Gilmore Girls

Rory: Sounds like you're over thinking this. Maybe if you just put pen to paper... Lorelai: I tried that. I thought I'd just sit down and write…whatever comes...no judgment...no inner critic…ooh, was that a bad idea. Rory: Really why? Lorelai: Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish…I'm writing a letter…I can't write a letter…why can't I write a letter?…I'm wearing a green dress...I wish I was wearing my blue dress...my blue dress is at the cleaners...the Germans wore grey...you wore blue...Casablanca, Casablanca...such a good movie...Casablanca...the White House...Bush...why don't I drive a hybrid car? I should really drive a hybrid car...I should really take my bicycle to work...bicycle, unicycle, unitard...hockey puck, rattle snake, monkey, monkey, underpants. Rory: Hockey puck, rattle snake, monkey, monkey, underpants? Lorelai: Exactly! That's what I'm saying. It's a big bag of weird in there. So I think, well I need inspiration, you know. I need a muse. Perhaps I need 'the' muse. Maybe it would help if Sharon Stone would appear to me in an alarming caftan and coo inspirational words in my ear. Rory: Just write what you feel...that's all writing is. Hey, do you think there might be some reason why you are having trouble with this? I mean I would imagine that writing about Luke wouldn't be easy. Lorelai: I know! You should write it. Rory: What? No. Lorelai: Yes! You are a wonderful writer. Everything you write is so good...your grocery lists are like shimmering Haikus. Rory: Your write a pretty mean grocery list yourself and it doesn't have to shimmer. It just has to be authentic and real...

Christopher: Ooh, cool, mistletoe! Lorelai: Where are you going with that? Christopher: I'm gonna hang it up in the doorway. Rory: Oh, it doesn't go there. Christopher: Where does it go? Rory: We tape it up to one of the blades on the ceiling fan upstairs. That way, the kissing is more like a sport. Lorelai: It's a tradition. Christopher: That's one of your traditions? Rory: Our traditions are very important to us. Christopher: What other kinds of traditions am I in for? Rory: Well, on Christmas morning, we put red and green M&M's in our cereal. Christopher: Down with that!

(Luke hands April a bag with a gift he just exchanged) Lorelai: So, what did you get? April: Well, Dad, got me the greatest gift ever, a rock polishing kit. But, I kind of already got one from my grandmother, who's very into Christmas. So, we exchanged it for, this microscope. (holds out bag) Which is also the greatest present. Rory: Wow, that's great! April: My dad's always been a great gift giver. Luke: I guess I don't know if I've ever been considered so good at picking out presents, right Rory? Rory: Oh, no, you've always been great. Luke: Towels? April: What towels? Rory: You meant well. April: You gave her towels? Rory: For my birthday. Luke: I had them monogrammed. I thought it was cool. Rory: Yes, you went through quite the monogramming phase. Luke: I believe you received monogrammed pencils, a monogrammed mug, monogrammed backpack, and a monogrammed belt. Rory: Well, no one ever tried to steal that belt and those are my favorite towels. I still have a washcloth. April: That's hilarious. Rory: Hey, remember the year you got me the unicorn marionette with the purple horn. Luke: You didn't like the unicorn marionette? Rory: I've never been that into unicorns. Luke: I thought you loved that. Rory: I know because I was being polite. April: Being polite can be dangerous. Rory: Yes, it can. It totally backfired. Because for the next five years I only got unicorn items. Unicorn sweatshirt, unicorn pencil case, bumper sticker, "I Brake For Unicorns". No, but, you were always so nice. You never forgot my birthday and every holiday there was a monogrammed unicorn item. April: Dad, for the record, I'm not really into unicorns, either.

