Season 3 Episode 2

I Am Unicorn

Aired Friday 8:00 PM Sep 27, 2011 on FOX

Episode Recap

Kurt is fixing his accessories at his locker when Brittany comes up and tells him he's fabulous and she loves everything that he does. Kurt is flattered and Brittany tells him she wants to run his campaign for class president because she thinks he's the biggest unicorn at school. This confuses Kurt, so Brittany explains that when a pony does a good deed, he gets a horn and becomes a unicorn and poops cotton candy until he dies when his heart falls out. Kurt tells her that's a terrifying story and walks away. Brittany follows him and tells him the point is a unicorn is someone who knows they're magical and isn't afraid to show it. Kurt went through hell last year and never forgot how special he was, and Brittany's slept with a lot of people and could get a lot of votes. Kurt asks why she doesn't just run herself and she tells him she's not smart enough (this is illustrated when in class she thinks the capital of Ohio is O and is the president). Kurt agrees and Brittany tells him she'll come over to his house after school to work on campaign posters, for which she has a lot of great ideas.

Will strides into the choir room and tells the kids that Vocal Adrenaline came in second at Nationals. Finn adds that was the only good thing to come out of that lost weekend. Rachel hits him and he quickly adds also them getting back together. Will continues that Vocal Adrenaline fired their coach and are having trouble finding another. Tina adds that means they'e vulnerable and Will agrees, but he really has to focus, so he can't direct the musical this year. Rachel starts freaking out but Will tells her it's not being cancelled, he's just not directing it. He's installing a "booty camp" for those who need help with their dancing, i.e. Finn, Puck, Kurt, and Mercedes. Mike Chang is going to be Will's assistant and they start tomorrow. Blaine asks if he can come to catch up with New Directions in general and Rachel asks who is going to direct the musical. Will tells them the Emma and Coach Beiste will be co-directing as they enter the room. Rachel protests they don't have any experience but Will tells her they need all the teachers on their side they can get as a lot of them agree with Sue that the arts are a waste of time. But Will isn't going to send them in blind and appoints Artie as student director. Artie is unsure but Tina reminds him he's made short films and he could do it. Everyone else nods their encouragement and Artie agrees he's in.

Will is making coffee in the teacher's lounge when none other than Shelby Corcoran high heels-it into the teacher's lounge. Will is happily surprised to see her and she tells him that she's a part time teacher as Sugar Motta's father donated a large sum of money to the school in exchange for Principal Figgins hiring Shelby to man another show choir team in which Sugar is the star. Shelby tells Will they used a head hunter to track her down in New York because she's the best show choir director money can buy, apparently. Will's worried about what her presence could do to Rachel and Shelby tells him she plans on reaching out to her. Will asks about Puck and Quinn and Shelby answers Lima is where she made a series of mistakes that defined her for sixteen years so it's where she has to make things right again. At the very least she's going to try. Will takes her at her word and adds the more arts at the school, the better.

Quinn and her fellow skanks are giving a girl a swirlie and taking her lunch money in the bathroom. When she runs away, Sue comes into the bathroom and asks to talk to Quinn alone. The other skanks leave and Quinn takes out a cigarette. Sue takes the cigarette out of her mouth and throws it in the trash. Quinn tells Sue that she doesn't have any power over her anymore because she's got nothing left to lose. Sue tells Quinn she's never looked worse; she lost her child, her boyfriend, her style, and worst of all, her high pony. Sue blames the glee club because when Quinn was a Cheerio, she was at the top of pyramid but she joined the glee club and everything went to hell because Will never appreciated her. Sue offers her the chance to get revenge on the glee club and become a star. Sue's congressional campaign is producing a video about a day in the life of a student from whom the arts stole everything. Quinn asks for thrift stores couches under the bleachers in return as she's found after smoking all day it's hard to stand. Sue agrees and walks out with Quinn's stolen lunch money.

Brittany, wearing a plush unicorn horn, shows Kurt her variety of pink sparkly posters and a sparkly pink tote that contains ruby slippers, a purple teletubby and other things of that fashion which Brittany calls "Kurt's bulging pink fun sack." Kurt searches for a gentle way to tell her and ten bluntly tells her it's too gay. He doesn't just want to be known as the gay kid, and Brittany can't understand why. She tells him everyone at school is either a freak or a closet-freak and the captain of the football team will get the job even though he doesn't represent the people. Kurt agrees but wants to tone down the posters and shows her his idea: a black and white poster featuring Kurt in a suit. He tells her it was inspired by Judy Garland and Brittany calls his story "so unicorn."

