The 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards

Oh my G. 

This is— This is a surprise. What is— Is this— Oh my. I didn't— I didn't write a speech! I don't know— I mean— Is this— Can I— Where is— What is— I'm not— This is— This is a surprise! What do I—    [long silence]    Sorry, I got this. Oh, it says "hurry." You know—  ♫ music ♫  Wait, hold on. I just— I just want to—  ♫ music swells ♫  Wait, stop— I just want— Are we— Can I— I didn't bring a speech—  ♫ music very loud now ♫  WAIT. I have something— Can I— I just want— I just want— Please let me—  ♫ obtrusive saxophone ♫  Thank you to— Wait give me a— Stop the music—  ♫ doomsday beats ♫  THANK YOU TO— HELLO? THANK YOU TO, UH— WAIT! LET ME JUST—  ♫ air raid siren mash-up w/ Florence + the Machine ♫  THANKS TO MY TEAAAAMMMMM

Haha okay that's enough end scene sorry about that. That was an excerpt taken from my diary, did you like it? But you didn't come here to read that junk, you came here to relive the glory of the Golden Globe Awards, and so we shall!

The main thing to know about the Golden Globe Awards is that they are a joke that nobody takes seriously. Not the Industry, not the celebrities, not the Beverly Hilton, not the cult of foreign weirdos who run the thing. It is all just a weird weekday game night before the weekend house party blowout that is the Oscars. Like, there's a reason this thing happens BEFORE the Oscars. Because right now people are still somewhat jazzed about awards and whatnot, but trust me, straight-up NOBODY would show up for the Golden Globes if they went down the weekend after the Oscars. It's like how nobody cares about the All-Star game after the Super Bowl. (What is football?)

Anyway, the Golden Globes have always been painful and awkward and hilarious and this year they were all of those things 2 THE XTREME. Therefore they were perfect, basically. Everybody drunk and not giving a sh*t, and that was just the crew. The celebrities were gone mentally and who can blame them? Life is hard, especially for millionaires. But two ladies who DID work hard and who did us right in general were these two: 

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted for the second year in a row and they were tremendous. Duh. That was never in question, but that doesn't mean we still shouldn't celebrate it. Good job, you pair of talented humans! Anyway, as always, 98 percent of the enjoyment of this show was in the audience cutaways and the production mistakes. For the former, there was definitely some kind of bizarre algorithm or code that the director was using because some cutaways were sincerely hilarious. WHY certain people over others? What connection does The Edge have to Elizabeth Moss? Or better yet, the bitchy cutaways, like losing nominees staring grim-faced at the winner onstage. That being said, some cutaways were intentionally funny, like when the hosts kept pronouncing Tom Hanks' name as Tam Honks: 

But then they'd make, say, a joke about Matt Damon being "a garbage person" and we'd cut to Bono CRACKING. UP.

Anyway, I loved it. Couldn't get enough of the cutaways. 

This was a funny joke. Fey and Poehler basically used their entire monologue as a sort of Roast of Hollywood, just busting so many snaps about everybody. And then they made fun of "Amy Poehler" while this was the cutaway:

That was very good and funny. But this was even funnier:

Julia Louis-Dreyfus sitting in the film section (the TV people had to sit in the balcony) and smoking an e-cigarette while refusing to take a selfie with Reese Witherspoon. Perfect! Julia Louis-Dreyfus has made awards show moments her third career. After actress and heiress to a billion-dollar fortune. It is a very good third career, though!

Oh, you know what joke absolutely killed? The one about George Clooney in Gravity deciding to float away into space rather than spend one more minute with a woman his own age. I mean:

So good. That Julianna Margulies reaction was tough though. Poor Nurse Hathaway!

Here's Jonah Hill's reaction to the implication that he masturbates in front of partygoers at his pool parties:

And here's how that one actor from Captain Phillips looked when Tina Fey sexually propositioned him from the stage:

(Who you textin', Rita?)

The monologue was VERY funny and very terrific, but then it was like a record scratch when Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock finally climbed up onto the stage (one more hilarious aspect of this show is that there are no real aisles so the celebrities have to shimmy over each other in order to reach the stage) and these two seemed like they were suddenly at a funeral. Dang guys, cheer up!

