Gilmore Girls

Boy: Here you go, congratulations. (hands her a stuffed bear) Rory: Thanks. Hello sad, pathetic bear. Jess: You know, I could've bought you that thing for a quarter. Rory: No, it's better that I won it. Maybe Clara would like it. Jess: Yes, shoved in her mouth. Rory: She's cute. Jess: Oh, just darling.

Clara: Do you wash your hair? Jess: Yes, I wash my hair. Clara: Then why does it stick up like that? Jess: Because. Clara: It looks crazy.

Clara: Yes. Will you go get me a snow cone? Jess: Absolutely. Go stand in the middle of the street and wait for me, I'll be right back.

Clara: Is Jess your real name? Jess: Yes. Clara: Do you like it? Jess: It's fine. Clara: Would you rather be named Bill? Jess: No. Clara: Frank? Jess: No. Clara: Mike? Jess: No. Clara: Bob? Jess: No. Clara: Ed? Jess: (to Dean) Does this belong to you?

Emily: Everything that's wrong in your life is my fault. Everything that's wrong in your father's life is my fault. Basically, everything's that wrong is my fault.

Emily: This couch cannot stay. Lorelai: Yes, it can. Emily: It's awful. Lorelai: It can hear you. Emily: Please. Lorelai: No.

Trix: Thank you, Richard. Emily, I expect to return in twenty minutes. That should give you enough time to pull my gifts out of storage and place them around the room as if they actually stand there all year.

Lorelai: It's just that tomorrow night we were planning to go to this winter carnival at the high school... Rory: But we can skip it. Trix: Absolutely not. Rory, you're a young person who works hard. It's equally important to have fun. You go to the carnival. Rory: Thank you. Trix: Lorelai, you've had enough fun in your life. Lorelai: And then some.

(After showing her some poorly chosen birthday gifts for Richard, Lorelai's father and Rory's grandfather) Lorelai: Ugh, my God, I love you. You are my angel. Rory: Hey, you had one more that you didn't show me. Lorelai: Oh, yeah – it lights up and sings. Rory: Enough said.

Jess: So, you want some help with your homework? Rory: You're going to help me? Jess: Yup. Rory: Don't take this the wrong way, but how? Jess: Come upstairs and I'll show you. Rory: Upstairs? Jess: Yeah. Rory: Well, you know how important my education is to me. Jess: Yes, I do.

Emily: Well, your father's sixtieth birthday dinner is back on. Lorelai: What sixtieth birthday dinner? Emily: The one that I had planned for Wednesday night. Lorelai: Oh, were we coming? Emily: Of course you were coming. You think you wouldn't be invited? Lorelai: Well, apparently, we weren't invited. Emily: I had just started planning the whole thing when he came home in a mood and declared that parties were for children and it was canceled. Lorelai: Were we disappointed?

Lorelai: You only had to say one word in Hungarian – welcome, that's it. How bad could it be? Michel: Very bad. Lorelai: Oh, Michel. Michel: Very, very bad.

Kirk: Today we have an almond tort, an apple pandowdy, and various marzipan fruits made by a sect of cloistered nuns in Toledo. Dean: I'll have a piece of pie. Kirk: Cherry, peach, chocolate, pumpkin, custard – Dean: Custard's fine. Kirk: There's more. Dean: I know, but custard's fine. Kirk: You don't want to hear the rest? Dean: I really am good with the custard. Kirk: But they made me memorize thirty different flavors. Dean: Kirk? Kirk: Yes? Dean: Custard is fine. Kirk: You want ice cream with that? Dean: Are there different flavors? Kirk: Thirty-two. Dean: Just the pie.

Lane: (about the school's band uniforms) The plumes are too big and it looks like big red fountains of blood spurting out of our heads.

Paris: Then his grandfather and I wound up in a theological discussion. "Jesus: Messiah, or nice Jewish kid with a hammer?" Got pretty heated.

Emily: (about Lorelai's house) Is it clean? Lorelai: Yeah, it's clean. Emily: If I came in there wearing white gloves, what would I find? Lorelai: That you could pull a rabbit out of your hat.

Rory: If she doesn't like the house what happens then? Lorelai: I think we have to move. Smile pretty. Hi Mom. Hi Dad. Hi Gran. Was your trip here good? Trix: The trip was fine. Hello Rory. Rory: Hi Gran. Hi Grandma. Hi Grandpa. Trix: Well now that we have exhausted the greetings, kindly move aside I'd like to see your house. Lorelai: Good come on in. Emily: (aside to Lorelai as Trix bustles on in) If I pass out... Lorelai: I'll yell "timber".

Lorelai: Mom, stop it. What is so horrible about this room? Emily: Well look at it. Lorelai: I am. I like it. Emily: Well you may like it but your grandmother will not. She's going to take one look at the junk store collection of hobo furniture and she's going to blame me. Lorelai: For what? Emily: For letting you live like this.

