Glee

Quinn: Ms. Sylvester, I wanna thank you. Sue: For what? Quinn: For teaching me a valuable life lesson. When you really believe in yourself, you don't have to bring other people down.

Sue: (to Quinn and Santana) Let met get this straight. The Glee Club got rid of Dakota Stanley. Mr. Schuester is back. And they're busy on a new number, more confident than ever. That is what we call a total disaster, ladies. I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. (they do as they are requested to) That's the smell of failure. And it's sticking up my office.

Will: I hope it's cool me unloading on you like this. I don't want there to be any awkwardness. Emma: Oh, no. No, none at all. I mean, you know, especially since we're, um, we're both in relationships now. It's both of us. Will: Right. Emma: I'm in a relationship. You're in a relationship. Will: Exactly, yeah.

(Will is showing a new choreography) Rachel: Can we stop, please? Will: You don't have to ask me every time for permission to go to the bathroom., Rachel. You can just go. Rachel: It's not my bladder. It's the choreography.

Rachel: We need to have a gayvention. That's gay intervention. Tina: It's K-K-Kurt. He's lady fabulous. Mercedes: Look, just because he wears nice clothes doesn't mean he's on the down low. Rachel: He wore a corset to second period today.

Dakota: You're not trying hard enough. Artie: At what? Dakota: At walking.

Emma: I love a car wash too though, you know, when I was little if I got all A's my dad would let me wash his car, so I'd get my little toothbrush out and I'd clean it all weekend long. (Emma clears her throat) Sue: You know the way you use your mental illness to help these kids is really inspiring. And I'm shocked you're not married.

Sandy: He's here! He's here! Josh Groban is here. Front row, big brown eyes, cute as a buttermilk biscuit. I barfed.

Puck: Dude, my bowels have better moves than you.

Vocal Adrenaline Dancer: You can't leave rehearsals for any reason, that includes heat exhaustion... or Crohn's disease.

Principal Figgins: I need those parents happy! They found out we've been serving the children prison food.

Will's Father: We just sold all 17 copies of your CD! Will's Mother: I didn't even have to show any of them my bosoms!

Will: I can't remember the last time we just hung out with the guys, really talked about our feelings. Ken: Wanna know what I'm feeling? I went over to the YMCA. I only have one pair of long pants, and... Sandy: Oh, please! My life is a disaster, with no creative outlet, other than writing my Desperate Housewives fan fiction. Howard: I'm afraid of my vacuum. Will: I know how you guys feel. I, apparently, don't know how to dance. Henri: I don't have thumbs.

Will's Mother: Wow, when did you learn to cook, Terri? Terri: It's just hamburger casserole. Watch out for bones.

Josh Groban: Now you might be thinking why would a pop star like me come over here and talk to you? Well, let me tell you something, throngs of screaming teenagers don't do it for Josh Groban. No. Josh Groban loves a blousy alcoholic. Will's Mother: (belches) You have to forgive me, man, I'm a little bit drunk and I'm afraid I'm not making good choices right now.

Will: Sandy, we voted. When you're in the group it's creepy.

Will: Sandy, I thought you weren't allowed on campus. Sandy: No William, I'm not allowed within fifty feet of children. Besides Henri and I go way back - I got him a job before we even had a shop class. I told Figgins that 'you are going to have a school full of nancies unless you get some hot wood in those teenagers hands'.