A Very Glee Suckfest...
4.5
"Poor"
==SPOILERS BELOW==
Well, this was just painful. A blatant infomercial for the GLEE Christmas album with only the barest thread of a plot to tie it all in together. Dumbest moment? Where to even start?
* Sue acting the Secret Santa Grinch. Obvious to the point of absurdity. Oh, and how about Will's defiant *taking the phone off the wall* as he stormed out of her office? Wow, big man. Take THAT, Sue!
* Will's godawful sweater vest, and apparent homelessness this holiday season. (What, did his parents die since we met them in Season 1? But his Dad is also Sidney Bristow's dad from ALIAS! Nothing short of a bomb could take out that guy.)
* Rachel's winsome attempts at reconciliation with Finn, leading to several unbelievable production-numbery ballads.
* The uncontested singing of Christmas songs in a public school (especially after the recent "Grilled Cheesus" incident) and -- in related idiocy -- the matching holiday sweaters the Glee kids wore for the in-class caroling that also saw a *teacher* throwing a shoe at the club. (Not sure which is more ridiculous, but probably the shoe thing.)
* Finn's general tiresomeness, especially in his speech to the assembled teachers.
* Sue *dressed as the Grinch*, with Becky as the reindog. Just... ick.
* The whole "Gift of the Magi" thing. Since they apparently hadn't studied this tale in school, the kids' knowing references to it are a BIG stretch. (Plus, I *have* read it, Mr. Shue, and I don't think it means what you think it means. You know O. Henry's a satirist, right?)
* Brittany and her mindless belief in Santa's magical powers -- not to mention her nonsensical appearance as Cindy Lou Who. Brittany is being made to seem more and more developmentally delayed each week, which makes her celebrated sexual exploits way more like *exploitation* of the mentally challenged; so wrong in so many ways.
* Rachel and Puck's aggressive participation in a Christian ritual despite their avowed devotion to their Judaism. Hannukah schmannukah, it seems.
* Artie's Christmas miracle, which NO ONE on a teacher's salary could afford, even if it was commercially available at present, which it is NOT: those Rewalk things will cost upwards of $100K when they get out of the testing phase *in a year or two*. (Although... SO COOL that this technology exists. Logan Cale had something similar on DARK ANGEL.)
* The "God bless us, everyone!" ending. So sickly sweet as to bring on Type II diabetes. And are we seriously to believe that all those kids' parents are cool with them hanging out at a teacher's house on Christmas Eve? And if that's the case, why no Kurt? Don't he and Finn live together now, since their parents got married?
As to the songs... I guess they mostly weren't bad, just badly chosen. Of the ones that WERE bad, the garishly overproduced and bizarrely executed "Island of Misfit Toys", with which the episode kicked off, takes the prize. Also, 2009's GLEE iTunes Christmas release, "Last Christmas", was shoe-horned into the pseudo-plot shamelessly (really, show? A tree lot?), and what was up with k. d. lang singing "You're a Mean One, [Sue the] Grinch", exactly? Random.
To the good: well, Kurt and Blaine's duet, "Baby, it's Cold Outside", was definitely the musical highlight, and Jayma Mays was looking especially fetching in holiday colors during Emma's brief screen time, but otherwise, I can't think of a single other thing to recommend this piece of utter pablum.
There *were* a couple of funny quotes though -- from Artie and Mike Chang, respectively. First, Artie says he asked his parents for just one thing this year: "Stop friend requesting me on Facebook." Don't we all know that pain? And then Mike, when sitting on Santa's knee, makes this Christmas wish: "I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff." This last is funny anyway, but when one considers that Tatum was the star of the first STEP UP movie and that Harry Shum Jr. appeared as a supporting player in its two sequels, I call that GOLD.
Too bad the rest of the episode was nothing more than mp4 download-selling dross. Bah humbug, GLEE. As some McKinley kid "subjected" to your melodious caroling cried out in anguish, but in his case for no apparent good reason: "You're making me hate Christmas!"