But yeah, back to the crazy obstacle course the celebs had to traverse, here's Jennifer Lawrence trying to reach the stage:

I don't mean to start any rumors but Jennifer Lawrence kissed and hugged and 'what's up'-ed several people on her way up there but (A) barely even glanced at Amy Adams, and (B) this was the look on Amy Adams' face when she passed:

NOT STARTING ANY RUMORS THOUGH.

Jennifer Lawrence is very likable. TOO likable maybe? I'm starting to get nervous about Jennifer Lawrence, you guys. I don't know if I trust her anymore. She's too good.

Then Josh Hartnett and Sela Ward came out to present an award and they did a great job.

Hayden Panetierre won the evening with her wet look hair. My main theory behind this look was that maybe backstage she was slimed by a phantasm and just had to improvise. Well, the hair looked great and so did the bolo-tie dress. Hayden Panetierre was in it to WIN IT. But did not win it.

I liked when fellow nominee Sofia Vergara believed she was the most entertaining person in her frame. NOPE. 

Jacqueline Bisset's acceptance speech was obviously the highlight of the evening.  She stood silently for half an hour, dropped a few cuss words, yelled at the music, tried to have conversations with her co-stars from the stage, and then quoted her mother by saying "Go to hell or never come back." I am STILL trying to figure out what that means, and by that I mean it was perfect. 

If I'm being real, the TRUE highlight of the evening and the best parts of the show in general were the into-and-out-of commercial segments in which the celebrities hob-nobbed with the kind of staged, desperate intensity of celebrities at a celebrity party. There must have been four dozen roaming cameras to have filmed all these interactions in the ten minutes or so before the show started, so every single interaction was strange and stiff. But it never stopped making me laugh to imagine one specific phrase being said during each encounter:



So good and so fun. Being a celebrity looks like A NIGHTMARE.

So anyway, we then got into the real heart of the show. The heart in this case would be celebrities walking onstage and handing truly terrible-looking trophies to other celebrities.

Behind the Candelabra, a very good movie, beat out American Horror Story: Coven, which in my mind is not fair seeing as there are still THREE episodes left. How is that fair? Voters haven't seen how the story concludes! I keep seeing bozos who are ready to judge the three AHS seasons against one another and that is straight-up insane. The first two seasons had absolutely incredible endings that basically changed our perceptions of those entire seasons. Why is it okay to throw a partial seasons of AHS against long-concluded miniseries? Ridiculous! Anyway, congrats to Behind the Candelabra.

This lady beat out Jessica Lange for best actress, which NOPE. But again, maybe voters didn't get to see the entire season yet. Like, you KNOW J.Lange is going to have an insane monologue or four in the finale. Oh well! And haha oh, check out Jessica Lange during Elizabeth Moss' acceptance speech:

THAT'S OUR JESSICA LANGE.

This audience shot distracted me. Jennifer Lawrence was still backstage giving press and her dreamy date Nicholas Hoult was all alone! 

OR WAS HE?

Matt Damon came out to talk about Somalia or whatever. We get it, Matt Damon. (I actually don't get it. What's up with Somalia?)

I didn't like the joke that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler did about making fun of foreign people's names. That being said, here was a foreign guy and he didn't seem too upset about it.

BODY LANGUAGE EXPERTS: What is happening here?

It was amazing when the teleprompter gave the wrong lines to Jonah Hill and the lady from Wolf of Wall Street. They were like, "Hey those lines are for Aaron Eckhart" and then somebody ran onstage with a piece of binder paper that they then read from. It was obviously one of my favorite moments not just of the night but in history.

Things started getting really dark and foreboding at this point. I don't know.

Oh but then Breaking Bad started winning everything. FINALLY. I'm glad people are starting to get into this show, good for them.

Vince Gilligan made Aaron Paul say "yeah bitch" and I got super sad. It's like when my parents throw banquets for the Lieutenant Governor and ask me to stand on a chair and sing an operetta in my beautiful contralto. I'M NOT YOUR PUPPET.

Then Steve Coogan and his wife came out to yell at everybody about judging them for their love. Also they presented Philomena which is too hot to talk about.

Then Usher got BOX'D OUT by P. Diddy and Kate Beckinsale. He just stood there frowning at P. Diddy's shoulder for about an hour. 

