Gossip Girl Season 1 Episode 8

Alison: Hey, can we talk?
Dan: Well that depends, are-are you back for good?
Alison: I don't really know, your father and I haven't really had a chance to talk, so.
Dan: Well do you want to come back?

Blair: (On the phone) Hi, this is Blair Waldorf, I was wondering if any of the pieces I put on hold today were picked up. (other line responds) The diamond necklace. Okay, thank you. (looking up at the ceiling)Thank you, thank you!

Anne: May I remind you that it was your own rash actions that got us into this predicament.
Nate: We're in this predicament because dad has a drug problem. I was trying to help him.
Anne: Then help him.

Dan: Hey, Dad, Jenny (pause) and and-Mom?
Alison: Hey, honey.
Dan: Well, look at this. The whole family's together, eating waffles.
Jenny: Want one?
Dan: You bet. Just one question. Am I the only one who thinks this is extremely weird? I-I mean given everything?

Nate: (about his mom) She wants me to give Blair her ring.
Chuck: What? You guys broke up.
Nate: Yeah, I know. I mean wait, how did you know?
Chuck: Predictably, your ex ran the old, uh, grill-the-best-friend play.

Gossip Girl: Whoever thought monarchy was dead didn't realize it just changed zip codes. So, what will it be, Nate? Blair Waldorf's hand or your father's head?

(Gossip Girl voice over as Serena watches Chuck and Blair make-out on the bed)
Gossip Girl: Spotted: B turning a year older, but not necessarily wiser. Guess Chuck's the gift that keeps on giving. Blow out your candles, B; this'll be better in the dark. xoxo Gossip Girl.

(Blair is lying alone in her room after Nate fails to call her at midnight for her birthday. Chuck enters the room)
Blair: (sitting up) I'm not in the mood, Chuck. It's pretty much the worst birthday, ever.
Chuck: (pulling out a box from behind his back) Maybe it can be salvaged.
(He sits next to Blair on the bed)
Blair: (sighs) What's that, our sex tape?
(Chuck opens the box to reveal the diamond necklace Blair put on hold)
Blair: (eyes wide) It's the Erickson Beamon necklace.
(Chuck moves towards Blair with the necklace)
Blair: No. I couldn't.
Chuck: Yes, you can.
(He unclasps the necklace and places it gently around Blair's neck)
Chuck: Something this beautiful deserves to be seen on someone worthy of its beauty.

Serena: Blair, stop. You can talk to me.
Blair: (crying) We ended it. I wanted to tell you, but a part of me thought that if I didn't say it out loud, then it wouldn't be true. It was my birthday wish for us to get back together, but now, I think it's really over.

Gossip Girl: Spotted -- Nate Archibald depositing a mystery girl in a taxi after midnight. All we know about her for sure, she's not Blair Waldorf.

Serena: Make a wish, Blair.
Blair: It already didn't come true.

Gossip Girl: Happy birthday to who? Forget cake and ice cream, I'm saving room for just desserts. Looks like Chuck's wish might come true.

Chuck: 12:01. I'm sorry.
Blair: No, you're smarmy. There's a difference. If you're coming to collect, you can forget it.
Chuck: Turn around.
Blair: You get grosser by the second.
Chuck: (pointing at a cake behind Blair) You get older. Look.

Serena: I can't believe you didn't tell me your mom came home.
Dan: I'm sorry. Really, I...
Serena: What, you didn't think it was important?
Dan: No, no. Of course, it is.
Serena: Why bother? You already told Vanessa.
Dan: I tell Vanessa everything. Alright? I have, since I was six.
Serena: Well, you're not six anymore, Dan. I just, I was just hoping that I would be the person that you would tell these things to, now.
Dan: I want you to be that person, too. Really, I do. This whole girlfriend thing is very new to me, you know? I don't know the rules yet.
Serena: Well, Blair said that in a relationship the best friend...
Dan: Serena. Are you really taking relationship advices from Blair?
Serena: (laughs) Good point. Look, I just don't wanna have to compete with Vanessa. You know, with Guitar Hero, okay. I'm way more awesome, if you didn't happen to notice. But, um, not with you.

Dan: If it's weird, I can go talk to her.
Serena: Oh, no, no, no. Don't do that. Look, tell me something Vanessa likes -- besides you -- and I will make an effort to bond.
Dan: (smiles) Aw, thank you.

Serena: So, you brought Vanessa as your date to Blair's party?
Dan: No. No, you're my date. i just thought it might be a good opportunity for all three of us to hang out.
Serena: Oh, yeah, because it was so fun and not remotely awkward at breakfast this morning.

Blair: (seeing Chuck beside her) Stalk me, much?
Chuck: What are you still doing up here all alone?
Blair: I don't know where Nate is, and he always calls at midnight when it turns into my birthday.
Chuck: Well, I wouldn't count on it tonight. Doesn't it strike you as just a little bit of a coincidence? The timing of everything?
Blair: What do you mean?
Chuck: Well, Nate suddenly decides he wants to get back together just moments after your mother puts on the brakes on her deal with the Captain?
Blair: So, you're saying that Nate is only pretending to like me and that he's actually using me to get to my mother. He wouldn't do that.
Chuck: Yes, he would. If it was to help his family. You know he would.
Blair: Nate loves me. Whatever he's doing, wherever he is, he will call at midnight, you'll see.
Chuck: Care to make a wager? If he calls, I'll leave you alone forever. If he doesn't, you spend the night with me.
Blair: I will not!
Chuck: I thought you were sure.
Blair: You're gonna lose. He's never missed my birthday.
Gossip Girl: Careful, B. There's no safe wager when you bet on a Bass. You just might lose your shirt... and your pants.

