Gossip Girl

Serena: It's a tough week. Dan: Not for me, apparently. Serena: Oh, you got an usher position? Dan: No I didn't. In an ironic though not totally unexpected twist, Nate got the one I wanted.

Serena: I really want to believe that was an accident. Blair: Then you must be delusional.

Serena: Blair, what the hell was that? Blair: Will you excuse us, please? Serena: So we good now, we square? Blair: No. Because nothing I do will ever be as bad as what you did to me. Serena: Look, I'm asking you please. I'll stop if you will. Blair: You're just saying that because today you lost, and your gonna keep losing. Now if you'll excuse me, unlike you I have a future to get back to.

Jenny: We're Humphreys Dad. Not exactly royalty uptown. Rufus: You okay with that? Jenny: No, but I'm used to it.

Blair: My father left my mother for a 31-year-old model. A male model

Gossip Girl: Super-successful parents expect nothing less from their offspring. And when it comes to college, that means the Ivies. It's more than just getting into college, it's setting a course for the rest of your life. And those who aren't legacies are no exception. When parents have sacrificed for their children, what kid would want to let them down?

(Blair's phone rings and she answers it) Blair: Finally. Chuck: (ironically) Hello to you too. I heard about the field hockey throw down: All those mouth guards and short skirts, I hope somebody filmed it. Blair: (scoffs) You're heinous. Chuck: Which is probably why you called. Blair: (smiles) You know me well. Chuck: Women like to pretend they're complicated, I know better. (Blair gets Isabel and Kati to leave the room by claiming she needs a heating pad) Blair: (once alone, she stands up) Serena came home for a reason. Chuck: One can only guess. Blair: Well I'm done guessing, I want answers and no one likes to be on the ground floor of a scandal like Chuck Bass. Chuck: I am a bitch when I wanna be. Blair: Opportunity to cause some trouble, uncover a secret. Chuck: I say yes for an answer. (Blair smiles and hangs up the phone) Chuck: (to his driver) Let's turn back to school, I left something important inside.

Erik: Serena is not a patient at the Ostroff Center. Blair: Erik. You've always been a sweet kid, and I can understand you're trying to protect your sister. Erik: I am. Blair: I've never even seen you take a drink. Erik: I'm not an alcoholic. I did this. (displays his scarred wrists) And today Serena protected me. Blair: Erik, I... I didn't... Erik: See that coming? Yeah. Must be a shock for someone who thinks she knows everything. Chuck: What was that all about? Gossip Girl: Another bomb launched in Blair's lap. Will she use it as ammunition or will she finally surrender and put down her arms? Blair: Nothing.

Dan: I appreciated it. All of this. Even if I sometimes don't show it. Rufus: We're real men, son. We don't like to share our feelings. But... (Pause) I know what you're capable of. And nothing, my last name, my bank account, is going to keep you from getting what you deserve. Not if I can't help it. (Pause) And I see that Dartmouth has an electro-acoustic music program. What do you think of me applying? Dan: What? Rufus: Yeah. Jenny's smart, can get earlier admission. (Pause) Maybe we'll all go! Dan: So not remotely funny.

Rufus: (to Dan, about Dartmouth's rep) You really impressed the guy, uh... Must be the way you poured those sodas.

Blair: (on stage, to everybody) Every year our schools choose to support one local institution that we feel benefits our community. This year our schools have chosen to honor the Ostroff Center. This semester our choice is a very personal one. Because the center has helped one of our own. Lillian: (whispering) What is going on here? Blair: It's because of their excellent program which aids so many young addicts and alcoholics that a student here with us today is clean and sober. At least for now. Can I please have Serena van der Woodsen joy me on stage? Gossip Girl: Spotted at the Ivy Week Mixer. S and B's last stand. And only one gets out alive. Better take cover. Lillian: Please, tell me this isn't happening. Eric: It's not. Serena: No. You're not going up there. You're gonna stay right here, okay? Lillian: Whatever you're doing, think about who is standing in this room right now. Blair: (whispering to Serena) Don't try to deny. Chuck saw you. Serena: (on stage, to everybody) Hi, I'm Serena van der Woodsen. I just wanna thank my friend, Blair Waldorf, for recognizing the Ostroff Center and all the good things that they do. Thanks Blair. At the center one of the main things that we learn is forgiveness.