Also it was very weird when Edward Sharpe and the Absent Zeroes won a Golden Globe and he immediately started bragging with Diddy that they'd recently partied together on a yacht in St. Bart's. Wow, that five second interlude absolutely undermined the entire image of his down-home band and also the shy, stuttery routine he pulled during his acceptance speech. Sorry, but you can't be a charming, awkward musician if you've partied on a yacht in St. Bart's with P. Diddy. Scram, poseur. Also, congratulations on your win great job!

U2 won a Golden Globe for whatever, don't worry about it.

Then Lady Gaga's boyfriend a.k.a. Uncle Mason from Vampire Diaries came out and mispronounced "candelabra."

Jon Voight won an award for a show that nobody watches or cares about SORRY yes I am picking a fight with the Ray Donovan community, come at me, RayDons!

Olivia Wilde is really wonderful, that is all.

I don't know who this was.

Amy Adams won an award for doing a British accent with side-boobs. I thought Man of Steel was better than American Hustle and that's why I'm an award-winning critic bye.

This was a funny gag (gag means joke): Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon's real-life daughter was Miss Golden Globe, so Tina Fey claimed that her illegitimate teenage son was Mister Golden Globe:

And he was a real terrible guy! Just a whiny, miserable teen in eye makeup. But I loved when he ran into the crowd and demanded to know which celebrity was his real father. Tina Fey immediately dismissed Idris Elba as a possibility but then clammed up when it came to Harvey Weinstein. And the camera cut away just as this started happening:

It was a touching story in general!

Then Robin Wright won an award for House of Cards, which, fine. Hard to argue with this, or anything really. I mean we're all just hurtling toward the grave like a bee on a Slip 'N Slide.

Jim Carrey ran onto the stage for some reason and security allowed it.

Then a 1970s game show host led the room in a spirited round of Don't Fall Asleep.

Oh, I don't know if you were aware of this but Jared Leto is a HETEROSEXUAL MAN who, yes, is an actor who plays other people, but he's still a heterosexual man who deserves awards for waxing his legs but NOT his crotch like "some of" the other guys in the room, meaning the GAY ONES. Get out of here, Jared Leto. 

This guy knew what I was talking about:

Emma Thompson did this bit where she pretended to be drunk and then threw her shoes on the floor. Personally after just spending the holidays with my family this hit a little close to home for me. Too soon, very offensive.

What was NOT offensive was Spike Jonze winning for Her. That movie was very good (in a sucker punch kind of way because ouch my heart) and I like seeing a truly exciting filmmaker win prizes. I'm old-fashioned like that. 

At this point my brain just decided that Enlightened and The Comeback were the same. I mean my heart knows they were two different shows, but then explain this picture! Enlightened featured an occasionally shirtless Kellan Lutz right? I no longer remember!

Then Seth Meyers and Julie Bowen came onstage and threw chicken bones into the rafters for what felt like seven minutes. And then something crazy happened:

Oh boy. I was going to rant about this SO MUCH but nah. I'll let you Samberg fans have this one. I'm going to be over here chilling out and listening to this lady's VERY excellent music:

Ugh, dang I really needed that. Thanks, Joanna Newsom! You are a legit genius even though I don't love your taste in husbands.

Then Charlie Sheen and Downtown Julie Brown presented the award for Best Foreign Film.

HEY I DON'T REMEMBER SELLING MY LIFE RIGHTS TO THE ITALIANS.

Then the hosts changed their dresses and walked out with gold goblets and hassled Julia Louis-Dreyfus again for switching seats back into the TV section.

This was a truly lovely image, thank you Julia Louis-Dreyfus. (P.S. I know this is only a comedy bit, but just FYI what you are eating is called a hot dog. Some of us eat them to stay alive.)

I liked this part where Melissa McCarthy pretended to be Matt Damon and Jimmy Fallon pretended to have comic timing. Just kidding, love you Jimmy Fallon! Please throw an extra shovel of dirt onto Jay Leno's grave for me!

Oh man, another very annoying actor protesting too much about NOT being gay. In this case Douglas joked that he was worried when Soderbergh suggested he play Liberace because had he been "mincing" too much? It is frankly amazing when people come SO CLOSE to being actually cool but then let their old-fashioned fears kick in and ruin it. You know, for a split-second there it really seemed like these guys had learned what it felt like to be casually denigrated all the time by an endlessly alienating world, but nope! They are just as in-the-majority as they ever were. (That is another paragraph from my diary, did you like it?)

