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Music featured in this episode:
"River Deep, Mountain High" by Ike and Tina Turner
"Get Happy/Happy Days are Here Again" by Judy Garland and Barbra Streisand
"Le Jazz Hot!" from Victor/Victoria
"Don't Go Breaking My Heart" by Elton John and Kiki Dee
"Lucky" by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat
"Sing!" from A Chorus Line
Sam: Maybe it's for the best she backed out. If that Puckerman kid ever gets out of jail, he's gonna beat my ass. Don't you still have feelings for her, too?
Finn: No, no way. I'm with Rachel now. I mean, she's a lot shorter than Quinn and she talks a lot, but I'm in love with her.
(After Rachel and Finn's duet)
Mercedes: Okay, do I even need to say it?
Sam: That was kind of rude.
Tina: That was really rude.
Quinn: I seriously wanted to punch both of you.
(After Sam tries to kiss Quinn)
Quinn: No. No, I can't do this. This year is about me. And don't say that I am selfish, because you have no idea how much I have given.
Sam: I wasn't...I wasn't gonna..
Quinn: I've been down this path before; I know this feeling. (pause) L-l-like I need you. Duets don't work for me, and I don't need you. What I need is to find a way to keep Santana off my heels. What I need is to find a way to torture Rachel. And I need to start learning to ignore people.
Sam: I'm sorry, I shouldn't...I shouldn't have tried that.
Quinn: I'm sorry. I made a mistake, and um...I don't want to sing with you.
Sam: I love astronomy. Something about all that space makes my problem seem kind of small. That one's Venus. Planet of Love.
Quinn: It's actually Mars, planet of war.
Sam: Which one are we on?
Quinn: Earth. So why don't you come back to it and talk to me about duets.
(After Mercedes and Santana's duet)
Santana: And just so you know, I've already bought custom bibs for me and Mercedes here. You know why? Cause we's be going..
Santana and Mercedes: To Breadstix.
Mike: I don't want to do it.
Tina: We're duet partners--you have to sing
Mike: I don't even know if I can sing. Evey one knows I'm to do one thing: dance. You sing and I'll dance around you; you'll be fine.
Tina: No, no. We're singing together. We are gonna win that dinner at Breadstix, and then we can finally have a normal night out.
Mike: Normal? What do you mean? We went out last night.
Tina: All we ever do is get dim sum with your mom!
Mike Here we go.
Tina: I am not saying that steamed pork knuckles aren't delicious. I'm just saying that at Breadstix they have bottomless salad bowls, they refill your salad until you leave or pass out.
Mike: You can get salad at dim sum. my mom got salad last night.
Tina: There were chicken feet in it. It was a chicken feet salad. All I want is a normal salad that doesn't have chicken feet in it!
Mike: You're not listening to me.
Tina: You don't care about my needs!
Mike: We are fighting a lot. We should go to Asian couples therapy.
Tina: Why does the couples therapy have to be Asian?
Brittany: (to Artie) I was going to order us one really, really long piece of spaghetti like in Lady and the Tramp. I've been practicing nudging the meatball across the table with my nose.
Kurt: When you're different … when you're special … sometimes you have to get used to being alone.
Brittany: (to Artie) I just really want to get you in a stroller.
Rachel: I think you and I are more similar than you think.
Kurt: That's a terrible thing to say.
Artie: I thought I was over someone, but I...I still think I have feelings for them.
Brittany: The Clintons?
Artie: Tina, I'm sorry.
Brittany: Wait, don't leave. You want to get over Tina, right? (whispering) Let me help you.
(Brittany picks Artie up)
Artie: What are you..what are you doing?
Brittany: I mean you're on the football team now anyways. So..we're gonna get around to this at some point.
Artie: Hold up. Am I about to lose my virginity?
Brittany: Before our duet, we're gonna do it.
Santana: How can you do a duet by yourself? That's like vocal masturbation.
Artie: You've never made eye contact with me.
Brittany: For awhile, I thought you were a robot.
Rachel: I'm only really generous if there's something in it for me.
Finn: Yeah. But I still like you.
Kurt: You have issues with me being gay.
Finn: No. I have issues with the fact that you don't understand that 'no means no.'
Brittany: I love your sweet lady kisses.
Santana: It's a nice break from all that scissoring.
Brittany: We should do a duet together. We should sing Melissa Ethridge's "Come to My Window"
Santana: First of all, there's a lot of talking going on, and I want ta' get my mack on.
Brittany: Well...I don't know, I just..I think we just...
Santana: Okay, second of all. I'm not making out with you because I'm in love with you and want to sing about making lady babies. I'm only here because Puck's been in the slammer for about 12 hours now, and I'm like a lizard. I need something warm beneath me, or I can't digest my food.
Brittany: But who are you going to sing a duet with?
Quinn: What's the point of being popular when you can't do what you want?
Kurt: (on Sam's hair) I have three gifts; my voice, my ability to spot trends in men's fashion and my ability to know when it comes from a bottle.
Sam: I'm Sam. Sam I am. And I don't like Green Eggs and Ham.
Santana: He has no game.
Kurt: He's on team gay. No straight boy does his hair to look like Linda Evangelista circa 1983.
Will: What's a duet?
Brittany: A blanket.
Brittany: (About Puck) He's gotta be the dumbest guy on this planet and that's coming from me.
Rachel: Hey, I have something I want to talk to you about.
Kurt: Please, not another pregnancy.
International Episode Titles:
Czech Republic: Soutěž v duetech (Competition in Duets)
Although credited, Jessalyn Gilsig (Terri Schuester), Jane Lynch (Sue Sylvester), Jayma Mays (Emma Pillsbury) and Mark Salling (Noah "Puck" Puckerman) do not appear in this episode. This is the first episode in which Mark Salling has not appeared.
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: October 12, 2010 on Global
Australia: October 27, 2010 on Channel Ten
Latin America: December 9, 2010 on FOX
United Kingdom: January 31, 2011 on E4/E4 HD
Sweden: February 9, 2011 on TV11
Czech Republic: September 10, 2011 on Prima LOVE
Germany: September 12, 2011 on Super RTL
Slovakia: October 2, 2011 on JOJ
The outfits worn by Rachael and Kurt for their duet of "Happy Days Are Here Again" / "Get Happy" resemble as the outfits worn by Barbara Streisand and Judy Garland in the original performance of this duet, on The Judy Garland Show.
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