Green Acres
CBS (ended 1971)
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Season 6
- Ep 26The Ex-Secretary4/27/71
Oliver contacts Carol, his one-time secretary, to find out where she'd had his watch repaired years earlier. In this pilot for a proposed series, Carol now works for a California realtor. She prevents her current boss from being conned by man that Oliver Douglas had tried to indict back in New York.moreless - Ep 25Hawaiian Honeymoon3/16/71
Lisa cons Oliver into taking a 'fifth' honeymoon together, this time in Hawaii. When they check into the honeymoon suite, they are unaware that the hotel manager's daughter, has given her friends the suite for their honeymoon also. Since the suite has two bedrooms it's just a case of both couples avoiding each other while on their honeymoon(s), for a while anyway.moreless - Ep 24Lisa the Psychologist3/9/71
Lisa and Oliver each take a college course in Pixley. Oliver chooses one dealing with farming while Lisa studies psychology. After just a few lessons, everyone in Hooterville is running to "Doctor Lisa", who solves their problems with logical reasoning. An exasperated Oliver's had enough when he has to make an appointment just to see his wife.moreless - Ep 23The Hole in the Porch3/2/71
Oliver's temporary fix on his dryrotted front porch proves pointless when Kimball removes the new board and promptly falls through. The injured patient, recuperating in the Douglases' bedroom, becomes a major aggrivation with his constant kazoo playing, fawning nursemaid Ralph, and his "attorney" Mr. Haney trying to soak Oliver for $50,000.moreless - Ep 22The Carpenter's Ball2/23/71
Ralph wants Hank to ask her to the Carpenter's Ball, but he comes up with feeble excuses to avoid going. Planning to get the two together at the event, Lisa asks Hank to be her date to the party. In no time, Hooterville is convinced that the Douglases' marriage is on the rocks and that Lisa and Hank are running off to Acapulco.moreless - Ep 21A Girl for Drobny2/16/71
Lisa concludes that Drobny, the duck she received from her uncle in Hungary, is lonesome. She invites Arnold over to play with him, but alas, the language barrier is too great to overcome. Lisa's next plan is get Drobny a girlfriend, so she talks Oliver into buying a female duck from Mr. Haney. Soon, love is in bloom for Drobny and Gertrude.moreless - Ep 20King Oliver I2/9/71
With the state bankrupt, the governor rases taxes by 52% and shuts down most services. Hooterville responds by blowing up the bridge out of town and seceding from the state. The residents start their own monarchy, annointing Mr. Douglas as King Oliver I. - Ep 19The Spot Remover2/2/71
Lisa's Uncle Boris sends her a jar of his incredibly effective cleaning fluid. It removes stains from suit coats and rugs, not to mention green from toupees. Seeing dollar signs, Haney sneaks a sample and has it analyzed; the secret formula ends up being a magical recipe for cabbage soup. - Ep 18Star Witness1/26/71
While in Pixley with the Douglases, Arnold witnesses a hold-up of the Pixley Bank. With his voice gone from squealing, a hoarse Arnold is unable to describe the crooks to the sheriff. The robbers learn that one Arnold Ziffel can identify them, so they come to the Douglas farm to silence him for good. They mistakenly kidnap Eb, not realizing that it was a pig who saw the whole thing.moreless - Ep 17The Wedding Deal1/19/71
With just two weeks until their wedding, Eb and Darlene still don't have a location for the ceremony. Mr. Haney's first suggestion, to have it for free at a car wash, doesn't wash. His second scheme, which comes complete with a household of furniture, gets Eb's signature on the dotted line. Darlene's father, however, refuses to let her get married on television in a furniture emporium's front window.moreless - Ep 16Son of Drobny1/12/71
Hooterville throws a celebration for the son of a war hero who Lisa claims delivered secret messages during WWII. Oliver tries to tell them that Drobny is just a "dumb duck" sent to them by Lisa's father, but they think he's just being a sorehead. - Ep 15The Free Paint Job1/5/71
Oliver's happy to let a paint company put a fresh coat on the house as an advertising stunt. But to everyone's surprise, the wood is so porous, it sucks up the paint as quickly as it's applied. In the kitchen, Lisa is taking three weeks to practice cooking spaghetti and meatballs for Oliver's birthday.moreless - Ep 14The Engagement Ring12/29/70
