Gilmore Girls

Richard: Did you hear, Rory joined the D.A.R.? Lorelai: Yeah, I saw the picture in the paper. Richard: She's running around planning tea parties like the Mad Hatter! All she talks about are seating charts and canopies and fundraisers.

Emily: Was the Mortigans' Dalmatian trying to mate with our lion statues again? Richard: No, it was not the Mortigans' Dalmatian. It was Rory and Logan. Emily: How natural selection hasn't wiped out dogs like that, I'll never know.

Luke: Okay. Uh, just a couple of questions here. Uh, once you've electrocuted me and I'm dead, uh, how exactly do I get to the operating table? Lorelai: Huh. Good question. Maybe I can position the operating table, like, right near the electric chair so I can just flop you over onto it after you die. Luke: Okay. Let's say we work that out. Now I'm on the table, uh, you're going to cut me open with what? Lorelai: A big rusty saw. Luke: And then you're going to pull linked sausages out of me? Lorelai: Real slow and creepy like. Luke: Okay, great. Last question. Uh, what are the odds of you getting me to do a skit where you electrocute me, cut me open and pull linked sausages out of me? 'Cause I'm thinking they're right up there with Pia Zadora making a comeback.

Emily: Lorelai! You came! You're here! There's a chocolate box for you in the hallway. Lorelai: Thank you, Mom. Emily: Hello, Luke. I didn't know you were coming. I don't have a chocolate box for you. You'll have to share with Lorelai. Lorelai: Fat chance. Mom has really good chocolate.

Rory: My mom and I have been planning my 21st birthday since...well, my first memory was kindergarten, but I'm sure she was talking about it way before that. We had this whole big thing planned, and now we're not talking.

Lorelai: (to Luke) We were going to go to Atlantic City. We were going to sit at a blackjack table at eleven fifty-nine. We were going to order martinis and we were going to be playing twenty-one when she turned twenty-one. And then hopefully we'd win and we take our winnings and we'd buy twenty-one things. And then there was a thing about twenty-one guys that wouldn't really be appropriate anymore since the engagement, but - it was a good plan. She probably doesn't even remember the plan. Rory: (much later on to Logan) We were going to go to Atlantic City and sit at a blackjack table at eleven fifty-nine, and we'd be playing twenty-one when I turned twenty-one. We were going to drink martinis, and win money, and go buy twenty-one things, and there was this thing including twenty-one guys that would be totally inappropriate now that I'm with you, but - it was a pretty big thing, and now we're not talking so it's not going to happen. I'm just a little bummed, that's all.

Richard: I'm getting a little tired of - Lorelai: No, I'm getting a little tired of this conversation! I'm not interested in your plan! I'm not going to bribe my daughter with cars and money. Mainly because it wouldn't work, and if you'd ever met Rory you would know it wouldn't work. Rory can't be bought! And I'm not going to try and buy her! I want Rory to want to go back to school! She used to love to learn and read and study! And that was freakish, but it was her! And she's got to get herself back there. Richard: But - Lorelai: No, when Rory wants help she will ask for it. And the minute she does I will fly in faster than the Gulfstream I'm sure you're going to offer to buy her next, but until then, I'm sorry, you're on your own!

Lorelai: What about Rory? Richard: I don't like what I see in that girl. Lorelai: My eyes?

Rory: Construction? Lorelai: Yeah, we're making the bedroom bigger. Rory: You and Luke? Lorelai: No, me and John O'Hurley. Luke doesn't know yet. I hope he takes it okay.

Emily: Where's Luke? I hope he didn't get lost somewhere. Lorelai: Oh, no. I'm sure he's just sizing up how much silver he can stuff into his pockets without it making to much of a bulge.

Luke: (about the drink) It tasted pink. Like really tasted really pink. Like pink pink. Lorelai: Let's get something to eat. Luke: God that's terrible. It's like drinking a My Little Pony.

Logan: And all this without a drink in my hand! Dealing with this family is stressful. Rory: Tell me about it. And once you've had that drink I can tell you how I've been moved out of the pool house into a room right next to my grandparents. So from now on, we'll have to have sex in our invisible suits. (to the bartender) Two Rorys, please. Logan: Does your grandfather know also? Rory: Oh yeah! Logan: Make it four.

Emily: (very distantly) Hello Logan. (to Rory) I have to check on your cake. Logan: Is it me or could the penguins march through here? Rory: She's probably mad because she found out we're having sex.

Logan: Do you really think you can keep talking long enough that I forget I can't come in? Rory: Well, I've seen my mom do it before. I thought it was a family trick. (they start kissing again) Rory: Just for an hour. Logan: No! Rory: Half an hour? Logan: No! Rory: Fifteen minutes? Logan: No! Rory: Okay, an hour. Logan: You're getting better at this.

