Glee

Rachel: (to Quinn, after telling Finn that Puck is the father) I'm so sorry. I fully understand if you want to beat me up. If you can, just try to avoid my nose.

Will: But the wedding is on Saturday. Your wedding. Emma: I know. We just pushed it back a few hours. Now it doesn't have to happen in broad daylight.

Emma: We've got a problem. They're doing all our numbers; the kids are completely freaking out. Artie keeps ramming himself into the wall and I'm pretty sure Jacob just wet himself.

Sue: Schuester! Well played, sir. I underestimated you. Alright, here's what happens now. I go to my condo in Boca, brown up a bit, get back into fighting shape. Then I'm going to return to this school more hellbent on your destruction. Get ready for the ride of your life, Will Schuester. You are about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination: Horror! Will: I look forward to it, Sue. Sue: You just woke a sleeping giant. Prepare to be crushed!

Principal Figgins: Sue, the directors both from the Jane Addams Academy and Haverbrook School for the deaf have informed me that you gave them the New Directions set list! Sue: You have no proof. Principal Figgins: The set lists were on Cheerios letterhead. Sue: I didn't do it. Principal Figgins: They say, "From the desk of Sue Sylvester!" Sue: Circumstantial evidence. Principal Figgins: They were written in your handwriting! Sue: Forgeries! Principal Figgins: Sue, there is an orgy of evidence stacked against you!

Rachel: I've never told you this before, but I'm a little psychic. I can't read minds or anything yet, but I do have a sixth sense.

Rachel: You're amazing, Mercedes, and you deserve it. I'm gonna hug you now.

(On the phone with other Glee club members) Mercedes: Hey--she's on to it. Tina: I know! It's really freaking me out. Hold up. Artie's buzzing in. I'm going party line. Artie: Dudes, this is serious! If she finds out, she's gonna tell Finn! She's a total trout mouth. Tina: Kurt wants in. Kurt: I say we lock Rachel up until after Sectionals. I volunteer my basement. Mercedes: We can't! We need her to sing. Kurt: Damn her talent. Santana: We just heard! Who told? Artie: We assumed it was you. Santana: And why would I do that? Kurt: To get back at Puck. Aren't you guys dating? Santana: Sex is not dating. Brittany: If it were, Santana and I would be dating. Santana: Look, I don't want to rock the boat. Since Quinn got pregnant, I'm top dog around here. Mercedes: Hold up, Rachel's walking by. (to Rachel) Hey, hot mama! (Rachel walks away) Mercedes: She's gone. Look, I know I screwed up telling you guys about Quinn and Puck, and I feel really terrible about it! But we can't let Rachel figure this out. If she tells Finn, he's going to flip! Kurt: And then we really have no chance at Sectionals.

Sectional Judge Donna Landries: Those Jane Adam girls, I'd be damned if I'd given a portion of hundreds of thousands of taxpayers dollars to that school so they can parade their behinds like a bunch of hoochie hoes.

Will: I'm going to expose you for the fraud that you've become. Sue: Bring it on, William. I'm reasonably confident that you will be adding revenge to the long list of things that you are no good at. Right next to being married, running a high school Glee club, and finding a hairstyle that doesn't make you look like a lesbian.