Luke: So, anyway, um, the court date is coming up, and, uh, I need a character reference. And Liz wrote one but my lawyer read it and, uh, he said it was sweet but filled with all these weird childhood anecdotes that I probably don't want share with anyone much less a court of law. And, I need another one and I just don't know who to go to. And I know it's an awful lot to ask (Lorelai nods her head "yes") and if it's weird or whatever... Lorelai: Yes. Luke: (continues talking) I mean I totally understand... Lorelai: Yes. Luke: But, if you could, uh... Lorelai: Yes, I'll do it. Luke: Yeah? Okay. (pulls a piece of paper out of his coat pocket and hands it to her) All right, well, this is my lawyer's address and you can just mail the letter directly to him. Lorelai: Okay. Luke: Yeah, and if you don't mind, if you could do it as soon as possible. I mean the court date is right around the corner. Lorelai: Definitely. Luke: Thanks. (touches her arm) Thank you. Lorelai: No, your welcome. Luke: Yeah, um, okay, I'll just, thanks. Lorelai: Sure, I'll get right on it. I'll send it to here. Luke: Okay. All right. (shakes her hand) Thanks. Okay.

Gil: Oh, man, you got the Alcmere 3000! Lane: The what? Gil: The breast pump! I'm psyched you guys picked this one. It's really gentle. I mean my wife's got sensitive nipples, this one didn't bum her out. Brian: You use that to pump... Gil: Milk, sure. That's if you choose to go the breast feeding route. Lane: You guys, I'm sure Brian is not interested in this! Brian: Breast feeding, huh? Gil: Yeah, I mean, some people go with the formula, which is cool, too. Actually, for baby number two we did use formula. Zack: Yeah? Gil: I mean, if you use formula, the old lady can smoke, drink, eat as many tacos as she wants, no problemo. Zack: Did you hear that, babe? Lane: (tensely) Yeah. Tacos. Thrilling.

Christopher: If you were to look up tree in a dictionary you would not find one of these fellows. Lorelai: Why would you look up tree in the dictionary? Rory: So we don't have classically good looking trees? Lorelai: Do you not know what a tree is? Rory: Oh, come on. Look at that tree. Christopher: I'm looking. Rory: That tree has character. Lorelai: It does. Rory: That tree has earned character by persevering through freezing winters and forest fires and floods. Lorelai: This tree's a fighter. Rory: Woodpeckers, I mean maniacal woodpeckers just pecking at its trunk. Lorelai: Survivor! Rory: Peck, peck, peck. Day in and day out. Lorelai: That tree's a champion! Rory: Smells so good in here with all our trees. Lorelai: It's like a dozen car air fresheners.

Rory: Oh... Lorelai: What? Rory: You took the Christmas lights down Lorelai: I didn't take them down. I haven't put them up yet. I saved Christmas for you. Rory: You- Lorelai: Before you left, we said we were going to wait and do Christmas together. Rory: Well. Ok. Yeah. But. Lorelai: (Looks at Rory's ear) What are those? Rory: What are what? Lorelai: Are those a Christmas Present from Logan? Rory: Uh- no. Well, yeah. But it's more like a late birthday, New Years present. (Lorelai sniffs her) What? Stop sniffing me. Lorelai: I smell Christmas cookies Rory: What? There's no way you could smell Christmas cookies from six days ago. Lorelai: So there were Christmas cookies? Rory: There may have been a little Christmas. Lorelai: Unbelievable.

(about their agreement to celebrate Christmas upon Rory's return from London) Lorelai: I didn't let any Christmas happen. I Grinched it up so hard I didn't even let it snow! Rory: What, it hasn't snowed yet? Lorelai: Thanks to me, thinking of you and our agreement, our pledge, our oath! Rory: You stopped the snow? Lorelai: Yes, by sheer force of will. We said we would have no Christmas, so, I had no Christmas. Rory: You must have had a little Christmas. Lorelai: None. Rory: No presents? Lorelai: No presents. Rory: No tree? Lorelai: No tree. Rory: No eggnog? Lorelai: No egg, no nog. I sat in the dark with the lights off and ate gruel. Rory: Okay, Mom, I hereby apologize for any accidental Christmas celebrating I may have done. I'm now ready to celebrate Christmas for real. Lorelai: Yeah? Rory: Yeah. Lorelai: Okay! Rory: So, you stopped the snow? Lorelai: Yeah, I did an anti-snow dance. It was humiliating and arduous. But I made a promise to my daughter. Rory: Humiliating? Lorelai: Two words: coconut bra.