Eb is sent packing when Darlene's dad learns he proposed to is daughter with a watch fob instead of a ring. Lisa gives Eb the $2000 ring Oliver used to get engaged to her and everyone is happy--until the father has the ring appraised. - Ep 13Charlie, Homer and Natasha12/22/70
Oliver won't take Lisa to New York for a big party, but the issue isn't over. She conspires with Eb to invent new invisible friends, hoping the scheme will end with a trip to the city to visit a psychiatrist. - Ep 12The Liberation Movement12/15/70
After Lisa hears a women's liberation speaker, she demands that Oliver share the household chores while she runs the farm. While he meets with nothing but red tape while trying to build a tool shed, Lisa gets the permit and completes the building with ease. A skeptical Oliver is in disbelief that his wife is so successful at "men's work".moreless - Ep 11The High Cost of Loving12/8/70
Wanting a better paying career, Eb enters the accounting program of a correspondence school. When they mistakenly enroll him in their acting course, Eb believes it's destiny calling. Despite a disastrous attempt at makeup, he studies by dramatizing everyday events; a boring meal becomes dinner with King Louis XIV with Lisa as his serving "wrench".moreless - Ep 10Oliver's Double12/1/70
A bank robber hiding out in Pixley is an Oliver Douglas look-alike. When Eb spots the crook kissing his moll, he accuses Oliver of cheating on "Mom". Things get more confusing when Oliver's hauled in on suspicion of being the holdup man. - Ep 9Enterprising Eb11/24/70
Eb learns that $538 is not enough to build a house on the two acres the Douglases gave to him and Darlene. His schemes to raise a down payment include turning the Douglas farm into a bed and breakfast, a dump, and a trailer camp. - Ep 8Apple-Picking Time11/17/70
Oliver has his first good apple crop, but the valley has no pickers. He suggests the farmers take turns picking each others' crops, but by the time they get to him, they're worn out. Compounding his problems, Lisa's driving lessons include an unplanned wreck with a sheriff's car. - Ep 7Eb's Double Trouble11/10/70
The new schoolteacher, Carol, arrives in Hooterville and Eb is in love. He'd asked his current girlfriend, Darlene, to the dance weeks earlier, but now wants to go with Carol. After seeking and ignoring advice from Oliver, Eb listens to Mr. Haney and tells Darlene that he has a wife in Racine, Wisconsin. Darlene's father, angry over this little revelation, takes his displeasure out on Oliver's nose.moreless - Ep 6The Great Mayoralty Campaign10/27/70
Mayorial candidate Oliver Douglas faces an opponent when the Hooterville women nominate Lisa to run. While the men plot to improve Oliver's image, Ralph Monroe wages a campaign of dirty tricks against him that includes hotscake batter in his hat and an appearance by Lady Godiva. - Ep 5Oliver Goes Broke10/20/70
After saying good-bye to Lori at the airport, a distraught Lisa seeks a job to fill her days. When Haney spots her applying at the County Welfare office, he assumes she's there for the free soup. Soon, Hooterville's convinced "dumb dumb" Oliver has lost his money and sent his wife out to find a job.moreless - Ep 4A Royal Love Story10/6/70
Lisa tells Lori yet another version of how she and Oliver met. In this one, she was living in a Paris apartment with her father, the deposed King of Hungary. While he was plotting his return to power, Lisa was working as a waitress at a sidewalk cafe when Oliver stopped by for six bottles of champagne. The King wants her to marry a baron who will bankroll his army, but Lisa loves poor American Oliver Douglas.moreless - Ep 3Jealousy9/29/70
Eb won't stop badgering "Dad" to buy him a car, though an increasingly irritated Oliver keeps saying no. Meanwhile, Lisa is busy lavishing gifts on little Lori. Feeling he's been replaced in the Douglas family, a dejected Eb runs away to find a new job. - Ep 2The Coming-Out Party9/22/70
Lori, the little girl who missed the train back to the city, is staying with the Douglases. Lisa's plan to introduce her to the local children by having a party and gets out of hand; the festivities grow to include Haney giving biplane rides. While Oliver fights to downsize her event, he searches for a replacement part for his ancient tractor.moreless - Ep 1The City Kids9/15/70
Four children from the city spend a week on the farm the Douglases. While Oliver teaches them to plant seeds and milk a cow, Lisa falls in love with the little girl of the group, Lori. The two bond over a batch of banana jelly.