Blair: (to Serena after looking at Vanessa) Oh, sweetie, you did not tell me that she looks like that. This is such a problem.

Nate: (to Chuck) Come on man, I can hear you breathing on the other side of the door.

Blair:Sighs You nauseate me.
Chuck: All this talk about how you have to be with Nate or the world will end. Face it, it's over.
Blair: You sound like a jealous boyfriend.
Chuck: Yeah, right. You wish.
Blair: (scoffs) No. You wish.
Chuck: Please. You forget who you're talking to...
Blair: So do you. Do you like me?
Chuck: (after a pause) Define like.
Blair: Oh. You have got to be kidding. I do not believe this.
Chuck: How do you think I feel? I haven't slept. I feel sick, like there's something in my stomach... fluttering.
Blair: Butterflies? Oh, no, no, no, no. This is not happening.
Chuck: Believe me, no one is more surprised, or ashamed than I am.
Blair: Chuck, you know that I adore all of God's creatures and the metaphors that they inspire. But, these butterflies? Got to be murdered.
Chuck: (considers it) Fine... it wasn't that great, anyway.
Blair: Thanks.

Chuck: Are you ready for your present? (Blair grabs his hair and puts his head over the balcony rail) Ow! If you wanted to play rough, all you had to do was ask.

Chuck: (opening the door to Nate) Nathaniel!
Nate: Where's the girl?
Chuck: In my dreams, I was trying to get some shut eye. What's on your mind?
Nate: Just my mom.
Chuck: Sounds Freudian.

Blair: I can't believe he told her you guys were going to do it.
Serena: Well, I told you.
Blair: That's different, I'm a girl.
Serena: Yeah, well, so is she.
Blair: Exactly my point. But even if she wasn't, when you get a boyfriend, you become the best friend and the best friend becomes the second best friend. That's just how it has to be, if it's ever going to work.

Gossip Girl: Speak of the devil and he doth appear -- wearing his trademark scarf. Careful, B, hell hath no fury like a Chuck Bass scorned.

Chuck: (seeing Blair coming out of the church) Well, this is the last place I'd expect to find you.
Blair: Go away, Chuck! I've been given orders, practically from God himself, to avoid you.
Chuck: Would you consider avoiding me over breakfast?
Blair: Sorry, but as is tradition on the day before my birthday, I'm heading to the jewelers to put some pieces on hold for Eleanor and...
Chuck: Nate? Oh, I don't think he'll be singing Happy Birthday this year.
Blair: No one knows that Nate and I broke up, and it's going to stay that way so I can fix this. And I don't think you're best friend would still be your best friend is he knew...
Chuck: If he knew how much I enjoyed the removal of a certain chastity belt in the back of this very limo?
Blair: From this moment forward, the events of last night will never be mentioned again, is that clear?
Chuck: Not as clear as the memory of you purring in my ear, which I have been replaying over and over...
Blair: Well, erase the tape because as far as I'm concerned, it never happened.
Chuck: I'll see you at your party tonight.
Blair: You're officially uninvited.
Chuck: Never stopped me before.

Vanessa: Serena, hi! It's nice to see you.
Serena: This time you're seeing less of me.
Vanessa: Sorry about walking in when you were, you know...
Serena: Yeah.
Vanessa: You guys are up early. What did you do last night? (Dan gives her a look) Oh, my God. I totally didn't mean to pry.
Dan: You're not prying.
Serena: Why would you think you're prying?
Dan and Vanessa: No reason.
Serena: (turns to Dan) Did you tell her?
Dan: What? No. What's to tell?
Vanessa: I know nothing. But, if you guys did this thing that I know nothing about, then I would totally support that.
Dan: Thanks, Vanessa. Good to know in the event that that should happen.
Vanessa: Oh, you mean it didn't happen?
Dan: Meaning I don't even know what we're talking about, right now.
Serena: I know I'm lost.
Vanessa: And I should get lost.

Blair: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been...awhile since my last confession.
Priest: What troubles you, my child?
Blair: (sighs) After being broken up with my boyfriend for exactly twenty minutes, I succumbed to inebriation, performed at a Speak-Easy, and surrendered my virtue to a self-absorbed ass. The only good news is that he's a total pig who'll act like it never happened, thank God.
Priest: Ahem.
Blair: Sorry. Truthfully, I'm not even Catholic.
Priest: (sarcastically) You don't say?
Blair: But losing my virginity to Chuck Bass? None of my friends will ever understand. I'm ready for my punishment. Whatever you and God think is fair. Flogging, fasting, putting that thing with the teeth around my thigh like Silas.
Priest: How about some food for thought instead? Don't drink, keep your clothes on, try avoiding those who might cause you to stray.
Blair: Oh, I plan to. Thank you, Father. That was very good advice. (gets up to leave but comes back) You don't grant birthday wishes, do you?
Priest: I'm a priest, not a genie.
Blair: Well, the next time you talk to Him, would you ask Him to send my boyfriend back to me?

Gossip Girl: According to the Catholic Church, mortal sin can only be absolved through the sacred act of confession. But it looks like a certain wasp Princess has rececntly found herself desperately in need of little unburdening. And who is the Man upstairs to discriminate?

Nate: Where's my boy? Seal the deal, tap that ass, money marries bigger money?
Chuck: Look, I care about three things Nathaniel. Money, the pleasures money brings me, and you. I'm just trying to have your back here. Your parents have been controlling you your whole life. If it doesn't end now, when will it ever?