Gilmore Girls

Lorelai: (letting Luke in the house) Hey. Luke: Hey, you back. (kiss) Ready? Lorelai: Almost. Luke: Almost? Lorelai: I just have to find my keys, and finish the laundry… Luke: That doesn't sound like almost, that sounds like we're gonna have to speed to the movies, park illegally, you hit the bathroom while I grab the popcorn, we'll meet back at the seats all sweaty and aggravated – Lorelai: Well of course I'll be aggravated, you forgot the Red Vines. No, no keys here. (searching) Luke: You know the lights are on in your Jeep? Lorelai: Oh yeah, the porch light's out and it was dark so I left the Jeep on for the light. Could you lift, please? Luke: (while lifting the couch) But the battery's going to die. Lorelai: Oh, no, I timed it. It takes 12 hours for the battery to wear out. I go to work at eight o'clock, giving me two hours to spare and a whole day to recharge. Not here either. Down, please. (Luke puts the couch back down) Luke: Why don't you just change the porch light? Lorelai: Have you seen how dirty it is up there? With those creepy moths that fly in your face, and you could swallow one, and end up with some weird hand-to-mouth-to-moth disease – Luke: There's no such thing. Lorelai: Oh, no? Did you see Mothman Prophecies? Luke: Yes. Lorelai: Oh, well, okay then. Did you see the sequel? Luke: There's a sequel? Lorelai: Yes. It is a heartbreaking saga in which Richard Gere gets a life threatening disease from changing a dirty porch light. Luke: There was no sequel. Lorelai: Well, it's still really gross up there. Luke: How long has it been out? Lorelai: Uh, since Rory broke up with Dean, the first time. Lorelai: Yes, he was the last one to change it. Jess never changed the porch light, by the way. Okay, this room is definitely keyless. Kitchen! (Lorelai walks into kitchen and opens oven) Luke: You left your keys in the stove? Lorelai: No, my socks. Luke: Your socks, of course. How naïve of me. Lorelai: It makes them warm and slightly toasty. (putting the socks on) Huh, that's weird. Luke: What's weird? There's so much to choose from. Lorelai: They're still damp. I followed the recipe. Bake at two-fifty, ten minutes on one side, ten on the other, they should be done by now. Think my oven's broken? Luke: What about your dryer? Lorelai: No, dryer's fine. Luke: I think we should get to the movies. Lorelai: All done, let's go. Luke: Keys! Lorelai: Ah, forget about them. I'll just leave the door unlocked. Luke: You can't leave the door unlocked. That's not safe. Lorelai: Sure it is. Luke: Just because you say it's safe doesn't make it safe. Lorelai: If you build it, they will come. Luke: Have you checked out the… Your keys are in the door! Lorelai: Huh, they are? That's right, I had to go in the back way because the porch light was out! Luke: They're stuck. Lorelai: Yeah, that happens. (she hangs a towel over the doorknob) There. You ready? Luke: I can never pick you up here again.

Lorelai: (to Rory on the phone) Luke did the funniest bit before, I thought you would so be – Luke: Would you stop? I did not do a bit. Lorelai: What are you talking about? The bit! It was a riot. Luke: It wasn't a bit! I banged my head on the stove and it hurt like hell. Lorelai: No… no, you said it funnier before. Do it again! Luke: I told you, I never did it in the first place. You did it, it's your bit. Lorelai: How could it be my bit when it's your head in the oven? Luke: Exactly. My head, my conk, no bit. .... Luke: - Ow! Geez! What the – D'oh! Lorelai: (laughing) He did it! He did the bit! Luke, do it again. Do it louder for Rory. Rory: Hey, Mom? Lorelai: Yeah? Rory: You sound happy. Lorelai: I am, kid. (smiles at Luke) Luke: What?

Lorelai: Okay, different school, but same Rory. You're great at the catch up thing, you're the "catch up girl" – not to be confused with "ketchup girl", 'cause that's not you at all. You were strictly a mustard and relish girl from day one – there's a little condiment humor for ya. Rory: I'm really going to have to work – constantly. Maybe I'll have to look for something part-time at a local paper. Lorelai: Good, that's good… Or you could work for a fishmonger. Rory: What? Lorelai: 'Cause there's lots of newspapers there.

(Logan is sitting at his desk at the Yale Daily News. He puts on an old "press" hat and picks up the phone) Logan: (in a 1920's reporter voice) Hello, city desk? Smitty here, take this down. I got a hot scoop on a tall blonde and I gotta put it to bed on the double! (he hangs up, laughs at Doyle, winks at Rory, then puts his feet back on the desk and leans back for a nap with the hat over his face)

Lorelai: You smell as good as you look. Christopher: I haven't showered since Seattle. Lorelai: Really? Well, I'm hot.

Sookie: I don't know why I'm getting so nutty about this, I mean I hear myself getting nutty and I know that there's no one coming for lunch and I know that Norman Mailer's not responsible for no one coming for lunch and I tell myself it's just temporary, that there's still dinner and breakfast and that's good and I can do a lot with that, and I try to calm myself down and that just only seems to make me crazier, and all I want to do is cry and scream and oh...my God, I'm pregnant!

Lorelai: Kirk, what are you doing? You're a giant hot dog! Kirk: Technically, I'm a giant wiener. The costume tag says 'wiener'.

(Describing a hike to a pair of tourists) Michel: Okay, so over here by the semi-polluted brook, you will find large, scary spiders and a fascinating display of poison ivy, which brings you to the rattlesnake curve where people have actually died painful but very picturesque deaths.

Rory: I want to do this story. I want to find this club, track them down, get on the inside. What do you think? Doyle: Go with your gut. Rory: You said that about my downloading story. Hey, you don't trust my gut!

Christopher: I can't do this. Lorelai: What, shower? Oh, you've done it before. Just turn the water on, step in. Oh wait, remove clothes, then step in. Christopher: I can't raise her. I cannot raise her all by myself. Lorelai: Yes you can. Christopher: What makes you think so? Lorelai: Because you have to. Chris, she's your daughter, and you're going to find a way. I did. I did it with Rory. Christopher: You're different. Lorelai: Yes, I was sixteen.

Lorelai: Sookie what was the first thing that we agreed on when we opened the Inn? Sookie: What? Lorelai: Keep Kirk away from the business. Then I get a call from a not so jolly Luke and I run down there and find a giant hotdog handing out 10% off flyers for lunch at the Dragonfly. Sookie: Who was the giant hotdog? Lorelai: Kirk was the giant hotdog. Sookie: I didn't tell him to dress like a giant hotdog. Why would he dress up like a giant hotdog? Lorelai: Because it's Kirk. The giant hotdog suit was a given the minute you talked to Kirk.

Lorelai: Come on Kirk. And I'm sorry but why a hotdog? The Dragonfly doesn't serve hotdogs. Kirk: Well the quiche made me look fat.