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Season 5
- Ep 26Happy Birthday4/11/70
To his chagrin, Oliver learns he shares his birthday with Arnold Ziffel. While Oliver's convinced he's going to be feted with a surprise party, he refuses to spread the joy by getting a gift for the pig. - Ep 25The Wealthy Landowner4/11/70
In a personals ad, Eb advertises himself as a wealthy landowner. He begins communicating with a woman with a Park Avenue address, prompting him to exaggerate his worth even more. By the time she arrives for a visit, Eb is passing the Douglases off as sharecroppers who work for him. - Ep 24Uncle Fedor3/28/70
Lisa's skittish Uncle Fedor uses the Douglases home to hide out--mostly under the bed and sofa. He claims he's on the run from the Secet Police who want him for smuggling a secret formula. When a man with a scar and another without an ear are spotted in Hooterville, his wild tale starts to seem believable.moreless - Ep 23The Beeping Rock3/21/70
A wild story told by an 11-year-old about his recent trip to the moon enthralls Eb and Lisa. Oliver believes none of it, especially when the kid sells Lisa a "moon rock" for $14. But once the rock stars beeping under the moonlight (and when Arnold snorts at it), he suspects he's the subject of a practical joke. Oliver ships it off to NASA for their scientists to examine.moreless - Ep 22The Picnic3/7/70
Oliver wants to have a simple, romantic Sunday picnic with Lisa. His plans change with the addition of Eb, his girfriend, her parents and grandpa, Sam Drucker and his date, Hank Kimball, an old lady from the gas station, an accordian and a sousaphone. - Ep 21The Case of the Hooterville Refund Fraud2/28/70
Oliver unintentionally provides the motive for the residents of Hooterville to illegally receive more than $500,000 from the Internal Revenue Service. The locals think all they have to do is write in and state their losses--not understanding that they actually have to file taxes first. Eventually, to get its cash back, the IRS invests in Haney's monkey racing track.moreless - Ep 20The Confrontation2/14/70
In just his first day as the School Board President, Oliver has started a grammar school protest. The kids are upset that their mascot, Arnold, has been thrown out for popping his teacher with a pea shooter. Fred asks Oliver to represent his "son" on grounds that he was discriminated against, but all Oliver can do is talk to the school's determined principal.moreless - Ep 19The Cow Killer2/7/70
Haney's latest attempt to cheat Oliver could land him in jail if he doesn't repay his $200 by six o'clock. He uses Oliver's irritation over Colby's renegade cow, the Douglases' cow Eleanor and a misplaced phony bovine to his advantage, selling and reselling all three cattle to make money. Along the way, Lisa and Eb become convinced that Oliver is a cold blooded "cow shooster".moreless - Ep 18The Ex-Con1/31/70
Oliver gives another of his speeches, this one to the County Bar Association, encouraging the hiring of ex-convicts. This leads to his hiring of Willie Dunhill, a man who's spent so many years in prison, he can't adjust to life on the outside; he keeps calling Oliver "warden". - Ep 17Bundle of Joy1/24/70
While Oliver's in New York working for his old law firm, Lisa and Eb discover little Freddie on the doorstep. Oliver panics when Lisa calls and tells him about the baby, but fails to mention it's a baby dog. - Ep 16Trapped1/17/70
Old timbers collapse, trapping Oliver and Lisa in a root cellar beneath their house. Calling for help through the drain in the kitchen sink, the two await a rescue by the addled Kimball and an amnesiac Eb. Their hopes are pinned on Arnold Ziffle and a game of charades. - Ep 15Rest and Relaxation1/10/70
Oliver's old friend, reporter Mort Warner, finds his visit to Hooterville anything but relaxing. In just one day, a pig invades his bed, locals stop by to chat while he's showering, he gets fleeced by Haney and arrested by the sheriff. - Ep 14The Wish-Book1/3/70
The discovery of a Wish Book from 1898 leads Haney to tell the story of Calvin and Tessie Whittaker, who once owned the Douglases' house. When a magic lantern is delivered by accident, Calvin opens a Wall Picture Theater in Pixley, thrilling audiences with a slide of Abraham Lincoln standing on his head.moreless - Ep 13Beauty is Skin Deep12/27/69
Sam Drucker stocks no "cosmeteticals" in his store, so Lisa offers to put together a display for him. When 395 cartons of Lady Love cosmetics are delivered, Lisa pushes Sam out the door and converts his business into a "beauty saloon". After Oliver tells her she must move her business somewhere else, she sets up shop in their living room.moreless - Ep 12Oliver and the Cornstalk12/20/69
