Glee Season 2 Episode 15

Emma: This meeting of the celibacy club will come to order. First, a word of congratulations: no one in this club has experienced an unplanned pregnancy in almost a year.

Kurt: So, you're saying I shouldn't have sex.
Burt: I think on your thirtieth birthday, it is a great gift to yourself. Kurt, when you're ready, I want you to be able to... do everything. But when you're ready I want you to, use it as a way to connect to another person. Don't throw yourself around, like you don't matter. 'Cause you matter, Kurt.
Kurt: Is that it?
Burt : That's it, for now. Can I make you some toast?
Kurt: I think I'll take it up to my room to eat while I look over my new pamphlets, thank you dad.
Burt: You're, welcome.

Holly: (talking to Glee club) So, just remember; whenever you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with, and everybody's got a random.

Puck: Once on a dare, I swallowed a thumbtack. And I'm about 90% sure it's still there.

Santana: I wanted to thank you for performing that song with me in Glee club.
Brittany: Yeah.
Santana: 'Cause it's made me do a lot of thinking. What I've realized is why I'm such a bitch all the time. I'm bitch because I'm angry. I'm angry because I have all of these feelings, feelings for you, that I'm afraid of dealing with, because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences. And Brittany, I can't go to an Indigo Girls concert, I just can't.
Brittany: I can understand that.
Santana: Do you understand what I'm trying to say here?
Brittany: No not really.
Santana: I want to be with you. But I'm afraid of all the talks, and the looks. I mean you know what happened to Kurt at this school.
Brittany: But, Honey, if anybody where to every make fun of you , you would either kick their ass or slash them with your vicious, vicious words.
Santana: Yeah, I know. But I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back. Still, I have to accept...that I love you. I love you and I don't want to be with Sam or Finn or any of those other guys. I just want you. Please say you love me back. Please.

Santana: (to Brittany) Look, let us be clear here, I am not interested in any labels... unless it's on something I shoplifted.

Brittany (to Santana): I think I have a bun in the oven. Please don't tell anyone okay, especially Artie?
Santana: Sure, your secret is safe with.. (to Tina who just walked in) Oh my God, Brittany is pregnant!
Tina (to Puck who came in from the other direction) : Oh My God, Brittany is pregnant!
Puck snide smile: It's only a matter of time.
Lauren (standing next to puck): For what?
Puck : Brittany to get pregnant.
Lauren : Oh. (to Artie who just rolled in) Congratulations!
Artie : For what?
Lauren : Oh you didn't hear? Your girlfriend is preggo, you gonna be a baby daddy!
Artie : stunned look

Brittany: I want to talk to you about something. I really like when we make out and stuff.
Santana: Which isn't cheating, because...?
Brittany: The plumbing's different.

Sam: (to Artie) Pretty cool that our girlfriends are such good friends, right? I wish you and I were that close.

Brittany: This relationship is really confusing for me.
Santana: Breakfast is confusing for you.
Brittany: Sometimes it's sweet and sometimes it's salty. Like, what if I have eggs for dinner? What is it?

Brittany:The key is to use the curling iron in the bathtub to keep yourself from getting burnt.

Holly: Sex. It's just like hugging – only wetter.

Emma: (about Holly) I look forward to having the opportunity to nail her to the wall. You know what I mean.