Gilmore Girls Season 1 Episode 16

(Lorelai is brushing Rory's hair and tells her about her encounter with Rachel at Luke's)
Lorelai: "Oh, we got new coffee makers." Ugh! What was I thinking?
Rory: Well, you spent a lot of time picking out those coffee makers.
Lorelai: Oh yeah, I'm Mrs. Coffee.
Rory: Ow! Okay, I'm still attached to the head.
Lorelai: Okay, sorry. I'm a little worked up.
Rory: Mom, it just Luke's ex-girlfriend.
Lorelai: I know. I just hate that I made myself look so stupid in front of…
Rory: Luke?
Lorelai: No, Rachel. She was standing there, fresh off a plane, and she had no plane hair at all might I add.
Lorelai: And what exactly is plane hair?
Lorelai: You know, it's all big and all…bah.
Rory: Got it.
Lorelai: And he's staring at her like she's Miss September and she's looking at him like he's Johnny Depp, and I was just babbling like a moron, what is wrong with me?!
Rory: Ow! Ow! Okay, you are now officially off hair duty.
Lorelai: Aw, I'm sorry. I just…
Rory: No, it's okay. I just think it's a little early for Dean to see me completely bald.
Lorelai: Right, that's more a six-month thing.

(Rory asks Lorelai to call Emily and tell her that she can't make it for Friday night dinner. Lorelai teases Rory while dialing)
Rory: What?
Lorelai: Nothing. It's just, "Oh, hey Mom, uh, Rory and Dean are having their three month anniversary on Friday." (She imitates Emily's tone) "Really Lorelai? Why that's wonderful. I'm thrilled."
Rory: Stop.
Lorelai: "Three months. Well, woohoo. Hold on, I'm going to cartwheel."
Rory: Forget it.
Lorelai: Oh, no wait. She's telling my dad now. Why, I think they're cabbage patching.
Rory: That's it. Find your own pan.
Emily: Hello?
Lorelai: Mom?
Emily: Lorelai?
Lorelai: Uh, yes, hi.
Emily: Hello.
Lorelai: Hi. How are you doing?
Emily: I'm doing fine.
Lorelai: That's good.
Emily: I'm pleased.
Lorelai: How's Dad?
Emily: What do you want Lorelai?
Lorelai: Um, I was just calling to say hello.
Emily: And now you have.
Lorelai: Okay, good.
Emily: Was there anything else that you wanted to add to that hello?
Lorelai: Well, as a matter of fact, there is.
Emily: Ah ha.
Lorelai: Um, you know Rory.
Emily: Yes, I believe I do.
Lorelai: She wanted to say hello too.
Emily: Lorelai, I'm late for a meeting. I'd love to know why.
Lorelai: Mom, just hear me out, okay, and don't say anything. Um, see Friday night is Rory and Dean's three-month anniversary, and while that might not seem like a very big deal to you, it is to them. And I'm gonna ask you to do something you are so not gonna wanna do. But I am begging you to look at it from her point of view and maybe, just maybe let her, just this once, not come to dinner on Friday.
Emily: All right.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: Since this is a special occasion, I suppose it would be fine if Rory missed dinner on Friday.
Lorelai: It would?
Emily: Yes
Rory: Mom?
Lorelai: Are you sure?
Emily: I believe I am.
Lorelai: No arguments?
Emily: No.
Lorelai: Well, she wont be there.
Emily: I understand.
Lorelai: At all.
Emily: I heard.
Lorelai: All night long.
Emily: I assumed as much.
Lorelai: Okay.
Emily: Okay.
Lorelai: All right.
Emily: Anything else?
Lorelai: Uh, you know, she's gonna need some help getting ready for the big night Mom, so I should probably.…
Emily: We'll see you at seven.
Lorelai: Okay. Right. Bye.

Lorelai: I don't know what is wrong with me. This is a beautiful festival. People should be enjoying it.
Luke: It's a crazy festival based on a nutty myth about two lunatics who in all probability did not even exist and even if they did probably dropped dead of diphtheria before age 24. The town of Stars Hollow probably got its name from a local dance hall prostitute or two rich drunk guys who made up the story to make it look good on a poster.
Lorelai:: You are full of hate and loathing and I got tell you, I love it!
Luke: It's so good to have someone to share this hate with.
Lorelai: My pleasure.
Luke: More coffee?
Lorelai: Yeah, please. Hey, tomorrow, if you have time, I'm planning on despising everyone who says, "Hey, how's it going?"
Luke: You're on.
(A young woman walks in and greets Luke)
Woman: Hey, how's it going?
Lorelai: Oh, now, that's just too easy.
(Luke turns and sees that it's Rachel standing there)
Luke: Rachel?
Lorelai: (to Luke) Rachel? Your Rachel?
(Lorelai turns around to face her)
Lorelai: You're Rachel?
Rachel: Yep, I'm Rachel.

(About Dean's and Rory's three month anniversary)
Rory: Yes it is. But for me to actually partake of the foresaid fancy evening, I have to get out of Friday night dinner.
Lorelai: Ah.
Rory: Yeah.
Lorelai: Good luck with that.
Rory: Mom!
Lorelai: Do you know how much Emily Gilmore will not care about your three-month anniversary?
Rory: I was thinking you could talk to her.
Lorelai: If there was a runoff between what Emily Gilmore would care about less, a two-for-one toilet paper sale at Costco or your three month anniversary, your anniversary would win, hands down.

Rachel: So since we're both being blunt, what's the deal with Lorelai?
Luke: What are you talking about?
Rachel: I'm talking about Lorelai, the lady who runs the inn, the one you've told me absolutely nothing about, and been very careful to leave out of every story, anecdote, or gossip about the town.
Luke: There is no deal with Lorelai. We're friends.
Rachel: For now?
Luke: Yes.
Rachel: And in the future?
Luke: Well, Lorelai is, she's just uh…I don't know. I mean, at times it seems like, I don't know.

Lorelai: So, where's Rachel?
Luke: She's a founder's party punch junkie.
Lorelai: God, even the nice girls aren't safe.