Trix: I think your birthday is a good enough reason to travel all the way from England. However, it also happens to coincide with some business I need to tend to. Rory: What kind of business? Trix: Well for the past year, I've been renting my home in Hartford to a group of musicians. They recently moved out. So I have to come check on the house and secure a new tenant. Lorelai: What kind of musicians? Trix: A rock and roll group of some sort. I believe they call themselves Korn. Lorelai: You rented your house to Korn? Rory: That's so cool.

Trix: Hello Lorelai. Lorelai: Hello Gran, good to see you. Trix: You're well? Lorelai: I'm well. Trix: You're working? Lorelai: I'm working. Trix: You're single? Lorelai: I'm single. Trix: By choice? Or do you scare the men with your independence? Lorelai: Actually, I scare them with my Minnie Pearl impression. Trix: The lady with the hat.

Lorelai: I totally suck at buying my father gifts. Especially for his birthday. Rory: He'll like whatever you get him. Lorelai: If I slip him a Quaalude, he'll like whatever I get him.

Lorelai: Could you get rid of it? Dean: Yeah, yeah. Lorelai: Don't let his family see you. Spiders are vindictive. And this was a really big spider. I think it had a gun.

(Lorelai screams when she see's a spider on the kitchen floor then puts an empty cup on it. There's a knock at the door) Lorelai: Come in , Dean... Hi. Dean: Hi uh, I hope I'm not disturbing anything. Lorelai: Oh no, absolutely not. Dean: Good, um I just wanted to... Lorelai: Ah Ah Ah. Dean: What? Lorelai: Don't kick the cup. Dean: Why? Lorelai: I have a spider whose previous credits include the bathtub scene from Annie Hall trapped under that cup. Dean: The size of a Buick. Lorelai: Yeah. Dean: I see. What are you planning to do now that you've got him trapped? Lorelai: I was thinking about giving him the kitchen cause we don't use it much anyway.

Paris: There was a ton of presents. I mean hundreds of presents. I'm looking at this mound of gifts and I'm thinking "8 days of Hanukkah", who was the skin flint that thought up that deal? Rory: Don't the 8 days symbolize something? Paris: Yes they symbolize 8 days of ripping off kids who can't have a Hanukkah bush.

Paris: I've decided to cancel the extra meeting and we can just gather at the regular meeting on Friday. Francie: Wow, this is quite a change in plans. Paris: You have a problem? Francie: No I'm just surprised. You seem so attached to those meetings. Paris: Well I finally got a blankie. It's much better. Francie: Ok, no extra meeting this week. What will I do with all that extra time? Well I guess I'll think of something. Paris: Take a picture of what outfit wins, will you.

Lane: I'm sorry but can we get back to the uniforms. Okay on a scale of 1 to 10 how much do I not want to let Dave see me like that? Lorelai and Rory: (At the same time) 10. Lane: Ok, thanks.

Lane: Are you serious. Lorelai: I am serious. Lane: We can really rehearse in your garage? Lorelai: In exchange for the promise that you never pose naked on the cover of Rolling Stone no matter how much trouble your career is in. Lane: I promise, I love you.

Rory: Paris, the bell rang. Paris: What? Rory: The bell, that loud metal musical contraption that when hit loudly by a vibrating mallet signals the end of this particular education experience. Paris: Class is over? Rory: Yes.

Michel: Your mother is on the phone. Lorelai: Oh, can you take a message? Michel: You mean, do I have the physical and mental capabilities to take a message? Why, yes, I do, however... Lorelai: I got it. (takes the phone) Hey Mom.

Lorelai: You need to develop a defense mechanism for dealing with Grandma. Emily: What are you talking about? Lorelai: You just need a system, a new mindset. Take me, for example. Emily: What about you? Lorelai: Well, I know there are many things in my life you don't approve of. Emily: Like what? Lorelai: Like this couch. Emily: Well, this couch is terrible. Lorelai: Okay, good – you think the couch is terrible. Now, at one point in my life, you saying a couch that I carefully picked out and had to pay off over eight months is terrible might've hurt my feelings, but not anymore. Emily: No? Lorelai: No. Emily: Why not? Lorelai: Because one day, I decided that instead of being hurt and upset by your disapproval, I'm gonna be amused. I'm gonna find it funny. I'm even going to take a little bit of pleasure in it. Emily: You take pleasure in my disapproval? Lorelai: I encourage it sometimes just for a laugh. Emily: I don't know what to think of that. Lorelai: Think, 'hey, that's brilliant,' because this idea could set you free.

Michel: (in Hungarian) A te országod tele van csúnya emberekkel. (Your country is full of ugly people.)