Gossip Girl

Dan: I don't think Mom is a big fan of surprises. Remember her 30th birthday, with the clown and his llama?

(Dan's phone starts vibrating) Serena: There's something vibrating in your pocket and I really hope it's your phone.

Jenny: (throwing the keys at Blair) Catch! Blair (catches them, looking stunned) Jenny? (smiles) Well, well. Looks like you came to play after all. You know this trundle bed is yours. (patting gently an empty bed nearby) Sleep time. You've earned it. Jenny: Actually I'm going home, but thanks for inviting. It was a blast. Blair: What do you mean you're going home? Nobody ever leaves the sleepover. Jenny: I guess there's a first for everything. Uh, and I'm gonna keep the jacket. That's okay with you? (Blair raises her eyebrows, speechless) Monday? Lunch on Met's steps? Blair: (in disbelief) Done and done.

Jenny: The Humphrey men do casual Friday everyday.

Lillian: (notices a photo on the wall and laughs) Are you still the same guy you were when I took this photo? Rufus: What? You took that photo? You weren't even at that show! Lillian: Oh, excuse me? If I remember the first song was about me. The second one was about your... motorcycle. And then there was the one about... that surf town. What was it? Rufus: Saya Lida.

Rufus: Why did you give up photography anyway? You loved it so much. Lillian: Well, I guess I figured uh... social claim would be more fulfilling. I even remember the black dress I wore that night. Rufus: Really? Lillian: Yeah. Rufus: I think it may have actually been blue. Lillian: I thought you said you didn't remember me being there. (Rufus smiles) (phone rings) Rufus: Can you grab that alone? If it's my son, be nice to him! Lillian: (smiles and answers) Hello? Humphrey residence... (Lillian's smile fades away) Hi Allison.

Lillian: Thank for babysitting me. And thank you for being such a good friend. Rufus: Yeah. It was almost fun.

Serena: (referring to Erik) I... I've gotta take him back to the center. So, we should just probably call it the night. Dan: What? No, no, no. I'll go with you. Serena: No, it's okay. You don't have to. Dan: I want to. Come on, let's go.

Dan: What is wrong with you? This is not who you are. Jenny: And who are you right now? Dad? Dan: Uh, we're not doing this right now. We can do this at home. Let's go. Jenny: Except I'm not going home. I'm going with my friends. Blair: (from the street) Coming, Jenny! Jenny: (to Blair) Yeah, one second! (to Dan) Look, all right, I'm sorry that things got out of hand tonight. Dan: To say the least. Jenny: I know who Blair and those girls are. But I know who I am and I'm not gonna forget this just 'cause I hang out with them. Blair: Come on... We're leaving! Jenny: (to Blair) I'm coming. (to Dan) Just let me go, please. I mean, I'll be tucked in bed in a half an hour. I promise. Dan: Uh, yeah. Yeah, go ahead. Jenny: Thank you!

(about stealing a jacket at Eleanor Waldorf's) Jenny: Blair, it's your mom's store. I mean, you can get everything you want. Blair: So can you. Unless you don't want to. Which is totally understandable. And I wouldn't judge you for that. Jenny: I don't get it. Blair: Then you don't have to do it. It's just a shame 'cause you've come so far. Jenny: The jacket? Blair: Just the jacket.

Gossip Girl: This just in, "Truth or Dare" has gone into overtime. Looks like no one told Little J you don't beat the Waldorf's at their own game.

Blair: Uh, call me! (starts get going) Serena: Yeah, I will. Blair: (turns back) I was talking to Erik! (Serena and Erik smile)

Erik: It was worth it. To be out after dark and to talk to someone who wasn't just you or Mom. Even if this is Blair. (to Blair) No offense. Blair: None taken. Serena: Well, I'm sorry this was the only way. We'll work on Mom, okay? Erik: Thanks.

Gossip Girl: With everything from trundle beds to truffles in place, all that's missing is sleepover star and Waldorf BFF, Serena Van der Woodsen.

(After Blair makes out with that guy in the bar) Blair: (holding up the guy's phone) Look what I got! I dare you to call his girlfriend, her name's Amanda. Jenny: Done and done. (into phone) Hello? Amanda, hi this is Bl-Claire I just had my tounge down your boyfriend's throat and he neglected to tell me you existed until after it was over. Just thought I'd let you know, he's a real catch!

Lily: I have a situation here Rufus: A situation, your son is with your daughter and my kid, I trust them, why don't you? Lily: Rufus! Rufus: Goodbye Lily, always a pleasure.