With minimal help from Eb, a stressed Oliver begins planting his corn crop. Lisa tries to be a useful farm wife by making dreadful lemonade which Oliver pours out onto the ground. The next morning at that spot, he finds a giant cornstalk that reaches into the clouds. Suddenly, his farm has turned into a Jolly Green Giant commercial.moreless - Ep 11Ralph's Nuptials12/13/69
Ralph finally squeezes a proposal out of a medicated Hank Kimball, sending a delighted Lisa into wedding planning mode. Even though the Haney-produced ceremony goes off without a hitch, the honeymoon with an absent-minded Hank doesn't. - Ep 10Oliver's Schoolgirl Crush11/29/69
Oliver speaks about a law career at Hooterville High and impresses one student: a teen girl who develops a crush on every speaker who visits. Her boyfriend is angry at Oliver for breaking them up and Lisa is upset because the girl keeps calling her old. - Ep 9The Special Delivery Letter11/22/69
The Douglases try to pick up a special deliver letter from the Hooterville post office. Sam mistakenly gave it to Hank, who gave it to Fred, who gave it to Arnold...sending Oliver and Lisa all over the county trying to track it down. - Ep 8The Youth Center11/15/69
Alarmed by the dropping population of Hooterville, Oliver calls a town meeting to find a way to keep the young people from moving away. Lisa urges him not to become involved because his "goo dooding" always backfires, but he forges ahead anyway. Soon, he's involuntarily volunteered his barn to be the valley's new youth center.moreless - Ep 7Four of Spades11/8/69
Lisa the fortune-teller predicts that a mysterious stranger will soon enter Oliver's life. That stranger is Tadpole Talbot, Eb's country music singing cousin. Tadpole hires Eb to go on the road and plug his music, but it's not nearly as glamourous as Eb imagined. - Ep 6The Road11/1/69
Oliver's angry over Hooterville's dirt road, especially after learning the money to pave it was appropriated thirty years earlier. Never content to leave well enough alone, he descends on the state capitol demanding that something be done. He makes little headway until Lisa mentions the name of powerful hot dog vendor Big Joe Haney.moreless - Ep 5You and Your Big Shrunken Head10/25/69
When the Douglases, Eb, and potetentially wealthy Arnold return from Chicago, the pig goes on a gift-giving spree. Mr. Kimball gets a wristwatch, Lisa, an expensive braclet, and Oliver, a shrunken head. With Arnold the target of every salesman in the valley, he hides out at the Douglas farm. Soon they've tracked him down and it's Oliver who has to fight off the pushy peddlers.moreless - Ep 4A Tale of a Tail10/18/69
"Noted pig lawyer" Oliver arrives in Chicago with Lisa and Eb to prove Arnold's the rightful heir to a $20,000,000 fortune. While Arnold is given the royal treatment by the hotel staff, the Douglases are treated as persona non grata. The red carpet is rolled up for them all once Arnold's tail predicts snow--in July!moreless - Ep 3Where There's a Will10/11/69
The descendant of Herman, a pig that predicted the weather with his tail, stands to inherit the $20,000,000 Birnbacher estate. Fred Ziffel is convinced it's Arnold, who has the same talent. Fred, along with everyone else in Hooterville, pressures Oliver to take Arnold to Chicago and claim his inheritance. Oliver, however, isn't interested in becoming a pig lawyer.moreless - Ep 2Everybody Tries to Love a Countess10/4/69
Two weeks of bordom is finally enough for Lisa's mother. To Oliver's relief, the woman who still doesn't know his name is packed and ready to go. His celebration is short lived once Haney and Joe Carson learn how much money she has. The two become a pair of dueling Romeos vying for her hand and, more importantly, her fortune. ''moreless - Ep 1Lisa's Mudder Comes for a Visit9/27/69
Lisa's mother surprises her and "Whatshisname" (Oliver) with a three week visit. She just became a countess--the title came with an estate she bought--but Eb tells everyone she's the Queen of Sicily. In her royal honor, the locals hold a Ceremonial Day complete with a solid gold wooden key to the city. The highlight is a 21-gun-salute using just one cannon and three balls.moreless
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Season 4
- Ep 26The Reincarnation of Eb4/2/69
Oliver, Lisa and Eb talk about reincarnation after watching a movie about a grandfather who returns as a racehorse. Later, when Eb goes missing during a nasty thunderstorm, Lisa is worried sick that something bad has happened to him. She's greatly relieved when he returns home safely--"reincarcerated" as a dog. - Ep 25The Milk Maker3/26/69
