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Carolina Liar - I'm Not Over
Phantom Planet - Dropped
The Laureates - Nothing Is Perfect
American Bang - Good As Gold
The Honorary Title - Soft Pale And Pure
AutoVaughn - One More Time
The Honorary Title - Thin Layer
Rusty: I can't believe out of all the people on campus, you're the one teaching me about responsibility.
Cappie: And apparently a little something about irony.
Cappie: If there's anyone who understands how a girl can change the way you feel about a friend, it's your big brother! Mostly because of your big sister. Good God, this campus is incestuous.
Rusty: He hooked up with her before I could even tell her I liked her. So now they're all into each other, and it makes me want to puke when I'm around them. I was going to ask Ben to be his big brother, but I was late for that one too.
Cappie: Why'd you say yes in the first place?
Rusty: Cause I fought so hard convincing you to let him in the House. If I changed my mind, you'd question my judgment as an active.
Cappie: Did you learn nothing from the Scooby story?
Beaver: (in background) Scoooooby!!!!
Rusty: I didn't mean for him to get that drunk. He's just really bad at Beer Pong. I guess I got a little carried away.
Cappie: Anyone can become a big brother, Russ. It's how you act toward them afterward that defines you.
Rusty: I didn't really want to be his big brother, okay?
Cappie: Wait, why not? Because of the girl?
Ashleigh: If Fisher is a criminal, would you guys hate me if I kept dating him?
Casey: Be smart, like Anne Hathaway.
Rebecca: I'd keep dating him.
Casey: You would not!
Rebecca: I wouldn't leave him alone with my purse, but come on! He's hot.
Ashleigh: Well touch him and I'd cut you even faster than she would.
Ashleigh: But what if he is the thief?
Casey: Then at least you'll know.
Rebecca: And we'll help you find somebody better.
Ashleigh: Why am I the only one who's drunk?
Ashleigh: You guys don't know it's like to go through college without a boyfriend. (To Casey) I mean you went from Cappie to Evan to Max. (To Rebecca) And you went from Evan to Cappie to...
Casey: If she says Max, I will cut you.
Casey: Ash, you sure you don't have a crush on Fisher?
Ashleigh: (drunk) Scout's honor. But ask me if we're doing it!
Patrick: Cappie I'm fine!
Cappie: Nope, you know my rule, if the drinks are you, then the drunks are on me.
Patrick: I'm not drunk! This place just has too many stairs!
Evan: That's right. We'll get those removed. (To Cappie) Hey man, thanks for helping me with him.
Cappie: Yeah, it was good to see him again. Uh, I should go, got that big-little party tomorrow...
Evan: Oh yeah. You should at least try to start those sober...
Cappie: I should try. Um, see ya?
Cappie: Patrick, have a safe flight back.
Patrick: Later, Cappie!
Casey: What is going on with you?
Ashleigh: I'm sorry, but she's obviously a sexual predator.
Casey: Natalie? She can't even say the word sex!
Ashleigh: I am not gonna ruin an innocent guy's reputation over the word of some Gamma Si!
Rebecca: Especially a guy you have a crush on.
Rusty: Who's Scooby?
Cappie: Nicky 'Scooby' Scubella. He was one of the most promising pledges ever to accept a bid at Kappa Tau. He was smart, he was funny, he was a great athlete. He was Beaver's first, and unfortunately, last little brother. They were perfect for one another. In fact they either won or placed in every event during Greek Week.
Beaver: (in background) Scooby!
Cappie: Only to be disqualified by a horrific doping scandal.
Rusty: He was on steroids?
Cappie: No, actual dope. Yeah. Scooby was a reefer fiend. A problem Beaver sadly didn't see the dangers of.
Beaver: He told me he was a Rastafarian with cataracts!
Cappie: After that, it all went downhill for Scoobs. Dropped out of school. Which is why one day he hitched a ride from some guy selling speakers out of the back of his van and no one ever saw him again.
Rusty: He was kidnapped?
Cappie: No, he went to Florida.
Rusty: University of Florida?
Cappie: No, he worked at an airport. But that's beside the point...
Rusty: Why is that Beaver's fault?
Cappie: I would love to tell you, but you keep interrupting me!
Ashleigh: We can't go around accusing him just because he's the new guy! That's reverse discrimination! Or reverse sexism. Or reverse... something else I know we shouldn't do.
Casey: She's right, Becs. I mean if he was a thief Ash would've heard about it when she checked his references. You did check his references?
Ashleigh: Kind of.
Rebecca: You're joking, right?
Ashleigh: Think about it. What's the point of calling for references if all they're going to do is lie about their bogus reasons for firing him.
Casey and Rebecca: Fired?!
Ashleigh: Sshh! The whole house doesn't need to know!
Rebecca: Why was he fired?
Ashleigh: Because he's so handsome! He was getting sexually harassed and they didn't wanna get sued.
Casey: But who told you that if you never talked to them?
Ashleigh: He did! (Casey sits next to her) What are you doing?
Casey: Waiting. For you to realize exactly how crazy that sounds.
Evan: He's a great guy, you're gonna love him.
Frannie: From all your mother told me, I can't wait. Prodigal son, squandered inheritance...
Evan: How often do you talk to my mother?
Frannie: Mim and I have become text buddies.
Calvin: A party kiss doesn't count.
Calvin: Yeah, you can't tell me you've never kissed a random guy at a party just for the fun of it.
Rusty: I haven't had that experience, no.
Ashleigh: We'll have an amnesty day. Anyone who finds anything in their room can come drop it off on the table, no questions asked.
Rebecca: Oh, like they do with orphans at the police station?
Ashleigh: Exactly. Just not as sad.
Evan: You know, I was really looking forward to seeing Patrick. I thought we had this brother telepathy thing, he'd know when I really needed him.
Cappie: Well first, I think you have to be twins for that telepathy thing to work. And second, I think you've got the wrong big brother there.
Evan: Yeah, why's that?
Cappie: Because as much as I enjoy Patrick, he's never been the type of guy to do something without having something in it for him. I mean even that training bra scavenger hunt was just a ruse to divert us long enough so he could score with Tammy Sommers.
Evan: The camp president? Come on, who told you that?
Cappie: She did. Oh, she had the softest lips.
Joni: Hey drunk guy's friend, order's up.
Cappie and Evan: Oh, he's not my friend.
Cappie: First rule of avoiding disappointment, lower your expectations.
Australia: October 21, 2009 on Fox8
Although credited, Clark Duke (Dale) doesn't appear in this episode.
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