Gilmore Girls

Emily: ...Rory finished in the top 3 percent! Lorelai: I know. Emily: You do? Well, who do you know at Chilton? Lorelai: Um...Rory. (points at Rory)

Emily: You're here! Richard, they're here! Richard: Wonderful! Emily: Come in, come in, come in! Lorelai: Uh, no. Emily: Why? Lorelai: You're scaring Rory.

Lorelai: I got stuff on my mind.
Rory: Max stuff?
Lorelai: No, stuff, stuff.
Rory: You're lying!
Lorelai: I'm being mysterious, that's what women do.
Rory: Mom...
Lorelai: Oh, look. Doorbell. Pretty sound!

(Lorelai is on the phone with Max, upset by her chat with Luke.) Lorelai: If I die, I want you to know where the coupon drawer is! Max: Yes, I'd like that too. I think.

Richard: You know, when I was ten years old I knew exactly where I wanted to work. Lorelai: Well, that's because you were always picked last for dodgeball.

Emily: Our daughter is getting married. She is getting married, and she didn't tell us. When Rory decides to get married I want her to tell us.

(Most of the town is pressed up against the windows of Luke's diner) Luke: Crazy people. The whole town should be medicated and put in a rec room with ping-pong tables and hand puppets.

Lorelai: I've got to check in at the Inn. Michel's there by himself. People could die.

Emily: William is a lovely boy. Richard: His head is shaped like a football. Emily: It is not. Richard If he fell asleep in the park someone would try to punt him.

Rory: That was ages ago. Read a paper. Lorelai: They make my hands black.

Lorelai: I know. Emily: You do? Well, who do you know at Chilton? Lorelai: Um, Rory.

Lorelai: Everything about me repulses that man. My coffee drinking, my eating habits. Remember when I called him Ranger Bob last week, he hated that!

Luke: But who knows how long you'll work after you're married. Lorelai: Excuse me? Luke: But you probably already talked about that, right? Lorelai: No, but I do think he and my father have come to an agreement on how many goats I'm worth.

(Sookie's hand is injured) Sookie: I'll be fine. I'm a good clotter.

Sookie: What are you doing? Michel: I am weighing my turkey. Sookie: Why? Michel: A group of scientists did a study on rats where they cut their daily calories by 30%. Sookie: And you felt left out? Michel: No, the rats lived 30% longer. The scientists were so impressed that they cut their own calories just like the rats. Sookie: It was a very nice display of solidarity.

Luke: (to Lorelai) Fresh coffee'll be ready in a minute, unless you wanna just roll up a dollar bill and go nuts.

Lorelai: You want tater tots also? Rory: That's a rhetorical question, right?

(after Rory keeps talking about wedding stuff even though Lorelai wants her to change the subject) Lorelai: You know how on All in the Family when Edith would be yapping about something and Archie would pretend to make a noose and hang himself or shoot himself in the head? Rory: Yeah? Lorelai: I don't know. Something about this moment just made me think of that.

Rory: You should walk down the aisle to Frank Sinatra with a huge bouquet of something that smells really good. Lorelai: Pot roast.

Rory: Grandma, I can't believe you found the recipe for Beefaroni. Emily: It wasn't easy. Antonia thought I'd gone insane. Lorelai: Well... Emily: No one needs a comment from you.

Bootsy: (reading a gossipy magazine) So, apparently they shoot a gland from a pig's head into Ivana Trump's rear end twice a month to keep her looking young. Lorelai: Wow, I hope she's not Kosher.

Rory: When is dinner ready? Lorelai: Do I look like a timer? Rory: I thought you might have set one. Lorelai: Silly rabbit. Rory: Timers are for kids. Lorelai: I say 10 minutes, it's done.