Gilmore Girls Season 2 Episode 8

(At the town's meeting concerning the "Jess situation")
Luke: I've never bothered anyone. I've kept to myself and I've done the best I could. I pay my taxes, and I help people when I can. I haven't pitched in on the decorative pageantry town stuff because it all seems insane to me, but I don't get in the way of that stuff either.
Taylor: What's your point, Luke?
Lorelai: His point is…(to Luke) Do you mind?
Luke: Be my guest.
Lorelai: His point is, that if there's a problem…
Luke: And I'm not saying there's a problem.
Lorelai: Right, he's not saying there is a problem, but if there it, give him time to deal with it before you storm his diner with torches and pitchforks.
Luke: Right. What I'm dealing with, being a problem, that I don't necessarily agree that I even have.
Lorelai: Right.
Taylor: I didn't get that last part.
Lorelai: Lay off him because what you're all doing stinks.

Mia: Nice to see you Lucas.
Luke: You're the only person in the world who can call me that, Mia.
Mia: I know this.
Luke: I'm saying it for others who plan to try it later.
Lorelai: Whatever Lucas.

Rory: Mom, you're not writing what you purchased on the back of any of the inn's credit cards receipts.
Lorelai: Oh well, just put cooking spray and sponges.
Rory: OK and when an auditor wants to know why you need such large amounts of cooking spray and sponges?
Lorelai: Then I drop my pencil and I put the scoop neck sweater that I'm now making a mental note to wear to good use.
Rory: Well at least you've got a solid well thought out plan.

Emily: Three painters started, and they all three quit.
Rory: Why did they quit?
Emily: She wouldn't stop scowling.
Lorelai: I was going for a Billy Idol thing.
Emily: The one from Italy had some sort of breakdown.
Rory: Oh my God.
Lorelai: Hey, it didn't hurt Van Gogh, the guy should thank me.
Emily: A year later, I swear I saw him rummaging through our recyclables.

Taylor: Another person witnessed Jess walking out of an arts-and-crafts store two days ago with what appeared to be chalk.
Luke: You appear to be bugging me, Taylor.
Taylor: So what are you going to do about it, Luke?
Luke: About what?
Taylor: About the results of my investigaion!
Luke: Absolutely nothing, but thanks for the info.
Taylor: You have to do something! People want action.
Luke: People? Meaning you.
Taylor: Not just me. I speak for the Stars Hollow Business Association, the Stars Hollow Tourist Board, the Stars Hollow Neighborhood Watch Organization, and the Stars Hollow Citizens for a Clean Stars Hollow Council.
Luke: All of which are you!
Taylor: So are you going to act?
Luke: Yes, I am. I'm going to act like you never came in here.
Taylor: Fine, have it your own way. But I warn you there's gonna be a lot of unhappy people at the S.H.B.A., the S.H.T.B., the S.H.N.W.O., and the S.H.C.C.S.H.C.!
Luke: F-I-N-E!

Mia: And there was that year you wore the same shirt everywhere you went.
Luke: I don't remember that.
Lorelai: Must have been something flannel.
Mia: No, it was from that TV show, that famous one.
Luke: It's not important.
Mia: Star Trek, that's it!

Luke: Jess, this is Mia. She owns the Independence Inn.
Jess: Oh.
Luke: That's "hello, nice to meet you" in slacker.

Mia: Michel, how nice to see you. Oh and look at that suit! You are quite the dandy, aren't you?
Michel: Well, I had a feeling that a lovely woman was going to be visiting today so I decided I must look my best for her.
Mia: I'm sorry, honey, I didn't catch a word of that.
Rory: He said he missed you.
Mia: You've been in the U.S. for quite some time Michel, your enunciation, should really be better by now.
Michel: The customers seem to understand me just fine.
Mia: I didn't get that either. Did you get the tapes I sent you?
Lorelai: (to Michel) Hey, maybe you should hit the desk. There are a couple of people looking for help.
Michel: Right away. Mia, I... (he salutes and walks off)
Mia: (to Lorelai and Rory) Are you too busy to sneak off with me for a walk?
Rory: Not if it's okay with the boss.
Mia: It's a demand at this point.
Lorelai: Let's go. Michel, hold down the fort.
Michel: Oh, it's a little slow now, so it's no problem.
Rory: (to Mia) Oh, he says that he's never liked and you and that you're a problem.
Michel: I said no such thing!
Mia: I don't know where this hostility comes from! Can we work this out?
Michel: There is nothing to work out.
Rory: He told you to get out!
Michel: I did not!
Mia: I don't know what I did to make him hate me.

Rory: You were a Trekkie?
Luke: I was not a Trekkie.
Lorelai: Oh. Oh, I do believe denying you were a Trekkie is a violation of the prime directive.
Rory: Indubitably, Captain.

Emily: Akron.
Rory: Ohio?
Lorelai: Get out of here!
Emily: I will not get out of here.
Lorelai: No Mom, I didn't mean really get out of here, I mean…
Rory: Why is Grandpa in Akron?
Emily: I don't know.
Lorelai: It was just a saying.
Emily: They sent him to deal with some problem with their local office down there.
Lorelai: A saying, you know, like 'save me' or 'get me out of here'. Things like that.
Emily: Lorelai, would you like me to put a mirror in front of you so you can look at yourself while you have this conversation?

Lorelai: Aha!
Luke: Geez! Don't sneak up on me like that.
Lorelai: Yeah, boy, I was lucky you had your phasers on stun, huh?
Rory: Well, at least we're not late. Luke's never late.
Luke: Actually, we're two minutes early.
Rory: Ha! We should get a prize for being on time.
Lorelai: Hey Luke, let's go back to the diner and get some pie as our reward for being on time.
Luke: Then you'd be late.
Lorelai: A funny conundrum, but I want pie.
Luke: You're harassing me now.
Lorelai: I'm not harassing you. We're your groupies. (in high-pitched voice) Oh Luke, you're so dreamy, be my guy!
Rory: (in high-pitched voice) No, be my guy!
Luke: I'm bringing up the need for more police protection at this thing.

Taylor: This goes well beyond a head of lettuce, young man. The charges against your nephew are numerous. He stole the 'save the bridge' money.
Luke: He gave that back.
Taylor: He stole a gnome from Babette's garden.
Luke: Pierpont was also returned.
Miss Patty: He hooted one of my dance classes.
Fran: He took a garden hose from my yard.
Man: My son said he set off the fire alarms at school last week.
Lorelai: I heard he controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to Glitter.