Puck is leading Quinn down the hall against her wishes until she sees Shelby in the classroom. Quinn notes she's back and Shelby tells her she thought she could do the whole working-mother thing in New York but she would thinking about missing Beth's milestones even when she was performing. Quinn tries to leave, but Puck stops her and Shelby tells her she missed all the milestones in Rachel's life, she doesn't want that to happen to Quinn. She wants Quinn to be a part of Beth's life. Quinn asks when she gets to see her and Shelby tells her she wants Quinn in Beth's life, but not like this. Quinn needs to clean up her act first. Quinn tells Shelby that she will never be Beth's mom, Quinn is her mom. She stalks out and Puck glances apologetically at Shelby.

Will and Mike are warming up for booty camp, despite the fact Mercedes sees herself as more of a "park-and-bark" and Puck is lying on the floor. Will gets everybody up and Mike Chang shows them a few basic moves. As they start doing the "grapevine" Kurt and Blaine talk about the auditions for the musical, West Side Story. Kurt finds that Blaine is auditioning for Tony as well and Blaine asks if that'd be weird. Kurt tells Blaine that he'd actually make a great Tony. Blaine points out he's a junior and a senior should play the lead, which would be Kurt. Blaine tells Kurt he would be fine playing Bernardo or Officer Krupke, as long as it was opposite Kurt's Tony. Kurt smiles.

Rachel is warming up in the auditorium when Shelby walks in. She tells Rachel her range has improved and Rachel tells her she won't be joining Shelby's show choir because New Directions is her family, and family means something. To her, at least. Shelby tells her she's birth mother- Rachel interrupts to finish she's not her mother and she'll be polite when she sees her in the hall but she has to get back to rehearsal. Shelby tells Rachel she should audition with "Somewhere there's a place for us" and Rachel admits she was considering it, but it's a very challenging song so she's going with "I Feel Pretty" which she's amazing at. Shelby tells her she'll never get the lead or be the star if she plays it safe. She tells her to try it and Rachel obliges and walks to center stage. She sings the first verse while looking at Shelby and Shelby sings the second verse and joins her on stage. They sing the rest of the song to each other.

The beginning of Sue's video shows Quinn hitting a sign and smoking in front of a "no smoking" sign as Sue's voiceover talks about how Quinn used to be on top and have it all but what happened, Quinn Fabray? Quinn tells the camera she got involved with the arts as Becky follows her with a sound-stick and Quinn opens her locker (with an 'I hate everyone' sticker on the inside) and Sue;s voiceover tells us now Quinn keeps the edge off by smoking cornstarch.
Becky runs into Will's office and goes to the corner with the soundstick, followed by Sue and Quinn. Quinn tells Will she's here to give him a piece of her mind as Sue rolls the camera. Quinn tells Will she used to have everything, dated the quarterback, was captain of the Cheerios, she was the prettiest, most popular girl in school until she joined glee club. She tells him she's never coming back to glee club and she hopes he's happy with what he's done to her. She turns to leave but Will is not the same wussy he used to be. He stands up and yells right back.
Will: Ms. Fabray, wait. You know there's only one person in this world that you care about, and that's yourself. You're not a little girl anymore, Quinn. How long do you plan on playing the victim card? You know, since day one you've done nothing but sabotage the same glee club that's been there for you over and over again! When you got pregnant. When your parents kicked you out. Mercedes even let you live at her house! And I don't recall ever hearing so much as a thank you. So now you're a trainwreck, congratulations. But you stride into my office and you tell me that it's my fault? Well, then. I have something to say to you. Grow up.
Speechless, Quinn turns on her heel and walks out of his office.

