(getting his car inspected at the Canadian border)
Bob: This is harassment, pure and simple.
Border Patrolman: Sorry sir, but you fit the profile. Mindless belligerence is one of our red flags.
Bob: What kind of idiot country is this?!
Border Patrolman: Fair warning sir, you're on the verge of talking yourself into a full cavity search.
Bob: Where do you get off threat-
(cuts to Bob driving away with a frightened look on his face)
Bob: I wanted to ask you, I'm in sort of a tough bind with my kid and I need your help.
God: This is a tough week for me Bob. There's a crisis in Africa.
Bob: You always say that! You always say there's a crisis in Africa.
God: That's because there is always a crisis in Africa. You might know that if you picked up a news paper once in a while instead of filling your head with soft-core porn.
Andy: We need to talk.
Bob: All right. When a man has certain "feelings" for a woman...
Andy: Dad, I'm six.
Bob: Oh. Then you know.