Glee Season 1 Episode 14

Sue: (after cutting a student's ponytail) There. You no longer confuse me with your she-male looks. I'm going to donate this to the victims of hurricane Katrina. They can use it to plug the holes in their trailers.

Sue: I'm engorged with venom and triumph.

Will: What do you guys say when you answer the phone?
Mercedes: What up?
Artie: Who this be?
Kurt: No, she's dead, this is her son.

Emma: I just haven't been, uh... intimate in a very, very long time.
Will: How long?
Emma: Ever. I just haven't found the right person. You know, someone who won't reject me when things get really hard with my, um, with my problems.

Will: We should go on a date.
Emma: Okay.
Will: Get to know each other as these... new people, not tied down by anyone. My place. I'll cook.
Emma: I didn't know you could cook.
Will: There are so many things you don't know about me. And I can't wait to introduce them all to you.

Sue: Now that I'm back and my position is secured, I will not stop until you are fired, and your little glee club is annihilated into oblivion.
Will: Bring it.
Sue: Oh, I will bring it, William. You know what else I'm gonna bring? I'm going to bring some Asian cookery to rub your head with. 'cause right now you got enough product in your hair to season a wok.

Finn: (Voiceover, talking about Rachel) Now that we're sort of dating, I have to work so much harder to pretend to be listening to her.

Sue: (to Will) Hey, buddy, you get a haircut? Looks awful.

Mercedes: (To Rachel about Jesse) We're not saying that he's playing you...
Kurt: He's playing you.

Ms. Corcoran: I want a look so optimistic it could cure cancer.

Brittany: Finn didn't fall for any of our tricks
Sue: Such as?
Brittany: I didn't wear a bra and I had them turn off the air conditioning.
Sue: Ladies, I misjudged you. You may be two of the stupidest teens I've ever encountered and that's saying something. I once taught a cheerleading seminar to a young Sarah Palin.

Finn: Do you guys mind including me in your conversations?
Santana: Let us give you an introduction into the way we work. You buy us dinner and we make out in front of you. It's like the best deal ever.

Santana: Alright hottest guys in the school, go.
Brittany: Ok, um, Puck's super fine. Finn's cute too.
Santana: Yeah but he's not hot though.
Brittany: He really isn't..
Santana: And you know what Brit? I think that dwarf girlfriend of his is dragging down his rep. Like say he was dating popular pretty girls like us, he would go from dumpy to smokin'.
Finn: Hello, hey! I'm right here.

Jesse: I like to give impromptu concerts for the homeless. It's so important to give back.

Jesse: I'm getting out of Ohio soon. I've got a full ride to a little school called University of California Los Angeles. Maybe you've heard of it, it's in Los Angeles.

Will: Guys! I don't want to be a buzz kill but the assignment was Hello.
Rachel: I'm sorry, I was just focusing on the first syllable.

Ms. Corcoran: Are you gay? Because most of the show choir directors I make out with are gay.

Will: I want you to meet the new and improved Finn Hudson, by singing about it.
Finn: Oh, that's why the band's here.

Santana: Brit and I told everybody in glee club about Jessie St James. They're furious.
Brittany: If Rachel falls for him, the club will self-destruct.
Sue: Outstanding. On to step two. Round up a bunch of mustach e-sporting teenage girls with gandular conditions. Anything else?
Brittany: Sometimes I forget my middle name.