Shelby answers the door at her apartment and finds Puck on the other side. He nervously asks if it's okay he just stopped by and she asked how he knew where she lived. He tells her he has friends in law enforcement and Shelby tells him while she wants him to be a part of Beth's life, he can't just stop by unannounced. Puck takes a paper out his pocket and tells her it's a drug test which came out clean and he hasn't had any drinks since they talked...besides beer. Shelby tells him while she's impressed, a child is a long term commitment, not just little bursts of energy. They hear a cry and Shelby tells him Beth's awake and she goes over and picks her up. Puck is stunned how much she looks like Quinn with blonde curly hair and brown eyes, but Shelby tells Puck that Beth has his dopey smile. Puck tells her that Beth looks happy, knowing she was with Shelby made it easier. He takes a picture he drew for Beth out of his pocket. Originally it was a clown but then it morphed into a pig so he calls it a clown-pig. He puts it up on the fridge then asks if it'll scare Beth. Shelby tells him it won't, she's tough. Shelby asks Puck if he wants to hold her and he cautiously approaches and adds he doesn't want to hurt her. Shelby tells him they can work up to it and Puck tells her he'll do anything to prove he can be a part of her life.

Coach Beiste puts Artie down in his wheelchair as them and Emma get ready to watch the West Side Story auditions. Kurt is on stage to audition for Tony with "I am the greatest star who ever lived" by Streisand. He performs his audition using a scaffolding on stage, which is met with applause from the judges at his finish.

Quinn is doing her makeup in the bathroom when Puck enters and expresses disdain for her choice brand of cigarettes. Puck tells her to get it together and Quinn retorts that this is who she is now and he tells her she looks like a housewife of Reno. Puck tells her he saw Beth. He tells her Beth's perfect and looks just like Quinn. Well the old Quinn. Quinn tells him they're not parent material and Puck objects they could be. Quinn tells him they will never be together and Puck bluntly tells her, "I don't care about you. I care about her." He doesn't want Beth having questions or being messed up. She needs Quinn in her life.

Coach Beiste, Emma, and Artie are talking about auditions while Kurt listens on the other side of the wall. Emma and Artie think that Kurt would make a great Tony but Coach Beiste points out that Tony is tough, he's the leader of the Jets, and she looks at Kurt and doesn't believe it. Emma retorts that there's a delicate wholesomeness to Kurt that would work for the poet in Tony. Coach Beiste states she wants a Tony that excites the lady parts, and Kurt is too much of a lady. Emma asks for Artie's opinion and Artie agrees he think Kurt might be a little delicate for Tony.

Kurt walks down the hall, disheartened from overhearing the judges' discussion when he sees pink, rainbow and unicorn posters with his head plastered on them that are posted all over the hall. He sees Brittany and Santana putting more up and runs over and confronts them. Brittany tells him the poster he wanted gave her crippling depression and Kurt protests he wanted something toned down. Santana interjects this is toned down; at first, the unicorn was riding Kurt. Brittany doesn't know why Kurt is so upset; he's special, he should embrace it. Kurt tells her he's not going to win and grabs Rachel to help him re-audition. Over his shoulder, he yells at Brittany to stop putting up the posters. Now Brittany is disheartened she failed her precious unicorn and Santana tells her her campaign is brilliant and if Kurt doesn't see that, he doesn't deserve Brittany as his campaign manager. Santana tells Brittany she's a genius and she is the unicorn.

In the auditorium, the judges are confused to see Rachel and Kurt dragging out a period mattress and dressed in Elizabethan clothes. Kurt tells them he wants to show them the masculinity he could bring to Tony if/when they grace him with the part (Artie snorts which doesn't go unnoticed by Kurt). Kurt tells them they'll be a doing a scene from the play West Side Story is based on, Romeo and Juliet. Rachel adds she just read the scene ten minutes ago and is already off-book. Coach Beiste clarifies that Kurt is playing Romeo and Kurt and Rachel start their scene. Throughout their scene, Coach Beiste, Emma and Artie all keep snorting and suppressing giggles and when Kurt goes to kiss Rachel, she stifles a laugh. Hurt, Kurt gets up and leaves the auditorium.

Sugar is warming up with Shelby and Shelby finds out how bad she is. Shelby repeats the warm-up and asks if Sugar notices a warm-up. Sugar tells her that hers (Sugar's) was good. Sugar tells Shelby to take the rest of the day off as she has a nasally voice Sugar can only take so much of. She hugs Shelby and leaves the room as Quinn enters. Quinn tells her that Sugar's hopeless and Shelby replies that no one's hopeless. Shelby tells Quinn she went down the same path when she gave up Rachel but eventually she knew she did right by her daughter, which is the true test of motherhood. How much of yourself you're willing to give up for them. Quinn tells her she's not going back to being Miss Perfect Blonde and Shelby points out if she really was that girl, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant. Shelby continues that she's going to be graduating high school soon and the first step to being an adult is to stop punishing yourself for things you did as a child. Quinn asks if she can see Beth, and she know Puck got to. Quinn begs to at least see a photo and Shelby shows her a picture on her phone of Beth on Puck's lap. Quinn starts sniffling and Shelby tells her since she wonders who she is to look at that sweet, special little face. She looks just like Quinn. Shelby tells Quinn she can be a part of this family, she wants her to be. It's all up to her. She walks away and Quinn looks at the picture and cries.

