Gossip Girl

Blair: (to Nate) I wouldn't have come to this party if I knew I wasn't VIP. Nate: The important thing is that Chuck knows we're here for him.

Gossip Girl: (closing voiceover) The problem with inheritance, is that it's not always as simple as it sounds. Sometimes you get more than you bargained for. Or you discover that in gaining one thing, you've lost something else. But every once in a while, the fates smile upon you, and you get the one thing you really need. XOXO. Gossip Girl.

Blair: (to Chuck) I believed in you. Your father believed in you. You're the only one that didn't. All I wanted to do is just be there but today when you called me your wife, made it sound like the ugliest word in the world.

Gossip Girl: Hold on to your floppy cable-knit hats, kids. Lonely Boy's secret is out and this one's a doozie. D wasn't cheating, but there's definitely a third party involved. Seems D and S share a sibling. While I'm always a fan of star-crossed lovers, at least Romeo and Juliet didn't share DNA.

Blair: (to Serena) Spare me those expressive eyebrows. I can't wait til you get botox.

Penelope: You stole Dan Humphrey's phone? Not bad, Nelly, at this rate you'll be off probation before your second marriage.

Chuck: Your blessing means a lot to me. Jack: Good. Now before we start spooning, I want to take you out tonight to properly celebrate.

Vanessa: Hey, I'm thinking one pink can of gummy worms and another of Swedish fish. Dan: Is this how you and Nate want to celebrate two months of dating? With all things gummy?

Serena: I see they act alone now. Blair: (looking at Penelope, Isabel and Hazel) It's so hard finding obedient minions.

Serena: (reading Gossip Girl on Blair's phone) Nothing yet on Lonely Boy though we did find out he brown-bags it for lunch and today's plat du jour, a tuna sandwich. Disgusting but not enough for a conviction. Keep digging, kiddies. Blair: Tuna fish? Why does he make it so hard for himself?

Blair: (to Serena) Apparently, Gossip Girl is looking for evidence that Dan's cheating on you. Not that anyone else would ever want Dan Humphrey. No offence.

Jack: (talking about Chuck on the phone) What do you say we throw him a party to celebrate his running the company. Blair: Why not celebrate Bart dieing, that would be just as tasteless.

Chuck: Look, I owe you a lot Jack. You saved my life when I didn't want to be saved. Jack: Well, you noticed that Thai waitress I was going to take on the other night had a penis. Consider us even.

Gossip Girl: (voiceover) Is lowly Lonely Boy cheating on our queen? Sound unlikely? Does the name Georgina ring a bell? Get out your shovels and start digging the dirt, kids. Gossip Girl's gonna need a little help getting to the bottom of this mess.

Serena: (talking about Lily) She usually is pretty honest about these things. Well a little too honest, actually. Supposedly Sarkozy was a bad kisser. Dan: Yeah, well, that's a relief. Not the thing about Sarkozy. That's kind of disappointing.

Jenny: (to Erik and Jonathan) Oh, did you guys know that you have matching backpacks? It's so cute.

Blair: Your dad wrote you a letter? You have to read it. Nate: Yeah. Aren't you curious to know what it says? Chuck: I think I can guess. You're a disappointment of a son. I'd die of embarrassment if I wasn't already. Why do you wear so much purple?

Lawyer: Now Charles, your Uncle Jack Bass is your closest living relative and, as such, has been named as your legal guardian. Are you comfortable with this? Chuck: (to Jack) Curfew? Jack: None. Chuck: Girls sleeping over? Jack: Yes, please. Chuck: I'll allow it.

Jack: Come out with me tonight. Blair: I told you I'm not interested. Jack: Didn't seem that way on New Year's. Blair: Whatever may have transpired between us, what's important is what it means to me. Which is nothing.