Glee

Rachel: I know everyone expects us to be enemies and be in competition, but I don't hate you. Quinn: Why not? I've been awful to you. Rachel: That was before you knew what it felt like to be me. An outsider. More people are gonna start finding out about this (she points to her belly, and you're gonna need friends who can relate. Quinn: How can you relate to what I'm going through? Rachel: You don't think people whisper about me in the lunchrooms or draw pornographic pictures of me on the bathroom walls? Quinn: That was me, actually. Rachel: Look, I don't agree with the choice you're making, but you're gonna need glee. You have seven months of your youth left. You should enjoy it. And let's face it, in a couple of months, that cheerleading uniform isn't gonna fit and we're gonna be all you have left. Just come back to practice. Boys versus girls. It's fun. And we could certainly use your voice right now. You're actually a good singer, Quinn. Occasionnally sharp, but that's just because you lack my years of training. Quinn: I would have tortured you if the roles were reversed, you know? Rachel: I know.

Will: Is it true about Ken asking to marry you? Emma: Yeah. Yeah, it is... Will: What are you going to do? Emma: I don't know. Can you, um... Can you think of any other options I might have? Will: Is... is that a reason to marry someone? Emma: That's not what I'm asking.

Emma: So, what did you want to talk to me about? Will: Oh, good news. I figured out a way to get the kids motivated. They're going to compete against each other in a glee-off. Emma: Oh. Will: And guess who the celebrity judge is going to be? You. Emma: Me? Will: You are the most honest and impartial person I know.

Sue: This is a list of my Cheerios. Every week I pick someone at random and I kick them out. Will: Yeah, well, in glee club we do things a little bit differently. Sue: Oh, yeah, Will? How's that working out for you? You have to remember something. We're dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It's like mother's milk to them. Without it, their bones won't grow properly.

Artie: (To Mr.Shuester) We plan on smacking them down like the hand of God.

Quinn: I need to talk to you. .. about the baby. Terri: Is everything okay? Wait, you're not having it right now are you? Quinn: What, no. Aren't you supposed to be a nurse?

Sue: (Writing in her journal) Dear Journal. Feeling listless again today. It began at dawn, when I tried to make a smoothie out of beef bones, breaking my juicer. And then at Cheerios practice, disaster! It was unmistakable. It was like spotting the first spark on the Hindenburg. A quiver! That quiver will lose us Nationals. And without a championship, I'll lose my endorsements. And without those endorsements, I won't be able to buy my hovercraft. Glee Club. Every time I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth-breathers, it only comes back stronger, like some sexually-ambiguous horror movie villain. Here I am, about to turn 30, and I've sacrificed everything, only to be shanghaied by the bi-curious machinations of a cabal of doughy, misshapen teens. Am I missing something, Journal? Is it me? Of course it's not me. It's Will Schuester! What is it about him, Journal? Is it the arrogant smirk? Is it the store-bought home perm? It's coming clear to me now. If I can't destroy the club, I will have to destroy the man.

Emma: Terri, Will is good man. He's kind, and he's generous...and he deserves a lot better than you.

Sue: (To Terri) Your husband is hiding his kielbasa in a Hickory Farms gift basket that doesn't belong to you.

Sue: (To Will and Emma) Oh dear God, please...please stop talking. I'm trying desperately to ignore the treacly-sweet inanity of your asinine conversation, but now I've got bile in my mouth and I will hold my tongue no further.