Cartoons. I like 'em! So does the Foreign Press. Well, they like ONE of them. Something called "Frozen." 

I don't know, I haven't seen it, I don't have kids anymore.

Billy Zane was lookin' fine.

It still makes me so uncomfortable when Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen doesn't have white hair or dragons or beefy hunks at her side. Here she just has brown hair and Robin. NOT AS GOOD.

When the nominees were announced for Best Actress in a Comedy Series, Bono was giving Amy Poehler a back massage. And then when she won they full-on MACKED OUT. Perfect in my opinion. (Although Bono's purple glasses MIGHT'VE been a gag all along also? Truly a master stroke, if so.)

Yay! So happy for Amy Poehler. She is a national treasure and certainly deserved to win SOMETHING after hosting this thing for two years.

Then Emma Stone (who is perfect) came out and things started getting weird. You see, this was the Woody Allen Lifetime Achievement Award part of the show. 

A table full of Woody Allen starlets watched as Diane Keaton came out and arm wrestled her own blood alcohol level to yammer endlessly about how great Woody Allen is.

Woody Allen is a genius. Granted. But also what a weirdo! And he's very likely done bad and illegal things to good people, including family members and all that kind of thing, you know what I'm saying. But you know what, that is for the cops to sort out. I like Woody Allen movies. Well, some of them. He has like a 15% success rate, but since he's made one hundred thousand movies, that means he's made several masterpieces. Good for Woody Allen! But also, thanks for staying home, Woody Allen. This show was weird enough already. Also Diane Keaton sang a Girl Scouts hymn and my heart started racing like I was in a horror film.

Liam Neeson came out and fired a gun and shouted at foreigners! Just kidding he just mumbled something peacefully, relax. But Maggie Grace was definitely sobbing in a Jaguar outside, so who knows.

Ben Affleck (Surviving Christmas) introduced the Best Director award. Alfonso Cuaron!

Gravity was very good, but I hope Alfonso Cuaron grounded his son for writing a halfway stupid screenplay. "Jonas Cuaron, the backstory with the daughter who died playing tag was RIDICULOUS GO TO YOUR ROOM." But in Spanish.

I'm honestly not sure what was happening in this part, or in my life, or in the world in general. 

This show beat out A LOT of better shows for the Best Comedy Series trophy. Which, fine. It has Andre Braugher and Terry Crews and Chelsea Peretti. But it's like Fox has a mandate that leading ladies should all be too young and frail for their jobs? I just wish the two main women on this show didn't look like they fold sweaters at Forever 21, that's all. Like what is even the DEAL with the main lady on Brooklyn Nine-Nine? Is she a friendly ghost? Is she just a vapor cloud? Is it too late to recast her with, I don't know, Chyna? The sarcastic one is fine but so sarcastic she's boring. And again, too young and not even intimidating for a cop! I have seen every episode of this show and I still can't make heads or tails of those two characters. But I still like them both better than Andy Samberg SORRRYYYY. Anyway, congrats to Brooklyn Nine-Nine!

Here was a shot of Inside Llewyn Davis's Oscar Isaac filling everybody's water glasses and looking miserable!

Then Jennifer Lawrence came back out and wrestled with the teleprompter in order to deliver Leonardo DiCaprio a Golden Globe for comedy finally.

What a weird category this was! Leonardo DiCaprio, Christian Bale, Oscar Isaac, Bruce Dern, and Joaquin Phoenix. FOR COMEDY. Look I hate to be a purist, but no, none of those movies were comedies. Zero percent of them. Zero. Man, awards shows are such snobs about what comedy even means. My definition of comedy is a movie that is comedic. Oh wait, I guess this is "musical OR comedy" in which case the handful of folk songs in Inside Llewyn Davis qualifies it I guess. What a good category. What a good awards show.

Reese Witherspoon presented 12 Years a Slave, obviously.

Chris Hemsworth and the real-life inspiration for the Austrian driver who got real burnt up in Rush came out and introduced THAT film.

Do not ask me what was going on here. Something about Drew Barrymore maybe being a last-minute fill-in? She mumbled something about being sent onstage wrong, but who even knows what that could mean. She looked great though. I love Drew Barrymore, she's one of the good ones.

