Those rumors that Glee will be moving to the Big Apple full-time for its final season are starting to seem more and more like the gospel truth, with McKinley's latest batch of seniors gearing up for graduation and the apparent mass-exodus from Lima already in the works. Blaine and Sam are joining Kurt, Rachel, and Santana in New York (oh God no), and Becky is apparently all cured of her legitimately worrisome mental health issues thanks to the magic of Artie's meddling, ready to resign her post as Sue's "Beckretary" to go to college in Cincy where she shall eat all the Skyline chili ever and I will be so jealous OMG.
The aptly titled "Movin' Out" was Glee's tribute to Billy Joel, and even though I'm pretty sure that if I were to call up the two real-life high-schoolers I actually know, at least one of them would probs have no idea who Billy Joel is, Glee addressed that concern with a group bout of verbal exposition-vomit. THE MORE U KNO, UNIQUE. Or something.
Why Billy Joel? Because Sue held a job fair at McKinley and deliberately excluded jobs in the arts because, she claimed, there are none. Schue threw a hissy fit—as Schue so often does—and decided that Billy Joel would be the inspirational homework for the week, the better to remind his minions that that it's important to pursue what you love. Which is true, but being able to pay your rent is nice too. Just sayin'. Sometimes I sincerely worry that Glee is going to leave us with an entire generation full of angry almost-famous Rachel Berrys.
Glee's had a good run lately, and "Movin' Out" was definitely watchable by Glee standards (or any standards, really) but I'm beginning to fear that we've started a backslide into Glee's usual modus operandi of not giving a shit. The show's weird obsession with virginity and just a hint of slut-shaming reared its head this week with Marley's mom giving her the old "Your first time is special," speech. Yeah, well, no it's not. I'm not saying Marley should bang Puck Jr., because at the end of the day, Puck Jr. is still a raging dickbag, but let's stop glorifying female virginity. There are lots of valid reasons to keep your legs closed—Jake being an ass is totally one of them. "It should be special" is not.
So now Marley's kinda-sorta with Ryder, who I guess has totally forgiven Marley and everyone else for defending Unique's catfishing trip. Rachel is inexplicably still working at the Wannabe Eatery because her director thinks manual labor will keep her Fanny Brice authentic. Now, I had assumed that playing the lead in a highly anticipated Broadway revival was a full-time job, one that theoretically wouldn't leave any time for holding down another one in addition to lending your modest-for-now fame to your friend's bar band, but hey, we needed an excuse for Rachel to spend time with her roommates and also to help Sam get his modeling career off the ground after he blew his college interview. Does Rachel even attend NYADA anymore?
I'm not even gonna touch the Becky stuff. I'm sick of ranting about it. In a crazy, it's-there-if-you-squint way, I guess we can accept Becky's decision to go to college as an okay resolution to the school-shooting drama that's loomed over her since last season. Ultimately, the solution to Becky's plight was for the people she cares about to just sit down, talk to her, listen to her, and help her make good decisions with regard to her future. If we really stretch, the situation could be viewed as a message of, "If parents and teachers paid more attention to troubled students instead of just doping them up and ignoring the signs of impending doom, then maybe there would be fewer school-shootings blah blah blah," but that's still a pretty simplistic concept and an audience shouldn't have to do so many mental gymnastics with a big story like that. Whatever, Glee.
Potential for disaster aside, "Movin' Out" is certain to go down in Glee history as a key Season 5 episode, regardless of whether we end up with ALL NEW YORK ALL THE TIME next season or not. Blaine and Sam are basically confirmed to be relocating to the TARDIS-loft upon graduation, and however flimsy Becky's storyline is, her residual turmoil has been resolved. If we can now just dedicate an episode to getting Tina sorted out, I think we'll be all set, and the more I think about it, the more I'm coming around to the idea of ALL NEW YORK ALL THE TIME because lets face it: What's left in Lima? I really don't care about Marley's love life or her virginity, and any hints at her being Rachel's great successor seem to have fizzled out. There's still some mileage in Unique, I think, except I don't find Unique to be particularly likable or worthy of keeping us tethered to Ohio. Truthfully, the only thing I might miss if we ditch Lima entirely is Sue, but there are options there. Maybe she can be Glee's Mr. Feeny, inexplicably finding ways to follow this select group of students wherever they go. SO HELP ME if Schue ends up teaching at NYADA next year, though. OMG NO.
Unless it could work. Do you think it could work? If Glee migrates to Manhattan, who do you think should come along?
– Playlist time: "Piano Man"? I'm just not a huge Billy Joel fan, so you tell me what was awesome because I just don't know here.
– "Are you gonna tell them how you dreamed of Broadway stardom and ended up rapping for high schoolers?" <3 Sue.
– "A classic BJ." Lol.
– I felt bad for the Unabomber doppelganger who was stuck putting up with Sam and Blaine's musical mayhem on the bus. Dude just wanted to take a nap and maybe dream about the apocalyptic wasteland that's surely to be brought about by the iPhone.
– "Your Midwestern eyes have the vacant stare of cows." Oh hey, Tyra Banks.
– "Seriously? You all need to be stopped." Santana is like the Sue Sylvester stand-in of Glee's NYC. Bless her.
– "Well, that is just the 'screw you' sentiment employers love."
AIRED ON 5/13/2014
Season 5 : Episode 20