Emily: Her boyfriend, how wonderful! Rory's asian friend... Rory: Lane! Emily:...has a boyfriend.

Logan: I know you miss your mom. The concept's a little hard for me to grasp, but I know you do.

Emily: (to Logan and Rory) Alright you two, back to what you were doing. Rory: Hey, Grandma says.

Babette: So what about you, honey, what are you going to do ? Lorelai: Oh you know, the same thing I always do. Babette: Oh, you're gonna hang caramel apples from the tree again? Lorelai: Kids love them. Babette: They're not that scary. Lorelai: Well, to a diabetic, they're downright terrifying.

Lorelai: (to Luke who's desperately trying to lift up the doll house) I'm hungry, I'm ordering pizza. The top comes off.

Lorelai: This is just like my parents, you know. They double cross me and then they get mad when I won't help them undo the double cross.

Lorelai: (imitating Richard) "She's turning twenty-one Lorelai, did you know that?" Of course I know that, I was there when she was turning nothing.

Richard: I don't believe this. Aren't you listening to me? Lorelai: Huh..no!

Emily: What's wrong with working for the D.A.R.? We both agreed Rory needed a job. Richard: Fundraisers and tea parties? It's frivolous! And meaningless! She has more to do, more to be! I don't want that kind of life for her! Emily: You mean my life. You don't want her to be me.

Paris: Last year I was sleeping with the editor. Doyle: And now I am!

Lorelai: I got a dog. Rory: (Shocked) What? Lorelai: Stop! He's fine. Rory: He's alive? Lorelai: Yes, he's alive and I'm not discussing that hamster again.

Emily: What about Rory? Richard: What do you mean, what about Rory? We've LOST her!

Richard: She's having sex, Lorelai. She's having sex under my roof. I paid $40,000 to redecorate her sex house. I bought her a sex mattress. Her sex box springs. I provided everything she needs to waste her life. Lorelai: Dad, Rory having sex is not your fault. Really, she was having sex long before the big renovation. Richard: Oh, I feel so much better now.

Richard: Rory's not going back to Yale. And it's my fault. Lorelai: Rory made a choice, Dad. Richard: I could have stopped her, and I didn't. I cleared the path for her to walk away from her goals, her life.

Lorelai: You look good. Rory: You look skinny. Lorelai: Yeah, well, it's the construction diet.

Rory: A lot's changed. Lorelai: A lot...and then not so much.

Richard: We have failed, Emily! Emily: No! We haven't failed until she comes home pregnant! Lorelai: And on that note... (gets up and leaves the study)

Luke: (about Rory's phone call) She was mad and she yelled and she said hell. I didn't even know she knew how to say hell.

(the Reverend talking about Rory's virtue) Reverend: If you give it away too soon, to the wrong man, when the right man comes along there will be no gift to give. You'll have to buy him a sweater. Do you understand what I'm saying? Rory: No? Reverend: Think long and hard about to whom you want to give the ultimate gift you have to give away. Rory: Oh. Reverend: Yes.

Sookie: Okay, what kind of limpy sausage would you like to pull out of Luke? Lorelai: I'm not sure. Not too limpy 'cause Luke is a big guy and he needs a big guy sausage. Sookie: Don't we all? Lorelai: Don't make my man's sausage dirty!

Lorelai: Rory will figure it out. Richard: Oh please she's twenty-one, I couldn't even tie my shoe at twenty-one. Lorelai: Well Rory is advanced. She had the shoe thing down at three.

Richard: We need a plan! Lorelai: But we... I had a plan! You changed the plan. Plan's gone baby! Richard: I don't appreciate your tone Lorelai: Apparently the proper tone went out with the plan.

Lorelai: I didn't know I was invited! Rory: I sent her an invitation! Where the hell did she think it came from? The invitation fairy?

(Luke and Lorelai are on their way to Emily and Richard's house) Luke: This might be my least-favorite door in the world to knock on. Lorelai: What about death's door? Luke: The reception on the other side might be warmer.

Richard: (to Lorelai) Impossible girl! Lorelai: My Native American name, I believe!

After the Reverend has warned her not to give her ultimate gift to just anyone Rory: That ultimate-gift ship has sailed a long time ago. Reverend: Oh. Rory: It's probably in Fiji by now. (pause) So, have you seen The Forty-Year-Old Virgin? I think you'd like it.

Luke: (talking about pancakes) You're going to be sick. Lorelai: No. Luke: It's already loaded with chocolate chips...That's candy and you're adding whip cream, that's more candy. Lorelai: Got any jelly beans? Luke: Now I'm going to be sick. Lorelai: Oh, and a cherry.

Lorelai: What smells so good? Luke: Fried chicken. Lorelai: Luke, will you marry me?