Glee

Sue: I hear people say "that's not how I define marriage." Well to them I say "love knows no bounds." Why can't people marry dogs? I'm certainly not advocating intimacy with your pets, I for one think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling. So woof, I'm pro-15-Ohio. And that's how Sue... C's it.

Sue: Schuester! Will: Yeah. Sue: I'll need to see that set list for sectionals after all. I want it on my desk warm from the laminator at 5pm and if it is one minute late I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat and then on some dark cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face.

Puck: God, what's the matter with me? I'm a stud and I can't even hold onto a chick like you. No offense. (pause) Why don't girls like me? Rachel: Because you're kind of a jerk. No offense.

Kurt: You've been getting so much pressure from the gorillas on the football team. I guess they didn't appreciate me resigning from the team and choosing Glee. Finn: Probably would have went over better if you didn't announce it in the showers.

Rachel: I can't give myself to someone who isn't...brave enough to sing a solo. If you don't have the guts to do that then-then-then how are you going be bold enough to deal with the ups and downs of loving an admittedly high-maintenance girl like me. Puck: Are you questioning my bad-assedness? Have you seen my guns?

Puck: When I woke up I knew it was more than a dream, it was a message from God. Rachel was a hot Jew and the good Lord wanted me to get into her pants.

Quinn: (to Emma) I can't believe we're saying this, but we need some advice on how to be cool. Finn: Yeah, you must have picked up some ideas about what cool people do from watching them over the years.