Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl: As summer comes to an end, I'd like to share a few things I've learned about fun in the sun. Gossip Girl's guide to summer fun tip #1: Don't fall asleep on the job. The best hookups are free of morning breath and awkward conversation. The only thing better than making up... is waking up.

Serena: I'm just a little... Dan: Overwhelmed? Serena: Confused.

Serena: I just think that we should... think, before we get back together. Dan: I thought this meant we were back together.

Serena: (to Dan) Okay. I will see you back in the city. Fully clothed. With lots of people around. Okay?

Gossip Girl: Summer Tip #2. There is no "we" in summer. Only "u" and "me".

Blair: (to Marcus) Don't worry. I'm well versed in your lordly ways. And I'm ready to meet the queen... which I also just watched on DVD.

Blair: I have to get back to the city. Senior year awaits. Marcus: Let's see. Beautiful girl. Autumn in New York. I think I can find some way to entertain myself. My family will be happy I'm staying in one place for awhile.

Serena: And you really expect me to believe this isn't all about revenge on Chuck? Blair: Revenge is so 12 hours ago!

Blair: Just because Marcus is the perfect post-Bass palate cleanser doesn't mean he isn't a tasty dish of his own!

Serena: Blair Waldorf, a fling? You're not exactly low maintenance.

Blair: Squash? I'll squash YOU. Chuck: It's just a game, Blair. Blair: Not to me, Basshole. I like him! Chuck: So do I. And apparently he doesn't have too many friends.

Gossip Girl: Summer Tip #3. Take time to stop and smell the flowers. It's true that all good things must come to an end. August is no exception. They don't call it Fall for nothing.

Catherine: (leaving voicemail) Nate, it's Catherine. Last night... was not smart. In fact, it was very, very stupid. Which is why we're going to have to be much more clever when we get back to the city. Call me when you get this.

Gossip Girl: Cheers to that, Blair. Nothing says welcome home like a bottle of bubbly... or a scandal bubbling.

Nate: No offense, but don't you think you're a little outmatched? Chuck: At squash? I've been playing my father since 8th grade, how good can Marcus be? Nate: No, I mean as a guy. Blair wants to be a princess and your greatest achievement is owning PART of a burlesque club. Chuck: Which is why I have to get to know him. No one is that perfect. Once I get him outta the way, I'll have a clear shot with Blair. Nate: You know it's love when you start talking like an assassin. Chuck: I think you're jealous of my new best friend!

Rufus: Does this place actually serve coffee, or what? Vanessa: Yes, it does!

Marcus: No one's ever good enough. I've dated a lot of top-flight girls and she always sends them running. She gets inside their heads, figures out their worst fears and then... Chuck: Ruthlessly exploits that fear. Sounds rough.

Gossip Girl: Spotted, Chuck Bass putting his new BFF on speed dial. Is it the beginning of a beautiful bro-mance? Or the end of Blair's bid to be British?

Serena: Well, if you can't find common ground with a dictator, I don't know who can. Blair: Dan likes soccer, right? Or football, as Marcus calls it? Think it would be too weird if he came? Serena: Not... necessarily ... Blair: Good, you'll call him? Serena: Does this mean you actually think Dan has a redeeming quality? Blair: As long as knows his arse from his Arsenal, I think he's aces.

Serena: This could be a good opportunity for us to talk about things, I'm still kind of down about the breakup... Blair: What is there to talk about? You're finally free of Downer Dan and I've got my old Serena back!

Dan: I was just thinking about... this morning... on the bus... Serena: Yeah, we didn't exactly stick to the plan, did we?

Nate: They're obviously just trying to scare us to get me to rat out my Dad. Vanessa: You do know where he is, right? Nate: Yeah but... I couldn't. Not even after what he's done. Vanessa: Just had to put it out there... But I promise if worse comes to worse, my sister and I can give your mom pointers on how to do more with less. (Nate laughs)

Catherine: Charles Bass? Chuck: (pauses) I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone so young... or so beautiful. Catherine: Just because I didn't give birth to Marcus doesn't mean I'm any less interested in his well-being.

Dan: (to Serena, about Blair/Marcus) So, she actually refers to him as The Lord?

Chuck: I thought you might like to meet my friend. Blair: Why, so she can warn me bout the effects of too much botox? Catherine: Blair, is it? I'm Duchess Beaton. Blair: (flabbergasted) Duchess? Nice to meet you.

Blair: Duchess? I'm so sorry, for what I said about the botox. Your work is flawless.

Blair: I know you're here with Chuck, and I can only imagine what he said about me. Limo sex, social torture, freshmen, blackmail. But I assure you, there's an explanation for all of it. Catherine: Save your breath, Blair. Chuck didn't tell me a thing. Blair: He didn't. Catherine: I told him it didn't make any difference to me, because ... despite your best efforts, which are completely transparent, by the way, Marcus will never end up with a lowly Waldorf.

Gossip Girl: What's this? Chuck's date and Blair's date are mother and son? And Nate and Blair are exes? And Nate and the mother are in a book club? Now there's a novel plot twist.

Serena: This is you. Just be yourself! Blair: (after being humiliated by Catherine) She made Waldorf rhyme with Spears! I may as well have gone commando and held my party at Nyla's Burger Basket. Serena: Fine. While you stand here and feel sorry for yourself and denigrate the fine people of Kentwood, I'm gonna go find Dan.

Serena: (makes move on Dan) What do you say we ... just forget thinking and... follow our hearts. Dan: You sure that's your heart you're following?

Blair: (sees Nate and Catherine on the floor) Oh my effing God!

Jenny: What about you, Dad? You were the one on the great American road trip? Any good stories? Rufus: Oh, well, there's no place like home. Dan: That's profound.

Blair: Your plan to ruin me totally backfired. Turns out Marcus' mommy is even sicker than you are. Chuck: You got along great?

Gossip Girl: Summer vacationers traverse the globe in search of new sights and experiences. But when it comes to scandal, I'll take Manhattan every time. Welcome home, Upper East Siders. You know you missed me. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

Gossip Girl: Spotted! Chuck Bass putting his new BFF on speed-dial. Is it the beginning of a beautiful bro-mance? Or the end of Blair's bid to be British.

Serena: So you love him.(about Marcus) Blair: Very much, and not only because Tom Hanks gave him a clean x and lady D's funeral.

(Blair talks to Serena on the phone about her new boyfriend) Blair: It's like "Roman Holiday", only I'm Gregory Peck and he's Audrey Hepburn.