Finn is working in Burt's shop on a car as Rachel sits next to him and hands him tools. Finn thanks her for helping out and she tells him she needs the distraction as she;ll be strung out until they post the audition results. Finn tells her she knows she'll get the lead and she tells him he can still try out. He declines because of football, glee and booty camp. His dancing has to get better or it'll cost them Nationals, and Burt pays him well at the tire shop. Rachel tells Finn she doesn't want him giving up what makes him most special. He tells her he wouldn't mind staying in Lima and working for Burt; would that be so bad? Rachel agrees it wouldn't if it made him happy. She hesitates before adding she doesn't think it would because he's better than that. He may not know that, but she does. Finn smiles and calls her the best girlfriend ever and they share a kiss. Burt walks by and tells them to stop making out in the shop and sees Kurt sitting at his desk. He tells Kurt he only comes down to the shop when he needs money or wants to talk about something and asks what's up. Kurt has a list of musicals he'd be a shoo-in to get the lead role, including but not the least of which is Miss Saigon as Miss Saigon. Burt reminds him he's gay and sings like Diana Ross and dresses like he owns a chocolate factory. He tells Kurt there's nothing wrong with any of that, it's what makes Kurt who he is. Kurt protests he's not ashamed of that but if he wants to be an actor, he has to pass for straight to get the great romantic roles. Burt tells him if they're not writing stuff he can star in, he should write his own and change the rules. Kurt tells his dad he's tired of being a unicorn and Burt replies "You know what they call a unicorn without a horn? A freaking horse."

In booty camp Finn is watching Mike Chang and Will do some steps with a nervous look on his face. Will calls him up and Finn joins them but falls halfway through the routine. Finn laments he can't do it and Will insists he can and asks who knows more about dancing. Finn tells him he does and Will agrees and helps Finn up. They do the routine one more time and Finn gets through it without falling and pulls it off with Mercedes, Puck and Kurt cheer enthusiastically and Finn hugs Will. They turn and see Quinn, with her hair back to normal and wearing a white sundress. Will asks if they can help her and she tells him she heard this was for people who need help with their dancing and want to win Nationals. She asks if she can join them and Will replies, "Absolutely." Mercedes gives her a hug and Quinn gets in line next to Puck. Puck tells Quinn he's proud of her and Quinn tells him they have to get her back. She's going to get full custody of Beth, even if it takes dying her hair blonde and pretending she's special. Puck looks stunned.

Will, Emma and Coach Beiste are eating lunch when Sue joins them and Will gloats that Quinn is back in glee club. Sue tells him it gives her campaign a new angle, that Quinn has relapsed into the arts because they're like crack, only more addictive and less healthy. Sue tells them as of today, she is first in the polls. She leaves and Will laments they can't let her win. Coach Beiste replies then they have to find someone credible to run against her, the anti-Sue.

Brittany is walking down the hall when she sees Kurt hanging posters that are pink and feature Kurt with a unicorn's horn sticking out of his head. Kurt apologizes for rebuffing her ideas because she was right, he needs to celebrate who he is. He is unicorn. Brittany hugs him and tells him she's running as well. All the last presidents have been guys, and she's starting to believe in her own magic. She's a unicorn too...or maybe a bi-corn. Kurt wishes her luck.

Blaine is auditioning in the auditorium. He tells them he'll be singing "Something's Coming" and starts his audition. As he sings, Kurt watches from the rafters with a smile on his face. Blaine's rendition of "Something's Coming" brings the house down and the judges are awestruck. Artie tells Blaine he's giving him a standing ovation but expresses confusion that Blaine only put down he wanted Bernardo or Officer Krupke. The judges ask him to read for Tony. Kurt gasps in horror and leaves the auditorium.