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Kirk Gleason (Episodes 44 - , recurring previously)
Sookie St. James
Luke's coffee table was very near to where Lorelai and Rory were dancing when Dean came in. Assuming that he was manning the coffee station, there's no way that he could have missed the big, loud fight that Dean had with Rory, and in that case, he would've known that they broke up.
While Kirk is running his victory lap, Lorelai is hugging Rory, comforting her because of her break up with Dean. The Gilmore girls are initially standing outside a circle drawn on the floor. The camera pans in on Kirk celebrating. When it moves out again, Lorelai and Rory are in the center of the circle.
Rory and Dean officially break up for the 2nd time.
In the opening scene Lorelai is sitting in Luke's diner pondering who she can ask to be her dance partner. When Taylor leaves the diner, she wonders aloud to Luke who Taylor is dancing with. However, it is later made clear that every year Taylor moderates the marathon, which means he never dances. Why then would Lorelai wonder who Taylor was dancing with when she knew he never participates as a dancer?
If Lorelai participates in the dance marathon every year, then what was the big deal with Dean going to see it with all the little traditions that accompany it? He and Rory were dating the year before so why didn't he go then?
When Luke is fixing Lorelai's shoe, they sat down on the bleachers. Dean was talking very loud when he broke up with Rory. Lorelai could have heard and seen what was going on, but she still freaked out when she came back and found that Rory was gone and that they had lost.
Before Lorelai's heel breaks, the shot of the clock reads 5:00. After this, Lorelai goes to Luke to fix her shoe, Lorelai and Sookie talk, Lane talks to Dave, Dean breaks up with Rory, Luke fixes the shoe after coming back from the diner, and Rory and Jess talk by the lake. All of this happens in less than 15 minutes because when they show the clock again right before Kirk wins, it is not even 5:15 yet.
There is a similar episode on Family Matters called "They Shoot Urkels, Don't They?" ('95). Where Steve (Urkel) and Carl face off in a dance marathon similar to the one on this episode.
Why would Dave come to see Lane at approximately 5 am? It doesn't make sense to "check it out" at that hour.
Rory says this is Dean's first time seeing the annual 24-hour Dance Marathon. This does not make sense because Dean has already been in Stars Hollow for two years. He must have heard about it and/or watched the past two marathons.
Rory says that Andrew gets into a fight with his dance partner within the first 15 minutes, but he doesn't get into a fight until 6 hours have passed.
During different points of the Dance Marathon, Rory's hair changes from being back in a '30s style ponytail to being up, and then back in the ponytail again.
Rory: What is that stuff?
Lane: Eggless egg salad. Though this year my mom added food coloring to make the egg-like product look more eggy.
Lane: And every sandwich comes with your own personal pamphlet "Dancing for the Devil", an illustrated look at the effect of dancing on your chances of spending all eternity in hell.
Rory: Boy, her flames are getting really good.
Lane: Well, she just bought a new color printer. You can do a ton of stuff with it.
Lorelai: Hi there. Um, this is Rory Gilmore and I'm Lorelai Gilmore.
Nurse: Lorelai Gilmore?
Lorelai: Yeah, L – o – r . ..
Nurse: You don't look like you've recently suffered a face-altering car crash.
Lorelai: Uh, excuse me?
Nurse: You're also supposed to have buck teeth, a club foot, and alopecia.
Lorelai: Oh. I'm sorry, who told you this?
Nurse: My husband.
Lorelai: Your husband? Well, who's... Stanley Appleman. Your husband is Stanley Appleman.
Lorelai: Okay, well, it's very nice to meet you. Stanley's said the nicest things about you. In the one tiny short conversation we had, you know, standing way far apart. You know, too far to touch, but close enough to hear all the wonderful things he said about his adorable, sweet-tempered, lovable. . . can we have someone else do our physical?
(Rory and Paris area coming out of Chilton and Paris stops.)
(Jaime is there)
Paris: What's he doing here?
Rory: I bet he is here to see you.