Blair: (about Jenny's new fancy outfit) Even I am impressed. Jenny: I don't know. I mean, I don't really... feel right. Blair: As my mother always says, fashion knows none about comfort. All that matters is the face you show the world. And your face looks like it's going to Bar Mitzvah. But before we continue the renovation. (hands Jenny a glass) Martini. Jenny: Uh, no thanks. I don't like vodka. Blair: Well, that's too nice because this is gin. As it should be. It's a party, Jenny.

Rufus: You haven't changed a bit. You always have to be in control. Lillian: Well, I don't remember you complaining. Rufus: I wasn't allowed to. It was one of your rules. Lillian: Yeah, well, I may hold the reins a little tight but life is complicated. Especially once you have kids. You know, when they're little you are their whole world and then one day the wall goes up and you're on one side and they're on the other. Rufus: Well, they don't like to admit it but they want us to break through. Lillian: Yeah, maybe Serena. But Eric... I don't know what he wants. Rufus: You've a lot of concerns about a 14-year-old boy breaking curfew. Lillian: Well, it's not my curfew. It's breaking. He's been staying at the Ostroff Center. Rufus: Ostroff Center? (Lillian nods) Drugs? Drinking? Lillian: Uhm no, he is not a bad kid. He is just... Just, uhm... a lonely one. Rufus: Depression. Is it bad? Lillian: Bad enough to try to kill himself. Rufus: I'm sorry. Lillian: No, I don't know why. I don't know what I did. Or I didn't do. But... I just don't know what to do to make sure that doesn't happen again. Rufus: All you can do is be there for them.

Lillian: I will take something to eat. Thank you for offering. (Rufus looks at her) What? You still know how to cook, don't you?

Eric: Hey Mom. I'm sorry about tonight. Lillian: Oh, we'll talk about it in the morning. After you had a good night sleep in your own bed. Eric: I'm going home? Lillian: I'm not sure exactly how this is gonna work, you know. Eric: I'm not worried. (smiles) It's a good thing I didn't unpack.

Lillian: So, I made some calls but as it turns out none of my people know your people. Shocking but true. Either Dan Humphrey is an alias or your son is not very popular. Regardless, I need that number. Rufus: I realized after I got off the phone with you I could've been a little bit more understanding. Lillian: You think- Rufus: I called Dan. Lillian: Thank you! Rufus: And your son's not with them. Lillian: He's not? Rufus: But Serena got Eric on the phone and he's okay, and Dan said he would phone when they were all together. Lillian: And you didn't think to call and tell me all of this? Rufus: I was just about to. Now I hate to say this, but why don't you sit and wait here? We should hear from them soon. Lillian: Fine. And I'll pass on that non-premium liquor that you're drinking. But I will take something to eat, thank you for offering. (Rufus stares) What? You still know how to cook, don't you?

(Rufus calls Allison) Alexander: Hello? Rufus: (Rufus hangs up, then laughs) What am I? A teenager?

Dan: Big shopping day? Lillian: I had a lot on my mind. (Dan smiles) So, where are you taking my daughter tonight? Dan: I... I don't know. Maybe we'll do a walking tour of New York underground.

Dan: (to Rufus) Dad, this is Serena van der Woodsen. I can't just take her to a movie. I want this to be... perfect.

Gossip Girl: With Blair's boyfriend Nate helping to close up the family yacht for the season, Blair is free to focus on the most important event of the fall. Her annual sleepover. A tradition since year 2000, each one more decadent than the last. No expense or reputation is spared.

Eric: I can't believe it. You want to keep me here forever! Lillian: If you still think I'm keeping you here, that just proves how not ready you are to come home. (Pause) Look, we'll talk about this tomorrow. Eric: Yeah. You bet we will.

Blair: (to her sleepover friends) Uh, a girl's first sleepover. (referring to Jenny) Something she'll never forget. Let's make sure of it.

Blair: My answer is usually never say never, but for you I'll make an exception.

(Talking about their date plan while playing pool) Dan: Slight change of plans Serena: No, no, no, no change of plans I like this plan of you teaching me the angles. Dan: I know. Serena: Remember? Cute girl with total lack of pool skills. Dan: I remember, so does the table.

Blair: Truth or Dare, oh and you already used your truth. Jenny: So dare?

Gossip Girl: Word is: Jenny Humphrey killed at Blair Waldorf's sleepover. It was a debut the likes of which haven't been seen since Blair herself. If Blair's got to watch her back, Serena needs to keep an eye on her heart. We hear it may have been stolen by Lonely Boy. Putting out an APB. Gossip Girl.

