Gilmore Girls Season 1 Episode 21

(Luke has just left Lorelai's house, after having a rather intense encounter with Max)
Max: So are we going?
Lorelai: Uh, yeah. Just wanted to make sure you two were through swinging those things around. Someone's bound to lose an eye.
Max: What are you talking about?Lorelai: Nothing. I'll get my purse.
(Max follows Lorelai into the living room)
Max: So not to be blunt, but is that over?
Lorelai: Is what over?
Max: Whatever's going on that I just walked in on.
Lorelai: Oh Max, come on, that's Luke.
Max: I kind of picked something up there.
Lorelai: Okay. Well, drop it back on the ground and kick it under the couch, because there is no there there.
Max: Hey, it's okay. I mean, we were apart for quite a while. I never assumed you joined a convent.
Lorelai: Max.
Max: I mean, it's not like I didn't date while we were apart.
Lorelai: You dated?
Max: A little.
Lorelai: A little person?
Max: No, I dated a little.
Lorelai: Okay. Well, I didn't expect you to join a manvent or whatever the male equivalent of that is called. Who did you date?
Max: A monastery.
Lorelai: You dated a monastery?
Max: No, a monastery is the male equivalent of a convent.
Lorelai: Thank you Mr. Medina. I'll make a note for the quiz on Friday.
Max: I didn't know if I'd ever see you again.
Lorelai: No, I get it. Yes. We were apart. And, uh, you know, I didn't exactly remain inactive.
Max: So you did date Luke?
Lorelai: No, I did not date Luke.
Max: You can tell me.
Lorelai: I did not date Luke.
Max: There was a vibe.
Lorelai: There was no vibe. What is with the questioning? You won't tell me who you dated.

Rory: I can't date you, Tristan.
Tristan: Well I give you permission.
Rory: And on that humble note... (Rory walks off)

Lorelai: I had the weirdest dream last night. We were in our house but it wasn't our house, it was a Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Rory: I'm hooked.
Lorelai: I had to get dressed but my clothes were in the back and the guy manning the giant oil vat would not let me through.
Rory: Oh my God that's so weird. When you said oil vat that just reminded me I had this dream last night. We were swimming in a pool, only it wasn't water it was like oil or honey or something.
Lorelai: Hey.
Rory: What?
Lorelai: You totally did the thing.
Rory: What thing?
Lorelai: The thing. Where one person is describing their dream and it reminds the other person about their dream and suddenly it's all about their dream and the first person is just standing there like 'Um, hey man what about my dream?'
Rory: I'm sorry. The oil vat guy was being mean...

(Luke broke into Lorelai's house)
Luke: It's the kind of lock burglars go for.
Lorelai: How do you know?
Luke: It's easy to break. I proved that.
Lorelai: You proved that by...
Luke: Breaking in through the back door.

(Dean's sister told Rory he had pictures of her)
Rory: Yeah. What's your name?
Clara: Clara.
Rory: You're a pretty girl, Clara.
Clara: Thanks
Rory: Now, was it has or had?
Clara: I-I don't know.
Rory: You do know Clara. Had is past tense. Has is present. Now think.
Clara: I'm trying!
Rory: Can you go to his room now?
Clara: He doesn't like me in his room.
Rory: Sneak in, he'll never no.
(Clara starts tearing up) Oh no, don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm a nice person, I'm a girl scout.
Dean(off screen) Clara?
Rory: (abruptly) Bye! (starts running away, Dean comes up behind Clara)
Dean: What's the matter?
Clara: She scared me.
Dean: Who?
Clara: The girl scout.

Rory: Because sometimes you have something you need to say but you can't because the words won't come out or you get scared or you feel stupid, so if you could write a song and sing it then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself, but all of us can't be songwriters so some of us will never be able to say what we're thinking or what we want other people to know that we're thinking so we'll never get the chance to make things right again ever.

(At the town meeting)
Taylor: Lorelai, I hope that's not food in those bags. Food is not allowed at town meetings.
Lorelai: No Taylor, it is… it's um, diapers for the little ones.
Taylor: What?
Lorelai: Dorsal fins and cucamonga.
Taylor: What did she say?
Lorelai: (Whispering to Max) I confuse him till he loses his train of thought and then he moves on. Hot dog?
...
(Later, when Lorelai has fries in her hand and Taylor looks at her suspiciously)
Lorelai: These are not fries. They are farfignugen sugen dugen.

(Lorelai is awakened from a sound sleep by a hammering noise)
Lorelai: Dear God Almighty Mr. Mirkle!

Max: Thank you for last night.
Lorelai: It was a good night, wasn't it?
Max: Several novels will be written about it.
Lorelai: I say we do it again, and next time I'll be the gypsy queen.

Luke: I forgot my toolbox, so I just thought I'd come pick it up.
Lorelai: Oh, yeah. It's right over here. Rory and I couldn't lift it or we would've brought it to you, and then we got used to having it here, so we named it Bert, and we'd say, "Good night, Bert," and it'd say, "Good night girls," and--we spend too much time home alone.

Tristan: I'm all-knowing.
Rory: How Godlike of you.

Max: We can't keep getting this close just to have something completely derail us again. And frankly there's only one thing I can think of that could solve it.
Lorelai: Break up.
Max: Ugh.
Lorelai: Well, I'm not interested in a murder-suicide kind of thing ...
Max: We should get married.
(long pause)
Lorelai: Give me a clue as to whether you're kidding or not.
Max: I am not kidding.
Lorelai: Good clue.

Max: So did you date Luke?
Lorelai: No, I did not date Luke.
Max: You can tell me.
Lorelai: I did not date Luke.
Max: There was a vibe.

Lorelai: (to Max about his proposal) It should be magical. There should be music playing and romantic lighting and a subtle buildup to the popping of the big question. There should be a thousand yellow daisies and candles and a horse and I don't know what the horse is doing there unless you're riding it, which seems a little over the top, but it should be more than this.

Luke: Yeah, I'm gonna get going. I just left my toolbox from when I was here earlier fixing things. I do a lot of little things around here for Lorelai.
Lorelai: Yeah, you're very handy. So Luke, we'll talk later.
Luke: Yes we will.
Max: Although probably not tonight. We won't be back until late.
Lorelai: No, I meant not tonight.
Max: Oh, I misunderstood.
Lorelai: I meant tomorrow. So tomorrow.
Luke: Absolutely. We see each other most everyday.
Max: Well sure, you've got the coffee.
Luke: And she needs the coffee. So I'll see you tomorrow.
Lorelai: Tomorrow.
Luke: Same time as always.
Max: I'd count on a little later.
Luke: Doesn't matter what time it is. I'll always be around.

Dean: My sister recognized you from the pictures in my box.
Rory: In what box?
Dean: The box of stuff I have of us. Pictures and letters and everything I got from you.
Rory: You have a Rory box?

Dean: (referring to Tristan) Your boyfriend's waiting.
Rory: He's not my boyfriend! I hate him!
Dean: Whatever.
Rory: Dean!
Dean: What?
Rory: Stop!
Dean: Why?
Rory: Because I love you, you idiot!

Madeline: So I've decided I'm now completely into Judy Garland. Did you see the TV movie? Pretty intense.
Louise: I think they used my mother's medicine cabinet in that.
Madeline: She was the Courtney Love of her day.
Paris: Show me a trend and I'll show you Madeline.
Madeline: Judy Garland is trendy?
Paris: Completely.
Louise: She was neo-addict retro chic.
Madeline: No one tells me these things