Paris: He hasn't called me once! I haven't seen or heard from him since we had our date in Washington three months ago.
Rory: Maybe he wants to explain why.
(Jaime stars walking towards them)
Paris: He was suppose to go away, never come back. I already wrote his name on my revenge notebook.
Rory: Paris, he knows you are standing here talking about him.
Paris: What does he want?
Rory: Go over there and find out!
(she goes to him)
Paris: What do you want?
Jaime: I'm on break from school, I thought I'd come down and see you.
Paris: But...you never called.
Jaime: I know.
Paris: You lost my number?
Jaime: Nope. I memorized your number.
Paris: You didn't want to use my number.
Jaime: I was starting classes...
Paris: In phone dialing? How's it going?
Jaime: Look Paris, this year is very important for me, I thought the last thing I needed was a distraction.
Paris: Well I totally understand! This year is very important for me too! I am focusing on getting into Harvard and the last thing that I need is a distraction. Good move! You saved us both a lot of distractions!(she shakes his hand) Thank you and good luck!
( He doesn't let go...)
Paris: I need my hand.
Jaime: If I let go, how fast will you run away?
Paris: 3.2 seconds.
Jaime: I thought so. Hey Rory!
Rory: Hey Jaime! How's Princeton?
Jaime: It's good! Crazy but..
Paris: Let go!!
Paris: Look you don't have to be nice, you don't have to tie up lose ends, I get it! I'm a distraction! Now, either pull a Boxing Helena or give me back my hand.
Jaime: Yes, talking to you would have been distraction.
Paris: I know! I heard you already! My God find a pirate to sit on, OK?
Jaime: However not talking to you has turned out to be impossible
Jaime: I flunked a pop quiz in Poli-Sci because I couldn't stop thinking about you. Still want your hand back?
Paris: I've got another.
Jaime: I thought a lot about this and apparently you are a distraction that I'm suppose to have.
Paris: You didn't have a bad time on our date?
Jaime: Are you busy right now?
Rory: No, we are done. She is free!
Jaime: Good! Lets go get some coffee. (He grabs her books and walks away)
Jaime: Bye Rory!
Rory: Bye Jaime!
Paris: He took my books.
Rory: Well go get them back!
Lorelai: Four years in a row. I've come this close to winning last year. I swear to God I had it!!
Luke: I know the story.
Lorelai: It's hour 23..
Luke: I know the story!
Lorelai: I'm dancing with Henry "Ho-Ho" McAfie III...
(talking to the diner)
Luke: How many people heard me say I heard the story?
(a lot of people put their arms up and she continues)
Lorelai: And Ho-Ho is fading so I'm trying to buck him up. Saying: "Come on Ho-Ho! Stay with me Ho-Ho! And all the sudden he stars yelling: Stop calling me Ho-Ho, It's making me hungry!
Luke: Hey look, there goes Tommy Tune!
Lorelai: And out of nowhere, Kirk comes dancing by weaving a McDonald's apple pie in the air and of course Ho-Ho lunges for the pie, drops my hand and that was it. Kirk wins, I'm out. I'm gonna get that Ho-Ho someday!!
Lorelai: I need a great dance partner this year, someone strong, none clotsy with lots of stamina. Oh how tall is that guy??
Luke: Mrs. Coutler is about 6'2.
(picking dance partners for Lorelai)
Luke: What about that one?
Lorelai: Hum not!
Luke: Why not?
Lorelai: Too pale
Luke: So what?
Lorelai: Pale means sickly.
Luke: Or sunscreen.
Lorelai: Or mad cows disease!
Luke: Pale does not mean mad cows disease!
Lorelai: Have you ever had mad cows disease?
Luke: Just twice last week and and my color was wonderful.
Luke: Uh, listen, uh, I didn't really mean all that stuff I said earlier.
Lorelai: What stuff?
Luke: Uh, the kid stuff, you know.
Lorelai: Oh, it's no big deal.
Luke: Yeah, I know, I just. . .I'm not really as anti-kid as I might have come off.