Serena: What were you thinking? Blair: He was bored. He wanted to get out and have some fun. Serena: So you took him to a bar? Blair: He didn't do anything wrong. I thought you'd be happy. Serena: I'm not, okay. I can't believe that you did this. Eric: (walking up to them) Hey, I wasn't kidnapped, Serena. I left on my own free will. Blair was trying to do me a favor. Blair: Told you. Serena: Well, it's no favor, Eric. You're in a lot of trouble. Eric: Yeah, I know. And you know what? It was worth it.

Gossip Girl: Spotted -- Big brother to the not quite rescue. Too bad no one told him, you can't save the damsel if she loves her distress.

(as Dan and Serena are about to kiss) Serena: There's something vibrating in your pocket, and I really hope it's your phone.

Rufus: (answering the phone) This better not be my wife. Lillian: Rufus! You always answer the phone like that?!

(after eating their meals and Dan asks the waiter for the check) Serena: Um, actually, I already took care of that earlier. Dan: What? Serena: Yeah, I, I just charged it on my mom's card. It's not a big deal, don't worry about it. Dan: You know, I can pay. It's not like I don't have the money. Serena: Yeah, I'm sure you do. You just shouldn't have to spend it here. Dan: I don't understand. Did I do something wrong? Serena: No. Look, I wanted a date with you, just not the date you thought I wanted. It's fine. Dan: Alright, alright. (loosening his tie) Well, then. If it's a real Dan Humphrey date that you want, then it's a real Dan Humphrey date that you're gonna get. Let's go. Serena: Really? Dan: Yeah. (stands up and offers his arm) Mademoiselle? Gossip Girl: Spotted fleeing dessert -- S and Lonely Boy, lighter than air and heading downtown.

Blair: Alright, who's ready for a game of Truth or Dare? Jenny: Oh, I love Truth or Dare. Once, I had to eat an entire bag of marshmallows. Blair: That's nice, Little Humphrey. But, um, that's not how we play. Jenny: Well, um, how do you play? Jenny (after seeing Isabel and Kati kiss): I think I'll go truth.

Blair (scene cuts to Jenny wearing a red dress): Too Beyoncé. Blair (scene cuts to Jenny wearing sunglasses and a big scarf): Too Mary-Kate. Blair (scene cuts to Jenny wearing a denim jacket): Too Hannah Montana.

Gossip Girl: Here's an inside tip, Little J. The faster you rise, the harder you fall. Hope that Hello Kitty sleeping bag doubles as a parachute.

Gossip Girl: Spotted on the steps of the Palace -- Cinderella stepping onto a pumpkin instead of her carriage. Lucky for Lonely Boy, there's more than one stable filling our inbox.

Lillian: (as Serena and Dan are leaving for their date) Home by one o'clock? Bonus points for twelve forty-five.

Dan (explaining to Serena's mom why he never stops talking): I'm sorry. I don't know why I just said anything like that. I have, I have this thing, like a nervous tick. My mouth never stops speaking, in like, ever. In fact when I was a little boy, my mom used to say there was never a word I met that I didn't like. You know what else I like? Your daughter. I, I really like your daughter. (turns around to see Serena wearing a black dress) Dan: Wow.

Lillian: (referring to Dan) It makes jokes. Cute.

Dan: (while Serena is changing her clothes) It's a nice place you and 800 people have got here. Serena: Yeah, the, uh, identical surroundings do make you a little crazy after a while. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a secret government experiment. Dan: Most government experiments don't have plasma TVs and maid services. Just something I've noticed.

Serena: Blair, what are you talking about? Blair: S, it's only the most important night of the fall. Serena: Oh, the sleepover. Blair: I prefer soirée. "Sleepover" is so sophomore year. Serena: Wait, you know I can't go to that. I have that plan. Blair: Serena, when there's a Waldorf soirée there is nothing else on the social calendar. Serena: Blair, the plan is Dan. Remember, the guy you realize is actually a human being and worthy of your time and attention. (turns to Jenny) No offense. Jenny: None taken. Serena: (turning back to Blair) Look, I'm really sorry. But this date is unbreakable. Maybe we can swing by later or something-- Blair: I am not a stop-along-the-way, I am a destination. And if you refuse to attend, I'm gonna have to find a replacement. (holding out her hand) Girls, the waiting list. Serena: Okay. Well, uh, I should get going. Bye. (Blair waves at her with a frown on her face)