American Hustle won for Best Picture, because why not. It's a movie nobody truly loves and fewer still could even recount the plot in an comprehensible way. Jennifer Lawrence, though, she was great. Somebody ought to give her a... Oh, nevermind.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler cracked a truly dirty joke about how everyone should give Leonardo DiCaprio a warm welcome, much like a supermodel's vagina. Then the screen legit cut to black for a few seconds. I always knew this was how the world would end.

As his earlier award suggested, DiCaprio was a real king of comedy. Also he used up even more stage time to continue thanking the agents and producers he'd neglected to thank during his actual acceptance speech. Celebs are so cool sometimes!

Um, I actually mean that here. Cate Blanchett gave a very excellent and meaningful and heartfelt speech. I wanted her to stay onstage a lot longer but the music was a real brute tonight. Okay bye, Cate Blanchett.

We are so close. We are so very, very close. 

Here's what Idris Elba did when she called his name during the roll-call of Best Actor nominees:

So good. He wins. Except no wait, this guy won:

I guess I can't object to this. I haven't seen this movie (FINALLY somebody was brave enough to tell the story of a straight person with AIDS) but I like Matthew McConaughey and it's fun seeing him be a highly regarded actor. I saw Surfer, Dude like four times and I always knew he had it in him.

It was weird that someone on the level of Corey Feldman was asked to present the biggest award, but that's how the Golden Globes rolls I guess.

And the Best Picture award went to... 12 Years a Slave!

It was a very good movie and deserves everything it gets. But director Steve McQueen (NOT the angel-face hunk who plays Jeremy on TVD, sorry to get your hopes up) seemed very overwhelmed by the situation and rightly so. Hollywood is baffling most of the time but especially this day.

AND THAT WAS IT! If you missed the broadcast, you missed nothing. If you didn't miss it, you experienced something akin to a vision quest. Your spirit animal was a blinkering teleprompter and your peyote was awkward tension. Did you find yourself? I did and I didn't like it and I may never be the same.

SEE YOU AT THE OSCARS WOOOOO!!


QUESTIONS

... Who cussed the best: Jacqueline Bissett, Diane Keaton, or Elizabeth Moss?

... Were Tina Fey and Amy Poehler better or worse than last year?

... Should Steve Coogan and his wife stop flaunting their love?

... What was the night's biggest upset in your opinion and nobody else's opinion please (I mean it!)?


Previously Aired Episode

AIRED ON 1/11/2015

Season 72 : Episode 1

118 Comments
Comments (94)
Submit
Sort: Latest | Popular
OK, now I've got the Who's song "Who Are You' running through my mind...
Reply
Flag
The same thing happened to me.
1
Reply
Flag
What's wrong with me? Why am I not finding these funny anymore?..
1
Reply
Flag
While watching the broadcast with my boyfriend (punishment for him getting too drunk the night before at a family engagement & making an ass out of himself - pretty sure after having to sit through the Globes he will not be a drunken idiot again) he asked me who the hell Taylor Kinney was & my reply "he dates Lady Gaga & was Uncle Mason on TVD"... Price, get out of my head!
1
Reply
Flag
i look forward to awards season every year just to see price do a photo recap THIS IS ALL I LIVE FOR
5
Reply
Flag
I will object to Robin Wright winning! Not only because that award was Tatiana Maslany's and no one elses but Kerry Washington and Taylor Schilling both gave MUCH better performances this year. She was the least deserving nominee and I'm pretty sure she only won because she was in movies once upon a time but...it's the Golden Globes so I guess you have to expect the awards to make no sense.
Reply
Flag
Oh thank god, I briefly thought that Price wasn't going to do a photo recap of this! I made the mistake, I think last year, of "glancing" at a photo recap of an award show while at work. I read the entire thing and was literally LOLing to myself with my hand over my mouth so as to muffle the many LOLs. Can't wait to read this.