(Rory pulls up in the drive from her trip to London) Lorelai: (skips out) Hi! Rory: Hi! Lorelai: (cheerily) I'm so mad at you. Rory: What kind of greeting is that? Lorelai: What kind of daughter doesn't let her mother pick her up at the airport? Rory: The kind of daughter that parks her car at the airport car park. Lorelai: Yeah, but, I'm the kind of mother that picks up her daughter from the airport. You know, with flowers, coffee, and a fake chauffeur's sign. Why would you mess with my sense of self? Rory: But, my car was parked at the airport car park. Lorelai: So what? I could have driven to the airport, picked you up, brought you back, then we both could have driven to pick up your car and then come back here. Rory: Yeah, because that wouldn't have been a waste of gas or anything. Lorelai: (tugs a bag out of the trunk) God, did you pack Big Ben? I still think it's kinda risky. Rory: What's risky? Lorelai: Well, you spent a lot of time across the pond. You might get confused and forget which side of the road to drive on. Rory: Yes, it was a near escape. (Chris and Gigi join them outside) Chris: Hey, welcome home! Gigi: The Red Coat is here! Rory: Hey dad! Chris: How you doing? Rory: Good! (kisses him) Hi, little sister. (hugs her; Gigi clings to her legs) Okay. Oh, alright. (moves to side of car) Chris: Hey, so you made it here okay? Rory: Yeah. Chris: You know, with all that time in England, I thought you might forget which side of the road to drive on. Lorelai: Hey, don't steal my material. Chris: What do you mean, material? Lorelai: I just made that joke. Chris: The driving on the other side of the road thing? That's my joke. If you just made it, you ripped me off. Lorelai: I ripped you off?! Rory: Guys! Lorelai: That's like saying Lenny Bruce rips off Carrot Top. Or Woody Allen gets his material from, what's his name, the guy that smashes watermelons? Chris: I did not rip you off. No way, no how, sister. I made that joke this morning at breakfast. Remember, we were sitting there, drinking coffee... Rory: Guys, guys, not that that's not a hilarious joke, but the guy at the car park made the same one. Gigi, would you want to take this inside for me? (hands her a bag of gifts) Gigi: Okay. Chris: Come on, Gigi. (Chris and Gigi go inside)

Lorelai: Oooh, look, Gigi! Do you know who made this star? Rory made it when she was just about your age. Gigi: That's nice. (goes back to what she was doing) Rory: Somebody's not impressed.

Lorelai: (going through her boxes of Christmas decorations) Oh, look, Santa's suit. Wow, this has seen better days. Gigi: Why do you have Santa's clothes? Lorelai: Because ... I ...used to do Santa's dry cleaning. Gigi: You did? Lorelai: Yeah. Gigi: Wow.

Lane: Hey, what's up with this tip? Customer: I'm sorry, I -- Lane: This is 50 percent! I don't need your pity tips, okay? I'm pregnant, not homeless!

April: You went to London by yourself over Christmas? Rory: Oh, well, I wasn't exactly by myself. I met my boyfriend there. April: Wow. Meeting a lover in a foreign city. How glamorous. I can't wait until I'm grown up and glamorous and can make my own decisions about where I go and when. Being a kid is the pits sometimes. Lorelai: It sure is.

April: Oh my God, Lane is gigantic! Luke: Yeah, I wouldn't mention that to Lane. April: Hey, did you know that the gestation period for an elephant is 22 months? Luke: Yeah, I wouldn't mention that to Lane either.

Rory: And what do we say if anybody asks? Gigi: We made ... we made cookies by scratching. Christopher: (laughing) From scratch. Gigi: From scratching. Christopher: Well, let's hope nobody asks.

Rory: So, April, how was your Christmas? April: Well, I'm 60% atheist and 40% agnostic, so Christmas isn't really a big deal for me. Rory: Oh, really? 60/40, huh? Lorelai: More of a winter solstice gal? April: Exactly.

Christopher: I'm in a forest of crazy!