Lorelai: Drop another sucker in...
Luke: Okay, yes. I don't always have the patience for 'em. They tend to be a little squishy, and that freaks me out a little.
Lorelai: You don't have to want kids, Luke. Or like kids. It's not for everybody.
Luke: I know, but...although I'm quite happy going an entire day without having to deal with somebody else's bodily functions, if I ever happen to meet the right person...well, it would be a discussion.
Lorelai: A discussion.
Luke: Yes. Probably a short discussion, but still. Here, hold this. So what about you? You ever think about having another kid?
Lorelai: Oh, I don't know how much fun it would be without biology finals and headgear...but sure, if I ever happen to meet the right person, another kid might be nice.
(They stare at each other for a moment)
Paris: But I already put him in my revenge notebook.
Lorelai: Have you seen Sookie or Jackson?
Luke: No, but have you tried the insane asylum, where everyone in this room is supposed to be.
(Jackson and Sookie come up behind Lorelai)
Jackson: There you are. I want a word with you.
Lorelai: Jackson, I've been looking everywhere for you.
Jackson: I want to tell you that you have no right to tell Sookie four in four is crazy.
Sookie: Yes, it did come out sorta like that.
Luke: What's four in four?
Lorelai: Four kids in four years.
Luke: That is crazy.
Jackson: Oh, great! Let's open this up to even more discussion!
Luke: One kid in four years is crazy.
Lorelai: Okay, raise your hand if you're not helping!
Jackson: The rate at which I have children is between me and Sookie.
Luke: And the Lord. (Lorelai glares at him) Still not helping?
Sookie: Jackson, the contest-
Jackson: To hell with the contest! I'm quitting the contest! That is, if it's okay with Lorelai, or Luke, or that strange man in the corner whom I've never met. Excuse me, strange man in the corner, is it okay if I quit this contest?! (storms off)
Lorelai: My shoe broke! I need you to fix it!
Luke: Do I look like a cobbler to you?
Lorelai: If I say yes, will you fix my shoe?
Lorelai: (trying to show she's not intimidated by Kirk's dancing) Flip all you want, pal. This ain't the Olympics; It's who's left standing at the end that matters, not how fancy you are getting there.
Lorelai: (trying to convince a very reluctant Rory to dance with her at the dance-a-thon) First of all, you love me.
Rory: Not at this very moment, I don't!
Rory: I would like to interject for just one moment and tell you that I hate you.
Lorelai: Thanks, honey!
Dave: Thank you. You know, my parents would love these sandwiches. I wish I could bring 'em by but unfortunately they're in private bible study right now.
Jess: I'm gonna sit here as long as I like, and I'm gonna do whatever I like, and if you don't like it, then just ignore me and pay attention to your boyfriend.
Dean: Sorry, she can't. I'm not her boyfriend anymore.
Dean: You know, I tried to ignore this. I really did, but I don't know what the hell I was thinking.
Rory: What are you talking about?
Dean: You don't wanna be with me, Rory.
Rory: Yes, I do.
Dean: Oh, please! You've been into him since he got to town, and I have spent weeks – months, actually – trying to convince myself that it wasn't true, that everything was fine between us. But now I know that I was an idiot. You're into him and he's into you, and Shane, who by the way, should be listening to this 'cause it's so damn obvious.
Rory: What's obvious? What did I do?
Dean: Everyone can see, Rory! Everyone. And I'm tired, but I'm over it, so go ahead, go. Be together. There's nothing standing in your way now, 'cause I'm out.
(At Luke's, Lorelai is looking out the window for a dance partner)
Luke: How about that one?
Lorelai: Too pale.
Lorelai: Pale means sickly.
Luke: Or sunscreen.
Lorelai: Or mad cow disease.
Luke: Pale does not mean mad cow disease.
Lorelai: How do you know? Have you ever had mad cow disease?
Luke: Twice last week and my coloring was great.
Luke: Get out, Taylor.
Luke: Just a code I live by.
Paris: I heard you already. Find a pirate to sit on, okay?