PS Who r u
5
Reply
Flag
I love everything you write, but will have to deduct a few points here for the dig at Niki Lauda, because that dude is legitimately a legend.
Other than that, I could not agree more about Drew Barrymore being one of the good ones. It needs to be said more often.
2
Reply
Flag
Hahahaha, I experienced everything almost exactly as Pierce :P
For me, the biggest upset was not giving Tatiana Maslany the Best Drama Actress... I mean, she should get 3 (or 4 or 5) nominations for each character in Orphan Black!
Reply
Flag
I will see anything that stars Idina Menzel and Kristen Bell, belting out hits (super surprised at the voice of Ms Veronica Mars!!) You should see it just for those songs! And it's not a typical disney movie, and having watched it with a two yr old, was super happy that there was no real bad guy or scary parts (have you ever watched snow white get attacked by the woods or the voodoo devil in the new orleans one with a young kid? that is some uncomfortable shit!)
12 yrs a slave was just ok, there are FAR better movies on the subject, and really, it felt like a long summer (seasons never changed and he didn't age, we do have winter in the south, yes today is in the 70's in New Orleans, but I swear it was freezing last week!!!)
Reply
Flag
Kristen Bell stars in Frozen? Cool! I knew she had a good singing voice since seeing her sing "One day, or another, I'm gonna find ya, I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha" to the Tritans on Veronica Mars. :) Hmm, might have to watch those all again soon. . .
Reply
Flag
http://watch32.com/movies-online/frozen-5377
1
Reply
Flag
Thanks Price...didn't watch it but was probably way more entertained by your review than I would have been spending hours actually watching it. Great Job!
4
Reply
Flag
Frozen is a great movie! Of course I have a 2 year old who loves it and wants to watch it every day so I had to illegally download it... wait, no.

Reply
Flag
The best thing about the GG is reading your recap Price. LOLOLOL
3
Reply
Flag
And the Golden Globe for best photo recap goes to....
2
Reply
Flag
I seldom read photo recaps from start to finish and this is one of those times.
I have to say, this is probably the best awards show photo recap I have ever read.
Loved the charlie sheen Downtown Julie Brown joke. Also, Ben Affleck (Surviving Christmas). Classic.
Your brain deciding that Enlightened and The Comeback were the same.
Steeve Coogan and his wife.
These cracked me up.
3
Reply
Flag
NIce bunch of assholes and douchebags most of 'em...
1
Reply
Flag
Price is a hot sexy hunk biscuit!
4
Reply
Flag
Also I'm really tired of this "What, I won?? I can't believe it!" routine certain actors do every single time they win something. Looking at you Jennifer Lawrence. Everyone knew you were going to win so cut it.
2
Reply
Flag
Were they suppose to say "Yeah yeah i already know i won i mean how could i not win ? My performance was wayyyyy better !"

Grow up
Reply
Flag
I'm not talking about the acceptance speech, I'm talking about the moment their name is called and we see their reaction. Sometimes a huge smile would be more realistic than that typical "wow no way!!!!" reaction... but maybe that's just me then.
Reply
Flag
I thought Jared Leto's line about waxing was directed at other (probably straight) actors who actually had to wax their crotch for certain roles. Then again I've never heard of this movie, I didn't even know Jared Leto was acting again, so who knows.
Reply
Flag
Yeah, the Best Comedy or Musical Motion Picture category was just ridiculous, the only reason I can think of that those films would even be nominated for that award is because they dared not go up against the films in the Drama category.

Sure, American Hustle may have gone on too long and made a bit of a mess of itself, but it was a good film, and the acting was absolutely superb, so I was happy for all its awards. Jennifer Lawrence superb despite her limited screen time in comparison to her co-stars, and Amy Adams may have won
for doing a British accent with side-boobs', but she was very convincing so I'm fine with it. I would have preferred Her to win best Comedy or Musical over it though, but that won Best Screenplay, so it isn't all bad.

I'm a bit disappointed Christian Bale didn't win Best Actor though, he really deserved it. I'm happy for Leo, though, god knows he's been deserving of an award for years and hasn't received one until now, but unfortunately he didn't deserve it for The Wolf of Wall Street. Playing a massive douchebag can't be that hard, and it's even less impressive to watch (I mean, did anyone actually enjoy this film? I hated it!)

On the television side of things, it couldn't really go to anyone other than Breaking Bad and Bryan Cranston. I find it odd that Aaron Paul didn't get a win though, I wasn't a fan of Jesse's exaggerated persona in the last season myself, but it would have been nice for the series to have a trifecta bowing out.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine's and Andy Samberg's wins were surprising, but I like the show, and have to admit that fresh blood really does look quite appealing against aging favourites like Modern Family and The Big Bang Theory.

