Gilmore Girls

Rory: Phone. It's Debbie Fincher. Lorelai: Who? Rory: Kathy Fincher's mom, from Stars Hollow High. Lorelai: I remember Kathy. Rory: You met Debbie many times, had many conversations with her at bake sales, school plays, and the PTA. Lorelai: Not ringing a bell. Rory: I used to go swimming at her house all the time. You and Debbie had long chats when you dropped me off. Lorelai: No. Rory: Blonde hair, medium height, drove a Range Rover. Lorelai: Does she also breathe and have toes? Rory: What? Lorelai: Well, narrow it down to less than 8,000 possibilities! Rory: I did with the swimming. Lorelai: I remember the water. Rory: Come on. Blonde hair, medium height. Lorelai: See? Even you can't think of another way to describe her!

Rory: Oh, a girl told me once that if your scalp is hurting, drink a 7-Up. It has something to do with the fizz. Lane: The Kim household does not have soft drinks! Rory: Well, what do you have? Lane: Something called salad water, imported from Korea. Trust me, it's nothing like 7-Up!

Debbie: Hey, I have a proposition for you. The PTA likes to ask prominent locals in business to talk to the students about how they got to where they are, and all the hard work it takes. You know, success stories. And we thought about you. Lorelai: To suggest people who have success stories?

Rory: Here's a thought. How about if you tell your mom the truth and insist that she let you play in the band, and rehearse in Stars Hollow, loudly, as long as your schoolwork doesn't suffer? Lane: Oh, I'm sorry, was that an actual suggestion? Rory: It's worth a shot. Lane: You're thinking of your mom, Rory. If I said that to my mom, she'd start waving a Crucifix at me.

Luke: I mean, you can go out and at least find one that you actually care about. Jess: Oh, like it's that easy. Luke: Yeah, it's that easy if you try. Jess: Hey, the girls that I like don't give a damn about me! And unlike some other people I know, I'm not gonna sit around hoping that they change their minds and suddenly notice me. Luke: What's that supposed to mean? Jess: You fixed any neighbor's porches lately? Or you go on a picnic or you get rooked into giving a ridiculous speech at a high school? Luke: Shut up. Jess: At least I've got a little self-esteem. Luke: Shut up. Jess: I'm not playing Golden Retriever, hoping one day she'll turn around and fall in my arms. If she doesn't wanna be with me, then fine. Luke: You have no idea what you're talking about.

(Lorelai pulls a shirt from Luke's closet) Lorelai: Oh my God. Luke: What? Lorelai: Jimmy Buffett? Luke: Put that back. Lorelai: You like Jimmy Buffett? He's so mellow. Luke: I've just been to a few shows, that's all. Lorelai: A few shows? Oh my God, you're a Buffetthead. Luke: Is that the one you want me to wear or not? Lorelai: Sing Margaritaville. Luke: No. Jess: That attitude's gonna lose you that toy. Luke: Stay outta this.

Lane: Once, a guy in our town named Kirk was practicing Bohemian Rhapsody with his band, the Kirk Gleason Five, and my mom shut them down so fast that the band fled without their instruments and never came back for them. To this day, Kirk can't listen to Queen without tearing up.

Lane: I have got to do something! Rory: Run around the block! Lane: Why? Rory: I don't know! Lane: Good enough for me. (dashes out of the room)

Lorelai: So I think I'm in touch with the other side. Rory: The other side of... Lorelai: The other side. Rory: With Republicans?

Lorelai: Lane can't quit the band! She has to get famous and introduce me to Bono.

Luke: Jess, this isn't right. You can't treat a girl like this, like dirt! Jess: If it's any consolation to you, she treats me like dirt, too. It's a pretty symbiotic relationship.

Shane: (on phone) Hold on a sec. (to Rory) Will this be all? Rory: Yeah, that'll be all. I'm growing a beard here. Shane: What's your problem? Rory: What's your problem? I'm a customer, I'm in a hurry, and you're supposed to assist me. Shane: I am assisting you. Rory: Yeah, after you took your sweet time getting off the phone, which by the way, clearly was not a business call. Shane: Un-freaking-believable. Rory: Yeah, it is, it is. The level of service in this place is just that un-freaking-believable. Shane: Have a nice day. Rory: Yeah, thanks, you too. And by the way, bloaty is not a word. There's bloated, there's bloating, but no bloaty. Shane: Thanks, that's fascinating. Rory: Well, for you, how ice is made is probably fascinating. See ya.

Lane: Is it that obvious? Rory: Only to a guy with sunglasses and a dog selling pencils.

(Luke walks over to Lorelai. His high school picture is hanging in the display case with the caption "State High Hurdles Champion – 1985 - Butch Danes") Luke: For the love of...What's that doing there? Lorelai: What's it doing? It's yelling, 'Mock me, mock me!' Luke: It shouldn't be there. Lorelai: Oh no, you're right. It should have its own special display at the diner with a big old spotlight on it. Luke: Don't they need my permission for this? This should be illegal. Lorelai: No, those shorts with that tank top should be illegal.

Lane: Rory, I just drank a gallon of liquid salad. Insanity is a daily staple at the Kim house.

Mrs. Kim: Good. Now, if you meet Jesus walking on the street, what are the three questions you would like to ask? Ah.

Luke: Hey, wait now. You're talking crazy talk trying to confuse me now, aren't you? Lorelai: Aren't you! Luke: What? Lorelai: Who? Luke: Stop it! Lorelai: Bye!

Lorelai: (running up and hugging Rory and Lane) At last, people who like me!

Jess: Women. Can't live with 'em, can't keep 'em from jumping into your closet.

Lorelai: (about the teenagers in the class that she was trying to give a speech to) They were coming at me like I was Poland and they were Nazis!

Lane: The smell of bleach is the smell of freedom! Rory: Aren't you in a dramatic mood today.

Luke: (to Lorelai, who is being annoying) Have you been diagnosed yet?

Lorelai: All Stars Hollow moms looked alike, except for Lane's mom and that one mom with the freaky glass eye that never moved.

Zack: Breathing should not be louder than rock music. Am I right or am I right?

Luke: (bringing Lorelai and Rory burgers) Dead cow, dead cow.

Lane: Of course, I don't exactly have what you and Dean have because you love Dean and Dean loves you back. In my situation, I love Dave and Dave thinks that I have a decent sense of rhythm.