Gilmore Girls

April: Wow. I don't think I've ever met a person who hasn't been to Target. Luke: Well, now you have. But if you say that's the place to go, then we'll go. April: It's the place to go.

April: Hey, is it all right if I read a while longer before turning out the light? Luke: A real page-turner, huh? April: Oh yeah, Mitosis is insane. Luke: Knock yourself out.

Lorelai: You're being a gentleman. Is that the special thing? Christopher: I always open your door. Lorelai: Bucket seats? Is that the special thing? No? Take a good long look at my hair now cause it's not going to look like this for the rest of the night. (Christopher starts the car) Rumbly engine, is that the special thing? Christopher: Buckle your seatbelt! Lorelai: Buckling my seatbelt, is that the special thing? Christopher: Yup that's it. You're all buckled in, dates over! Lorelai: Ooh.

Lorelai: I'm just so glad you were with me tonight, I mean, anybody else who would have seen me laughing as I bailed my mother out of jail, just would have thought I was completely deranged. Christopher: Well, I know you're deranged. But for completely different reasons.

Lorelai: I'll never forget the movie I saw the night I picked my mother up from jail!

Lorelai: Now come on, what was it like on the inside? Huh? Did you try to tunnel your way out with a spoon? You know, did they try to make you join a gang, and Mom, now that you're on the outside and they're still on the inside are they going to try to use you as some kind of prison mule? I just, so much I need to know. (sigh)

Lorelai: I just have one question for you Mom. Why on earth did you call me? I mean, thank you very much, from the bottom of my heart for that incredible gift, you don't need to get me anything for the next 5 Christmases. But why did you call me, not Dad? Emily: It was his first night teaching at Yale. He was having dinner with the Dean. I'm not about to call him so he can excuse himself to come bail his wife out of jail!

Emily: Yes, it's all quite amusing isn't it? My being arrested, held behind bars, manhandled and patted down. Hardy har!

Lorelai: Do you mind if I turn on the music Mom? Emily: That's fine. Lorelai: What're you in the mood for? "Jail House Rock?" "Folsom Prison Blues?" Emily: You're very funny Lorelai. Lorelai: No, no, no, I know, I know - "Working on the Chain Gang!"

(Emily is released from jail) Emily: Oh, thank you for giving me things that already belong to me! Well you can all be very proud of yourselves, you're doing a crack job, you finally got menace to society, Emily Gilmore off the streets. You'll be hearing from my lawyer.

Christopher: This was our 5th bad movie in a row, it's gotta be some kind of record. Lorelai: We've gotta face facts - movies have gotten bad! Christopher: Unless it's our fault. Lorelai: What? No. We didn't make the bad movies. Christopher: No, we made the movies bad. Think about it, we are the common factor. Lorelai: Ahh! Christopher: All the movies, very different, different genres, different languages even. We saw them in different theaters, at different times. What do they all have in common? Lorelai: They were all seen by us. WOW! Christopher: (nodding) Uh huh. Lorelai: We can never see Casablanca together. I mean I'm very sorry. I don't care how much I love it, but I will not be responsible for ruining Casablanca.

Lorelai: Snakes are gross. Snakes are scary and slithery and do you know where snakes do not belong? Christopher: On a plane? Lorelai: They do not belong on a plane. Christopher: It's not an ideal situation. Lorelai: They do not belong anywhere except in cages, stuck in safes burried deep, deep underground. I hate snakes. Christopher: So I'm gathering. Lorelai: With their gross no legged bodies and their scaly, scaly skin, and their wiggling and their hissing. Christopher: Okay, Lore, I respect your very valid feelings about snakes. But I have to say, we were fairly warned. Lorelai: No. No. A movie should not just be its title. Driving Miss Daisy didn't all take place in a car, Dances With Wolves wasn't one long wolf dance. But this was nothing but snakes. snakes, relentless snakes, snakes, on a plane, snakes, snakes, snakes on a plane!

Sheila: (about Rory's apartment) Holy crap, your boyfriend is rich!

Rory: But, Mom... Lorelai: Yeah? Rory: I'm really glad things are good between you. Lorelai: Me too. Rory: I'm just- Lorelai: Yeah? Rory: I just want you to be careful Lorelai: Is this the safe sex talk? Because even if the ghost of Emily Post says it's okay, it is just plain weird.

Christopher: I have a surprise for you. Lorelai: Snakes on a Boat?!

Cop: License and registration, please. Emily: Why do you need to see my license and registration? I wasn't speeding. Cop: You were talking on a cell phone, ma'am. Emily: I don't see how that's any of your concern. Do my bills go to your office? Cop: It is illegal in the state of Connecticut to talk on a cell phone while operating a vehicle. Emily: Well, that's absurd! I can't talk on my own cell phone in my own car? Cop: License and registration, ma'am. Emily: If I can manage to drink a cup of hot coffee while driving, I can certainly manage to talk on a cell phone—or is drinking coffee illegal, too? Can I listen to the radio? Can I open the glove compartment? Perhaps you should outlaw scratching your nose—that would cut down on accidents. Cop: Ma'am, have you been drinking?

Cop: I'm gonna need you to blow into this breathalyser for me. Emily: Young man, I don't know where that's been, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that it won't be going anywhere near my mouth!

Miss Patty: Nothing ever happens. Oh, except for that one time. Luke: What one time? Miss Patty: Well I took my senior ballerinas to try out for "The Nutcracker", and one of the girls pulled a Tonya Harding and knocked the front runner for Clara out of the competition. Broke her leg in three places. Luke: That's not nothing. That is the opposite of nothing. Miss Patty: It's totally different. It's a much rougher crowd. Luke: Rougher crowd? They're ballerinas. Miss Patty: Oh yeah, I know. Everyone thinks "Ballerinas-so sweet, so fragile." Trust me they're dancing on stress fractures and ingrown toenails, and they haven't eaten in weeks.