I doubt it'll ever happen, but Hayden Panettiere really needs to win an award of some kind for her portrayal of Juliette Barnes on Nashville.
More+
1
Reply
Flag
I love it - could we pls have a fake or real award show review like every 2 weeks? makes me so happy ;)
3
Reply
Flag
Okay, so maybe the Globes aren't the best, which is really unfortunate because they have the opportunity to be really good. If the writers took more time to develop skits/ parodies of the films, television series, actors, and actresses nominated they would be a hell of a lot better. They really have the opportunity to create a niche awards ceremony for those who actually watch and appreciate the medium of film and television, yet they try to cater to a broad demographic, which equates to minimal and low-brow comedy + boring speeches. It's such a shame.
1
Reply
Flag
Not disliking the review, but seriously...you're making fun (or being sarcastic, whatevs) about great great actors and then you're OK with McConaughey?
Sorry, but that's just messed up. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a good actor, but his speech was straight out of the I-fired-up-a-doobie hippie van. And I know for sure, I'm not the only one who noticed this.
Otherwise, I agreed with almost 70% with what you wrote.
Keep up the good work!
3
Reply
Flag
Haha the "who ru?" part was so funny!!

Tatiana Maslany deserved to win. Sadness =(
6
Reply
Flag
Brilliant review, Price! I watched the whole damned show, just imagining what you would write about it.
I am pathetic, I know. :P
5
Reply
Flag
Good stuff, sir. You are not the reason I don't watch this crap, but you are the reason I end up knowing a few things about it, so damn you and thank you in equal measure.

Remember when people didn't know Tom Cruise was awful? One day, Gywneth Paltrow will take that trip and it will be glorious. Oh, it's happening.

And I like Brooklyn Nine-Nine. It's the sarcastic Latina. She makes it work, and she even helps the show. Guess that's it. Next year?
3
Reply
Flag
I think Jacqueline Bisset said go to hell AND never come back not or which may have led to your confusion Price
Reply
Flag
Way too many snubs and ridiculous winners...Jennifer Lawrence is the most overrated actress of all time...geez...
But man, Price...you must've spent like 4-5 hours on this...props yo!
2
Reply
Flag
Y'know, If you squint your eyes enough, that pic of Tom Hanks way up at the top looks like he's sporting a really tall, lopsided fauxhawk.
Reply
Flag
ray donovan is great except for ray donovan. voight along with the rest of the supporting cast made for solid viewing.

amy poehler is second only to tina fey. she had better win. going back and watching SNLs that had stand-out actors like poehler, fey and wiig is depressing given the current state of the show. maybe the black chicks wil help set things right.

brooklyn nine nine absolutely brought some of if not the biggest laughs this season. i'll give you that the two hsipanic chicks feel a bit more like props than characters at times but they are easy on the eyes, talented enough and aren't the only cast members treated as props.

I didn't watch the show. I did last year after reading your review and was disappointed by how little fey and poehler were featured. glad I find out what happened without sitting through it and get the added benefit of your humor by just reading this. thanks! see you on oscar night?
1
Reply
Flag
I decided long ago to not pay much attention to who wins or loses. Award shows are about pretty people in pretty clothes being funny and/or awkward. What offended me about Michael Douglas's speech is that he didn't follow through with the Melissa-McCarthy-thinks-she's-Matt-Damon joke. Even Matt Damon wanted him to. And since you asked, the biggest upset for me was Parks & Rec's loss to Brooklyn Nine-nine.
2
Reply
Flag
I love Brooklyn Nine Nine and despite that I was super duper surprised that they won. Happy but surprised. And Andy Samberg winning was like what?! but oh well good for him and i guess i do laugh the most at him but mostly with him and the captain.
5
Reply
Flag
FYI the George Clooney - Gravity joke was a cut and paste from SNL a while ago. With Seth Meyers' approval, obviously.
1
Reply
Flag
OMG I'm totally skipping awards shows from now on and just reading your picture captions. Laughed the hardest I've laughed in a while!
4
Reply
Flag
Tina/Amy hosting and a good year of films made this pretty watchable, despite the dress rehearsal production. Oh, and Tatiana losing.
2
Reply
Flag
I always come here to see what legal terms you're going to use to dismiss the competitors of AHS.
1
Reply
Flag
You mean Modern Family didn't win AND the sun still came up today?
16
Reply
Flag
The highlight of the night to me was Tina's comment about "special place in hell". BURN Taylor Swift! And of course Amy Poehler's victory.
3
Reply
Flag
(1) If you hate the show Ray Donovan, that is fine, but Voight was truly great as Micky. Aaron Paul probably deserved it more but the hate towards Voight is not justifiable really.