Dan: You wanna go to Yale then? Serena: No, Brown. It's just this thing with Blair. Dan: Oh, I get it. I mean, since you don't have to actually worry about getting into college, why not make the entire evening about screwing over Blair? (Dan offers her a drink, since he is refreshment committee) Serena: No, thanks. (Nate comes over) Hey. (Nate doesn't say anything) You're seriously not going to talk to me? Like, literally, not speak. Nate: Hey. Serena: Oh, much better. (not pleased) Thanks guys. (goes away)

Chuck: Look who has arrived. Dr. Ostroff. (Pause) Blair, Dr. Donald Ostroff. Gossip Girl: Interesting choice of guests, B. Blair: (to Dr. Ostroff) Such a pleasure. I heard such wonderful things... Gossip Girl: Coincidence? I think not.

(About Erik, getting out of the treatment center) Lillian: He is not ready. Serena: He is not? Or you are not?

(About usher position) Nate: You get the one you wanted? Dan: No, no. Actually you did. Which makes total sense. Because I'm second in our class and you're somewhere around... last?

Rufus (About Dan's shaving ability): Hey, look at the bright side. You're not a hemophiliac.

Serena: Please, don't tell me it's over. Dan: What? You were there. I'd say it's pretty over. Serena: I meant the assembly.

Lillian: You shouldn't have stayed at your brother's again. I mean, why sleep there? It's not like he can even see you. His eyes are closed. Serena: Do you have one maternal bone in your entire body?

Dan (about Nate): Last year, I believe he had an original thought... It died of loneliness.

Gossip Girl: Honesty may be the best policy in some zip codes, but not this one, and not this week, cause "I was a teenage drug addict" is not exactly a winning college essay.

Dan: Sorry about the melodramatic entrance. Rufus: You didn't get it? Dan: No, I didn't get it. Rufus: And that I do not get. Dan: They gave it to Nate Archibald.

Gossip Girl: Hey Upper East Siders, we hear World War III just broke out, and it's wearing knee socks. Choose your side or run and hide, we have a feeling this one's till the death.

Ref: I'm running out of colors here, Blair. Serena: And I'm running out of patience, enough okay? Blair: It's enough when I say it's enough.

Blair: Whenever something is bothering you, I can always find you here. Serena: You're here for another catfight? (Pause) What's that? Blair: A letter. I wrote it to you when you were away at boarding school. I never sent it. (Pause) "Dear Serena, my world is falling apart and you're the only one who would understand. My father left my mother for a 31-year-old model. A male model. I feel like screaming because I don't have anyone to talk to. You're gone, my dad's gone, Nate's acting weird. Where are you? Why don't you call? Why did you leave without saying goodbye? You're supposed to be my best friend. I miss you so much. Love, Blair." Serena: Why didn't you send it? I would've... Blair: You would have what?! You knew, Serena. And you didn't even call. Serena: I didn't know what to say to you. Or even how to be your friend, after what I did... I'm so sorry. Blair: Erik told me what happened. I guess your family has been going through a hard time too. Gossip Girl: Spotted in Central Park, two white flags waving. Could an Upper East Side peace accord be far off? So, what would it be? Truce or consequences? We all know one nation can't have two Queens. What happens next? Only time will tell.

Lillian: Look, what's happened to Erik has put a huge strain on our family but... We are still a family. Serena: Why do you think I did what I just did?

Gossip Girl: Spotted S not so fashionably late and dressed down by B. Game on, ladies.

Chuck: (Showing pictures where Serena is getting out of the treatment center) Admit it. Even for me this was good. Blair: If you weren't such a perv, I'm sure the CIA would hire you in a second. Chuck: Defending my country. There's a future I never imagined. Blair: With good reason. What is she doing there? Chuck: What's anyone doing there? It's a facility for the disturbed or addicted. Blair: You must have your own wing. Chuck: You don't get nearly enough credit for your wit. Chuck: So the question is: What do you do now? Blair: Oh, I was thinking... Total social destruction. Chuck: And here I thought you were getting soft. (Blair grins at him)

Chuck: Why should I be chosen to be an usher? (prolonged pause) I'm Chuck Bass.

Gossip Girl: (about B and S) It takes two to tangle... and girls like these don't go down without a fight!