Rory: Dean, please. This is a girl thing.
Dean: Okay. Tell me when I'm supposed to pay attention again.
Rory: There's this big event happening in my town.
Paris: Pig race?
Rory: Dance marathon.
Paris: I was close.
Rory: I can't even open my eyes.
Lorelai: That okay, there's nothing to see. Kirk's in a Speedo, Taylor's in a skirt, Al's in assless chaps.
Rory: Oh my God, stop! I'm never gonna be able to close my eyes again.
Lorelai: Oh. Four years in a row, I have come this close to winning. Last year, I swear to God, I had it!
Luke: I know the story.
Lorelai: It was hour twenty-three.
Luke: I know the story.
Lorelai: I'm dancing with Henry Ho-Ho McAphie the third.
Luke: How many people heard me say I know the story?
(several customers raise their hands)
Lorelai: And Ho-Ho's fading, so I'm trying to buck him up, saying "Come on, Ho-Ho. Stay with me Ho-Ho," and then all of a sudden he starts yelling, "Stop calling me Ho-Ho, it's making me hungry!
Luke: Oh, hey, look, there goes Tommy Tune.
Lorelai: And out of nowhere, Kirk comes dancing by, waving a McDonald's hot apple pie in the air and of course Ho-Ho lunges for the pie and drops my hand and that was it. Kirk wins, I'm out. I'm gonna get that Ho-Ho someday.
Lorelai: Hey, Kirk, relax. Dancing is supposed to be fun.
Kirk: You know what will be fun Lorelai? Jogging around your prostrate body with the shinny temple of silver importance hoisted in the air for all to see. That will be fun.
Lorelai: Is the serious Kirk more disturbing than the non-serious Kirk?
Rory: Actually, I think they're both the same.
Luke: Taylor, you are asking me to donate free coffee to hundreds of people so you can raise money to buy a tarp?
Taylor: How about $0.50 a cup.
Luke: How about I charge for the cream?
Taylor: You would kick Tiny Tim's crutch out from under him wouldn't you?
Luke: If he asked for a free cup of coffee, gimpy's going down.
Sookie: But I thought maybe one. Two if the first one is really quiet.
Lorelai: Well, honey, you have to tell Jackson that.
Sookie: I can't.
Lorelai: Sookie, this is not like the fruit bowl his mother gave you. You can't stick four kids in the attic and just pull them out at Christmas.
Luke: I think I have some glue back at the diner.
Lorelai: Glue, yes – we love glue!
Luke: I wouldn't say that too loudly if I were you.
Paris: He hasn't called me once. I haven't seen or heard from him since we had our date in Washington three months ago. He was supposed to go away and never come back. I already wrote his name in my revenge notebook.
Taylor: Have you ever tried to levitate a Rottweiler before?
Miss Patty: No.
Taylor: Not easy
Jess: Dean's a jerk. Yelling at you like that, breaking up in front of everybody. The guy's a total jerk.
Rory: No, he's not. He's right. Everything he said. All those things about you and me, all those things about me lying to him, and messing with his head. He was right. Well, wasn't he? Fine, he was right about me, then. Now go away.
Jess: He was right...about all of it.
Dave: Great. So if for some reason I'm not back here in twenty minutes, that means that I'm gonna be over there, on the church steps, waiting for my parents to get out so that I can tell them about the great sandwiches that they missed. Okay? Okay, great. Thanks a lot and I hope to see you soon.
Lorelai: I need you Dean, the team needs you!
Dean: What team?
Lorelai: Pick a team, it needs you.
Lorelai: Tell me a joke.
Rory: (sleepily) Knock knock.
Lorelai: (giggles, half out of it) That was a good one.
Rory: Kirk has very little in his life. He has no career, no girlfriend, no pet, no car. He lives with his mother, she won't even let him have his own key. The only thing he does have in his whole lonely pathetic existence is this marathon. If we win, if we take him down, if we take away that last little piece of dignity, then we leave him with nothing.
Lorelai: I wonder if he'll cry.