(2) In mine and nobody else's opinion and in the opinion of every parallel universe that existst etc. it was a crime against humanity that Wright won over Margulies, Schilling and Maslany. Lock'em up, these foreign press guys, and make'em watch the shows before lettin'em vote.

(3) Then again, who cares, the awards are a mess anyway.
1
Reply
Flag
The montage of "Who r u"'s was, quite possibly, the greatest thing ever. Also, Emma Stone really is the best.
9
Reply
Flag
Ben Affleck to Matt Damon, "Who R U"
5
Reply
Flag
I was kind of upset Aaron Paul didn't win, but I would have been okay if Corey Stoll won instead. I also really wanted Tatiana Maslany to win, but again Robin Wright is terrific in House of Cards so it is hard to get too upset. Amy and Tina were perfect. Also, it happened before the show, but Elisabeth Moss flipping off E!'s manicam was the best thing ever. Overall, the Golden Globes are just very weird. Very, very weird and I don't know why I watch them.
4
Reply
Flag
Vintage Price, loved this recap a lot. I almost wish I'd been able to watch the awards but not really.
8
Reply
Flag
Uh...it would be weird to object to Matthew winning because he's white and straight anyway. I think a story about a straight person with AIDS is a good way of breaking the idea that it's a 'gay' disease, since stories about AIDS tend to revolve around gay people rather than straights anyway.

Reply
Flag
Aaron Paul should've won instead of Jon Voigt. And are you implying Jared didn't deserve the award because he's straight? o_O
3
Reply
Flag
Staff
I did not imply that, no.
5
Reply
Flag
I guess I don't really get what you were criticizing about him. XD
Reply
Flag
The fact that straight actors who play gay people, later need to say every time they are not gay. I think...
10
Reply
Flag
I can kind of understand being a bit insecure. Not everyone is at the same comfort level about sexualities different from what they're familiar with. Understanding that is the best way to get people on your side.
1
Flag
For some reason, most of these people look extremely symmetrical, especially Emma Stone.
Reply
Flag
Staff
It's celebrity law.
12
Reply
Flag
So true!
Reply
Flag
Price, I love your recaps, and this was absolutely hilarious, but this post felt ungodly long and drawn out, so I'm incredibly grateful I didn't actually watch the Awards and thank you for taking one for the whole team and sitting through it for all of us!
2
Reply
Flag
Staff
I actually agree with you 100% this thing was unnecessarily long.
2
Reply
Flag
Corey Feldman? oO
Reply
Flag
Staff
He owes me like $35
1
Reply
Flag
You should publish your diary.. We would love to read it.
3
Reply
Flag
Staff
Okay I'll think about it, but I might have to go to jail afterward because my ideas are VERY dangerous to society.
4
Reply
Flag
Well Price you have sewn up the most stupid comment on tv.com award for 2014 and it is only January with "I thought Man of Steel was better than American Hustle.
1
Reply
Flag
it was a joke
Reply
Flag
Staff
I never said I was smart. But I did really love Man of Steel and think American Hustle was overrated.
15
Reply
Flag
While I don't particularly agree with you Price. I must say, you have major guts for saying that in public.
Reply
Flag
This comment has been removed.
Reply
Flag
Ah, been waiting for this all day. Thanks Price, hilarious as usual!
4
Reply
Flag
Staff
Thank you!
2
Reply
Flag
I don't think Leto's or Douglas' speeches were that terrible or homophobic. Leto's joke was basically the same of DiCaprio's supermodel's vagina, either you get offended by both or by none.
Reply
Flag
Staff
Oh I'm definitely not objective. I just tend to get sensitive when people imply that they are super grateful to not be like me.
10
Reply
Flag
Load More Comments
Follow this Show
Members
176