gonna eat it later. I actually like burgers better after they've been sitting around for a while...to let them age.

Luke: Hey Jess, look who's here. Rory. Jess: Hey. Rory: Hey. Luke: Okay, time to add another word.

Lorelai: Mom, you know, if you're not a little nicer to your help, you might find yourself in a Frank Lloyd Wright situation. Richard: Frank Lloyd Wright? Emily: What on earth does Frank Lloyd Wright have to do with my salad? Richard: And your walnuts. Lorelai: Mrs. Wright apparently had this major problem with her help. She was very rough on them and they totally hated her. So this guy who had worked for her forever, he had finally had enough. I believe the incident was over walnuts, wasn't it, honey? Rory: The exact cause has not been proven. Lorelai: Anyhow, Mrs. Wright invites this whole posse of people over for dinner and they're all sitting around eating, and Mr. Disgruntled Servant Guy goes outside and locks all the doors and windows and douses the whole house in gasoline and sets the place on fire. Emily: My goodness. Lorelai: So the house is on fire, and people are freaking out, so they run to the doors but the doors are locked, so a few of them try to get out through the windows, but Mr. Angry-Puss is standing outside with an ax hacking them to death and so they all died. Emily: Why on earth would you tell me that story? Lorelai: All I'm saying is sometimes eating a walnut is preferable to getting hacked to death or set on fire during dinner.

Rory: I wanna say that I'm sorry. Dean: For what? Rory: For treating you the way I did. For doing all the things you said I did. I am so, so sorry. It's all my fault. I don't know what's wrong with me. You were the most amazing boyfriend in the world. You made me so happy. You made me laugh, you made my mother like you, you were nice to my friends, you protected me, you even came with me to that stupid debutante ball. Dean: I don't need the list. Rory: I really did love you. Please believe that. Dean: You with him now? Rory: I don't wanna talk about him. I just came to tell you that I'm truly sorry that I hurt you, and that I'm going to miss you so much, and I just hope that someday you won't hate me anymore. Dean: I hope so, too.

Rory: Can we not say the word "college" for at least forty-eight hours? Lorelai: Fine. Rory: Thank you. Lorelai: How 'bout "collage," can we say "collage"? 'Cause it sounds the same, but it's actually very different. Rory: Collage is fine. Lorelai: Okay, good, 'cause I don't even know how to get through a conversation without using the word collage.

Rory: We go. We look. Hi Yale. Bye Yale. It's over. No harm, no foul. Lorelai: How many more two-word sentences can you come up with?

(Rory is talking to Lorelai about her new relationship with Jess) Rory: Are you going to talk to him? Lorelai: I'll at least match him grunt for grunt. Rory: Okay. Now, let's say he's in the house and there's a fire and you can either save him or your shoes - which is it? Lorelai: That depends, did he start the fire?

Kirk: You've got to help me, Luke -- I'm shaking like a spastic colon!

Lorelai: You're seriously gonna run all over town looking for Jess and Rory? Luke: If I have to, yes! And if you were really a concerned mother you'd go with me. Lorelai: No I can't do that. But if you like I'll let you sniff Rory's sweater, maybe her scent will help you track them down. Luke: The things you find amusing astound me sometimes. (Luke turns to leave then turns back around to grab Rory's sweater) Lorelai: You're really gonna sniff it? Luke: No, it's cold out. She may need it.

(Kirk entering Luke's Diner holding his trophy) Kirk: Look I'll be needing one of your larger tables since your smaller tables simply cannot accommodate the sheer size of my massive trophy. Luke: Put it on the floor. Kirk: It needs its own chair. Luke: It's gonna need some glue if you don't sit down. Kirk: Everybody hates a winner.