Rory: My mother, the Howard Roark of Stars Hollow.
Sookie: But, you're my best friend.
Lorelai: Yes, I am, and I can only remain your best friend as long as Jackson doesn't kill me.
Lorelai: Sookie, he's a produce man. They'll never find the body, but the squash'll be especially chatty that year.
German episode title: "Tanzmarathon", meaning "Dance Marathon".
Teal Readman (Louise) and Adam Brody (Dave) previously worked togethor on the MTV series Undressed in a four episode arc. Actress Jessica Kiper (Shane) who appears in this episode was also a star on that series.
"In The Mood" by Glenn Miller
"Sing Sing Sing (With a Swing)" by Louis Prima
"Walkin' My Baby Back Home" by the Swingin Deacons-Band
"I Can't Give You Anything But Love" by the Swingin Deacons-Band
"By the Beautiful Sea" by the Swingin Deacons-Band
"String of Pearls" by Glenn Miller
"These foolish things" by the Swingin Deacons-Band
"Gonna Fly Now" (Theme from Rocky)
Edward Herrmann (Richard), and Yanic Truesdale (Michel) do not appear in this episode.
Emily: You'll find another partner, Elizabeth Taylor always did.
Alluding to the fact that Elizabeth Taylor married 9 times. Twice to Richard Burton
Jackson: Does anyone here understand that a man has a right not to have his personal life debated in a public forum? I'm not Winona Ryder.
Winona Ryder is an American actres who, at the time, was facing charges of shop lifting and using drugs without a valid prescription. This incident was well documented by the media, and every aspect of her life was being scrutinized.
Luke: Oh, hey, look. There goes Tommy Tune.
Tommy Tune is a Tony-winning actor/singer/dancer/choreographer who danced in many Broadway musicals.
Lorelai: With a little encouragement, I could've been the Señor Wences of the vegetable set.
Señor Wences was a ventriloquist who frequently appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show in the 1950's and '60's. His primary schtick was to make a face on the crotch of the fist (between the thumb and forefinger) using lipstick and a grease pencil and, by moving his thumb, make the "face" thus made "talk". In its time, it was cute. The modern response would probably be, "Huh?"
Lorelai: Miss Patty showed his wife a picture of me and she thinks I look like Elizabeth Taylor, which makes her Debbie Reynolds and him Eddie Fisher.
Eddie Fisher left his then-wife, actress Debbie Reynolds, to marry Elizabeth Taylor in 1959.
Paris: Madeline, or may I call you Spicoli?
Jeff Spicoli was a character played by Sean Penn in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. The character was a surf dude who was constantly high and, either as a consequence or otherwise, not particularly bright.
Paris: Now, either pull a Boxing Helena or give me back my hand.
The 1993 film Boxing Helena involved the title character having her limbs amputated by her boyfriend.
Rory: Jamie must be special.
Paris: Or Ted Bundy.
Ted Bundy was a serial killer whose public persona was that of an educated, handsome and charming young man.
Lane: Go away, Jess. No one asked for a Tony Manero wannabe to drop by.
Tony Manero was John Travolta's character in Saturday Night Fever. He had a not dissimilar look to the overall one Jess has.
Shane: Who are you, Bobby Brady? Get a life.
Bobby was one of the kids of The Brady Bunch.
Lane: What are you doing here?
Dave: Well, you mentioned this thing last time we talked and it sounded very Blue Velvet, so I figured I would come by and check it out.
Blue Velvet is a film by David Lynch.
Lorelai: Well, look who's suddenly interested in dance.
Rory: Yeah, he's a regular Martha Graham.
Martha Graham, (1884-1991) was a famous dancer and choreographer who was considered one of the most influential innovators in Modern Dance.
Rory: My mother, the Howard Roark of Stars Hollow. Howard Roark is the forceful, demanding, self-assured protagonist of the novel The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.
Title: They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They?
The title, story and costumes of this episode all reference They Shoot Horses, Don't They?, the 1969 movie about a dance marathon during the Depression.
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