Yes, please.
9.0
So, the whole episode starts off with the skeavy Jack stepping out of a limo after a GG-speech about inheritence and money and looking just as one would expect him to: sort of awesomely wicked. It's set to "Mirror Error" by the Faint which is a really great song and also finishes off the episode which I have to say is a nice touch.
Blair approaches with the most disgusted look on her face in a long time, looking like she got too much botox or otherwise she would frown. They're gathered for the reading of the will, and Jack is fully intent on inheriting the power to run Bass Industries. And then Nate appears out of the blue, like the BFF he should've acted about an episode ago. No word on where he's been or why he hasn't been in touch before now, but whatever.
Then there's Dan and Jenny, and Jenny is refreshingly still in high school. I know, shocking. Also on their way to school is Serena and Eric, and Eric actually has a bit of plot in this episode, not just gay sidekick. He's not thrilled about Jenny latching onto him and Jonathan all the time, which I get, because I wouldn't want to hang out with Jenny too much either. Or at all, but y'know, no personal judgement.
Anyways, Chuck gets the power to run Bass Industries, which is sort of shocking to everyone [at least those who don't watch promos] and especially Jack, who's not turning that frown upside down anytime soon. But turns out he's more of a Bass than one might've bargained for, because throughout the episode he's a total sleaze who tries to bring Chuck down whenever he's not name-dropping prescription drugs for STDs.
So what is annoying couple no. 1 up to today? Well, Rufus and Lily are in Boston trying to track down their lost child, which is just terrific except for the fact that Lily hasn't mentioned the part about a child to her other two children, which isn't surprising for her. Seriously, that woman does not know how to care for her children. You would've thought she would've cleaned up her act after that talk with Eric but no, as soon as Bart is cold in the ground she's onto a new man. Or rather yet, the same one she hasn't been able to let go of for twenty very, very long years. The worst part about all this is that Serena and Eric don't even complain anymore, they just seemed used to the fact that their mom's not in town.
Complaining aside, Rufus and Lily don't have much luck finding their kid, so they go back to doing what they do best: hooking up. So much for Dan having a VdW woman alone for like, two seconds.
The mean girls decide that they've had enough of following after Blair, who in turn is attached to Chucks' hip, so they decide to dig up the dirt on Dan all by themselves and Nelly Yuki, who went from likeable to surprisingly mean in two episodes (though I have to admit it's really amusing) snatches Dan's cellphone when he and Vanessa are in a candy store.
Important things about this candy store: 1) Nate starts acting like the flip-floppy BFF that he really is, because even though there's like a huge brunch for Chuck he wants to celebrate his 2 month anniversary with Vanessa. Which I get, but why can't he do it later (it's a brunch for crying out loud, not a day-long thing). But the other important thing about the candy store scene is that Vanessa is not as annoying as usual! Normally I want to rip her apart whenever I see her with that holier-than-thou attitude, but she was quite tolerable in this scene.
So, the mean girls leak the dirt on Rufus and Lily: they have a kid and omgasp! That means that Dan and Serena, who've are back together for anyone who happened to blink or anything, share a sibling. Even Chuck and GG think this is taking it a bit too far.
Meanwhile, Bart hit Chuck's weak spot and made him believe that he had a boring life when he was in reality going to meet the smoking-hot Blair in what seemed more like a nightgown than a dress by calling her 'wife'. So he drags Chuck out on the town with three ... respectable ladies ... and the next day, at the big brunch Blair and Jack have thrown for him, he's wasted and still entertaining these respectable ladies up in the office. Blair's not happy about this, and neither is the board for Bass Industries. Then Chuck goes on to tell Blair to back off, which is probably the stupidest thing Chuck has done in the last week or so because seriously, Blair is the best thing to have happened to him.
Dan and Serena decide to try and work it out anyway, which isn't as icky as one would've thought, because Rufus and Lily met with the dad of the child who said that their son drowned a while ago. But no, he didn't really, because the parents are just afraid that Rufus and Lily would take their kid away. I can't blame them, because Lily's parenting has been messed up beyond belief before. This woman makes Eleanor look like Mom of the Year. Eric and Jenny have a little spat and then totally make up in a very teenagy and sweet way. Everything's sweet as soon as Eric's involved. That kid is so needed for this show, because the show needs genuinly likeable characters like him. Dorota and Cyrus are pretty loveable too, especially Dorota.
In other annoying news, Dan goes to the gallery to find Vanessa, and Nate gives him a speech about finding his real friends through hardness. So sweet, but then he goes and ruins it all by naming Dan as the true friend he was talking about. What the hell, Nate? Forgetting someone much? Like your BFF Chuck? Chuck and Blair are two of the most loyal people on this show, and if you hadn't been such an ass to both of them on different occasions you'd be able to see that. Shame on you, Nate. You haven't even talked to Dan since that little bromance with the football.
And then Chuck realises what a douche Jack is (an awesome douche, as Barney Stinson would say) and goes to apologize to Blair and they have an incredible scene. They always do. Blair tells him that she's done watching him self-destruct, and more power to her and all that, I just wish they would get back together already. My C/B heart is aching for some love.
But somehow, even though Chuck and Blair need to get back together, Rufus and Lily get that opportunity this episode. They come home to the loft and find Eric, Serena, Dan and Jenny being adorable and family-like and clasp hands. Yeah, way to forget that other kid of yours that used to be in your family too and needs your help, Lily. You might remember him? Named Chuck and you used to be married to his dad less than like, two months ago. No? Only Humphrey from now on? Ok, got it.
"But every once in a while, the fate smiles upon you and you get the one thing you truly need."
What I really need? Some love between Chuck and Blair, proper UES style. There's a reason Blair doesn't like Brooklyn.
xoxo