Lorelai: Why are you sitting over there? Rory: Where? Lorelai: At that table. Rory: Huh? How did I get here? Lorelai: You sat there. Rory: This chair's very close to that chair so you understand how I could've made the mistake. Lorelai: Move over here with me? Rory: Why don't you move over here with me? Lorelai: Because I'm not the one who sat in the wrong chair. Rory: I think it's a little presumptuous to assume that my chair is the wrong chair when my chair could just as easily be the right chair. Lorelai: No. Rory: Why? Lorelai: Because I'm the leader of the clan. The provider of the household. The Alpha male. And the one whose feet just fell asleep. So there's absolutely no chance of movement. Rory: Fine.

Rory: You know it doesn't have to be a total loss. Lorelai: Look how she's leading me back to the car. Rory: I'm sure you and I can figure out a fun thing to do while they're off at dinner. Some cool road-trip thing. Lorelai: In New Haven? Rory: Well yeah. Lorelai: Sweetie have you ever been to New Haven? Rory: No. Lorelai: Take a look at the coffee pot tomorrow before I clean it. That's New Haven.

(Rory and Lorelai get into the car after Friday night dinner; Lorelai starts the car) Rory: I have to tell you something. Lorelai: Ok. Rory: Grandpa talked to me tonight. (Loralai turns off the car) Why'd you turn the car off? Lorelai: I'm just getting the sense that I shouldn't be driving a large vehicle when you tell me this.

Luke: Rory and Jess, Jess and Rory. I think this is great. Don't you think this is great? Lorelai: I think Rory is 17. It's probably time for a Jess. Luke: Look, I know Jess is a little tough sometimes, but he likes Rory and Rory's a good kid. Hopefully she'll rub off on him. Lorelai: You know what? I spent a lot of time and energy fighting this whole Jess thing. Rory's made her choice. I want her to be happy. I'm just hoping for the best at this point. Luke: Very romantic... Lorelai: Says the man who yelled "finally" at the end of Love Story.

Emily: And what do you intend to do with that paper clip? Lorelai: I intend to carve something really dirty into the bathroom door. Emily: Lorelai. Lorelai: What rhymes with Nantucket?

Emily: This is where your father proposed. Rory: Really? Richard: That's right. Lorelai: By the trash can. Emily: That's right. Lorelai: Well, that's very romantic. . .especially if you need to spit your gum out. (long pause) Richard: Oh, glad to hear it. Shall we continue? Lorelai: Okay, but you're not gonna show me the vending machine where I was conceived, are you? 'Cause I don't think I can take it.

Jess: She tried to kiss me. Luke: Jess. Jess: She did that thing where you stretch and then you put your arm around the other person's shoulder and then you sneeze and then your hand falls and you try to grab – Luke: Jess, stop it.

Rory: A singing group? Richard: A very famous singing group, actually. Like the Beatles, but with better table manners.

Luke: They did? I was at the dance, how come I didn't know about this? Lorelai: Because you're you.

Luke: But why, what happened? Lorelai: Jess happened. Luke: Wow, wow. So. . . Lorelai: Yup. Luke: Wow. Well, this is great. Lorelai: I'll tell Dean you said that.

Kirk: It's almost more a weapon than a trophy. Lorelai: Really? Can I hold it, then?

Lorelai: Maybe if we concentrate really hard, our combined psychic powers will move it closer. (They stare at the diner) Rory: I don't think it's working. Lorelai: It's my fault, I'm not focusing. Rory: Yes, that must be why we can't move a half a city block closer to us.

(About his relationship with Rory) Jess: What do you think is going to happen? Luke: You know what I think is going to happen. Jess: No I don't. Tell me. Tell me what I'm going to do to her. Luke: You're not going to do anything to her because when you're at her place, there's Lorelai, and when you're here, there's me, and when you're out there, there's Taylor.

Jess: Romeo and Juliet had warring families and they still managed to do a little damage, you know? Luke: Well, as soon as I catch you in a pair of tights, I'll get worried. Until then, do your homework.

Jess: Please let me get you a soda. I gotta do something other than stand here like a moron. Rory: Take comfort in the fact that you are not doing it alone.