The liquor stores around Hollywood are all sold out of hooch, so you know what that means... the Golden Globes are happening! Tonight, the entertainment industry's liquor-lubed awards show celebrates it 71st round of trophy-dispensing from Los Angeles, and we'll be updating the winners in real time right here. So if you can't be around a TV set or pry yourself away from Betrayal, keep refreshing this page for updates. Who will embarrass themselves at the podium? Which starlet will show too much of her lady parts? Which big name couldn't be bothered to show up? Who will be the drunkest? Will anyone there be drunker than me? All these questions will be answered tonight, so pour yourself a drink and let's get this party started!
Bored during a commercial? Check out our Golden Globes Red Carpet gallery!
The Golden Globes are airing live on NBC starting at 8pm Eastern/5pm Pacific.
BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
Breaking Bad WINNER!
The Good Wife
House of Cards
Masters of Sex
Creator Vince Gilligan accepts the award and he's the best. It's a fact. He even had Aaron Paul come up to say, "Yeah Bitch!"
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad WINNER!
Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan
Michael Sheen, Masters of Sex
Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
James Spader, The Blacklist
The Breaking Bad table was all the way back in the lobby of the hotel, but Cranston still made it up to the podium to deliver a solid acceptance speech.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black
Taylor Schilling, Orange Is the New Black
Kerry Washington, Scandal
Robin Wright, House of Cards WINNER!
BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
The Big Bang Theory
Brooklyn Nine-Nine WINNER!
Parks and Recreation
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Jason Bateman, Arrested Development
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Michael J. Fox, The Michael J. Fox Show
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Andy Samberg, Brooklyn Nine-Nine WINNER!
NO COMMENT. But then again, who SHOULD have won? This was not a strong category.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Lena Dunham, Girls
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation WINNER!
Bono gave Poehler a shoulder rub as her name was called, and now the internet can rest easy knowing that Amy Poehler has a trophy in her home.
BEST MINISERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
American Horror Story: Coven
Behind the Candelabra WINNER!
Dancing on the Edge
Top of the Lake
The White Queen
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Matt Damon, Behind the Candelabra
Michael Douglas, Behind the Candelabra WINNER!
Chiwetel Ejiofor, Dancing on the Edge
Idris Elba, Luther
Al Pacino, Phil Spector
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Helena Bonham Carter, Burton & Taylor
Rebecca Ferguson, The White Queen
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Coven
Helen Mirren, Phil Spector
Elisabeth Moss, Top of the Lake WINNER!
Moss wins and thanked her mom. But she wasn't nearly drunk enough. 6/10, Moss!
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINISERIES, OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Josh Charles, The Good Wife
Rob Lowe, Behind the Candelabra
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
Corey Stoll, House of Cards
Jon Voight, Ray Donovan WINNER!
Angelina Jolie's dad won for a show that shouldn't have been nominated in the first place. Why? Ummm...
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINISERIES, OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Jacqueline Bisset, Dancing on the Edge WINNER!
Janet McTeer, The White Queen
Hayden Panettiere, Nashville
Monica Potter, Parenthood
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Bisset wins for Dancing on the Edge, the most publicity that some Starz movie called Dancing on the Edge has ever received. Admit it: You didn't know what it was. And you had about five hours to think about it while Bisset walked to the stage. Bisset also gave an amazing acceptance stare before launching into something that may have been a speech.
For the full list of the 2014 Golden Globes winners (read: to find out who won the movie awards), head over to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's website.
What did you think of the ceremony? How did Tina Fey and Amy Poehler do as hosts? Who deserved their awards, and who was snubbed? Let us know in the comments!