Greek

As a result of the Dean's restrictions, if a ZBZ ditches mandatory study hours, the rules say she doesn't get to party. Guess who cut study time to be with her boyfriend? Rebecca Logan. Casey lays down the law: Rebecca and some other pledges can't party. But when she finds out Ashleigh ditched too -- so she could help plan the spirit weekend -- Casey decides that some rules are meant to be broken.

Life on lock-down is a serious bummer, because the Titans basketball team is in the semi-finals, and the Zetas are sponsoring a spirit weekend. All the Greeks get out their pom-poms and face paint.

The Dean's restrictions have ruined everything. Casey is tired of curfews, and Ashleigh misses boys raiding their fridges -- she wonders if the boys miss the Zeta Betas' hot pockets (LOL!). Casey is done with rules, and she grants Ashleigh a presidential pardon to party.

That doesn't go over so well, and Rebecca wants to know what the rules say about presidents who play favorites. The whole house starts griping about Ashleigh's pardon, and Casey decides to apologize ... and pardon the pledges too. It works -- for like, a minute.

Rebecca is so ... inspirational, such a positive role model. Soon the pledges are dissing Casey to her face. They tell her that they'll be ditching study hours from now on. After all, why is Casey's BFF Ashleigh more important than their love lives?

Casey asks Evan for advice, because her plan is clearly failing. Evan suggests she talk to Frannie. She may be evil, but she's got a good head on her shoulders. Frannie gives Casey some parable about bees and swarms and how Gerald Ford never apologized for pardoning Richard Nixon -- wait, how does Frannie know anything about Ford and Nixon? Come to think of it, there's another Watergate reference in tonight's episode, too. Who wrote this one, Ben Stein? Anyway, bees need a queen, otherwise they'll swarm. Frannie doesn't think Casey has lost control, yet. But she has to stop trying to win over the house with honey. Frannie tells Casey to let them vent, then shut them down. Casey can't show people where they need to go if she doesn't step out front.

Casey gets out this stuffed cat, Pussywillow. Whoever holds Pussywillow gets to speak. The girls don't get it, until Frannie tells them it's like the conch in "Lord of the Flies." Now, why would that be the first thing to pop into Frannie's evil mind? Well, the conch works like magic: The girls vent, sink into bickering, and Casey gets her chance to rein them in.

The rules are putting the pinch on the boys at Kappa Tau, too. They get written up for a noise violation in the middle of the day. What's next, will they have to stop throwing pledges off the roof? It's not all bad news for the Kappas: They win the lottery for courtside seats at the basketball tournament.

Tickets to the game, eh? Rusty wonders if Tina would like to go. Big mistake. When Tina finds out that the Greeks get first dibs on the best seats, she fires up Dale and the U-SAGS (United Students Against the Greek System).

Before the Kappas can pick up their tickets, Dean Bowman rescinds them. Apparently, the U-SAGS convinced him to review the matter.

Cappie asks Evan -- the Greek liaison to the Dean's office -- what's up. Evan made a strategic decision to let the tickets go back to the general population. He figures the Greeks need to earn some goodwill and save their ammo for the upcoming fight to get off probation.

Dale refuses to take credit for the coup. Targeting the tickets was all Tina. Rusty can't understand why Dale hates the Greeks. Well, from Dionysus on down the Greeks have embodied nothing but sacrilege and lust. Dale can't just stand by while Rusty and his friends walk the path to hell. Not when there are petitions to circulate and signatures to collect. Umm, about those signatures, Dale -- "Haywood Jablome" is not a real name.

Cappie tries to talk some sense into the Dean's head with a little allegory about the tickets. But it's hard to win a metaphorical dance with the Dean of students, even for Cappie. The Dean tells Cappie that rules are rules, and we all have to live by them. Otherwise, there would be chaos. Chaos! Hmmm, that gives Cappie an idea.

That night, Dean Bowman picks up his car from a valet when Wade busts his car stereo for a noise violation. Cappie demands Dean Bowman take a Breathalyzer test, and Beaver give him a ticket, for failing to card and wrist-band all the guests at his party. The Dean is ... amused, and he offers Cappie a deal: If Cappie can argue the Greek case before the board and win, the tickets are theirs and all the probationary restrictions are lifted. If Cappie doesn't win, he loses it all. No more tickets, and the restrictions, for all the Greeks, become permanent. GULP.

Evan isn't too psyched to have the entire Greek system in the hands of a flaky alcoholic. He types up talking points for Cappie, but Cappie wads them up and throws them in Evan's face.

At the board meeting, the two sides make their case. Dale wraps up a brilliant U-SAG speech: Can the people who broke the system be entrusted with fixing it? It's a great finish ... if only Dale were smart enough to stop. But he goes off on a HEE-LARIOUS Sodom and Gomorrah rant. If God can smite a sodomite every once in a while, why can't they do the same? Dale wants to cast out all the hippie, lettuce-smoking enemies of righteousness.

That's a tough act for Cappie to follow. Strangely, Cappie agrees with Dale. The Greeks do get out of hand, but that's a good thing. Because screwing up is what college is all about. "If you deny us our chance to fail now," Cappie says, "it's going to be a lot harder ..."

TIME! The Dean cuts Cappie off. Evan, as Greek liaison, takes the floor. He was going to recite his talking points, but he realized Cappie was right. Evan finishes Cappie's speech, with a little in-depth background information on the board members -- including Dean Bowman, who spent his undergrad years majoring in psychoactive horticulture. The Dean adjourns the meeting, and the motion to make the restrictions permanent is DOA.

In fact, the board lifts all the restrictions. Looks like life at Cyprus-Rhodes is about to heat up.

Oh! We almost forgot. Rusty can't see it, but he's falling for ball-busting Tina. He thinks he hates her, but she's all he can talk about. It's enough to make Rebecca puke: Why doesn't he just have sex with her?! Sex? But Rusty can't stand her. "So?" Rebecca says.

Rusty takes Tina a malt -- the ice cream kind. Tina accuses him of trying to spy on Dale's U-SAG work, but no. Rusty really is just there to bring her a malt. Tina doesn't think so. But by the way she's moving toward Rusty, she's been reading Rebecca's mind. Rusty can't stop arguing with her. He won't say why he's there, because Tina will just contradict him.

Tina: "Is that a problem?"

Rusty: "Uhhh ..."

Tina: "Are you as turned on as I am right now?"

Rusty: "Uhhh ..."

Finally, Tina just starts kissing him ... and cue the violins. Wait, this is "Greek" -- cue some acoustic guitar with an emo vibe, please.