Local inventor "Looney Luke" Needlinger has built a contraption that turns hay into milk. Convinced it will make them rich, Haney and Fred pitch Oliver on investing in the machine, but he thinks they're being conned. After seeing the milk maker in action, Oliver convinces a chemist to give the devise a once-over. What he discovers insures that cows will always have work.moreless - Ep 24The Old Trunk3/19/69
Lisa begins reading the diary of Lydia Plunkett who, in 1898, becomes a traveling saleswoman for a corset company. Lydia falls in love with rival salesman Harry Wright, whose career falters as a result of her success. ''Oliver and Lisa play the parts of Harry and Lydia. - Ep 23Eb Uses His Ingenuity3/12/69
All of Hooterville is excited about the upcoming big dance. Eb, however, is obsessed with raising $20 to buy his girlfriend a birthday present. Oliver tells him to be ingenious, so he begins leasing out the Douglases' wardrobe, telling people they're strapped for cash. Eb's big brainstorm: sit for ten babies while their parents go to the dance.moreless - Ep 22Oh, Promise Me3/5/69
The Douglases learn their marriage license is actually a dentists' license. Lisa moves in with the Monroe Brothers until Oliver agrees to have a big church wedding to make their marriage legal. - Ep 21A Hunting We Won't Go2/26/69
After a friendly doe wanders onto the farm, Lisa starts a drive to ban deer hunting. When the governor arrives in Hooterville for the start of hunting season, Lisa presents him with her petition. He threatens Oliver and Lisa with jail time because her petition promises everyone who signed it a one-hundred dollar payment.moreless - Ep 20Retreat From Washington2/19/69
With the Douglases in Washington, the "Haney Farm Mindin' Service" leases out their house (for $4 a day) to a couple with six children. Meanwhile in D.C., Lisa and Eb go to the White House to have unannounced lunch with the president, Kimball causes chaos for the Secretary of Agriculture, and Arnold causes problems in a laundromat. Oliver calls an early end to their trip, forcing Haney to quickly dispose of his new tenants.moreless - Ep 19Economy Flight to Washington2/12/69
The Hooterville Young People's Agricultural Society, comprised of Eb, Hank and Arnold, flies to Washington, D. C. for the national convention. When the stewardess tries to throw the pig off the DC-3, the Douglases come on board to smooth over the problem. With Arnold hiding in "the occupied", the plane takes off with the whole Hooterville crowd aboard.moreless - Ep 18A Day in the Life of Oliver Wendell Holmes2/5/69
The law office of Douglas and Williams is open for business, even though the sign has Oliver Mendell Douglas (later Oliver Wendell Wilkie Holmes) listed as a partner. Unqualified secretary Lisa destroys a office typewriter before having the new phone connected to a fire alarm "clanger". Later, to boost business, she advertises a grand opening special with free prizes and discount law services.moreless - Ep 17Law Partners1/29/69
Recent law school graduate Brian Williams pitches Oliver on joining him in a new practice. After another of his patriotic speeches, this time about law, Oliver is ready to hang out his shingle. Meanwhile, Lisa is excited about becoming their secretary and Eb is ready to run the farm. - Ep 16A Prize in Every Package1/22/69
Criminals rob a jewelry store in Chicago and stash their haul in a grain bin. The expensive gems end up packed in boxes of Crickly Wickly cereal shipped to Hooterville. Lisa knows real jewels when she sees them, but Oliver's sure they're just costume. After taking them to be appraised, the sheriff arrests Oliver for the jewelry store heist.moreless - Ep 15The Marital Vacation1/15/69
Even though taking separate vacations was Lisa's idea, she misses Oliver before she even gets to the airport. Her constant phone calls and visits from neighbors irritate Oliver so much, he hops a plane to New York to join her. - Ep 14Everywhere a Chick Chick1/8/69
Oliver gets into the chicken raising business with the purchase of 1000 chicks. Nothing goes as planned, with Lisa trying to raise them as human children and the brooder breaking down. - Ep 13The Birthday Gift1/1/69
For Lisa's birthday gift, Oliver plans to gets her a horse. Mr Haney delivers one, and it's not your average nag. Its name is Mr. Fred, a talking horse who's also a has-been TV star. Meanwhile, the locals decide that Lisa has a drinking habit and attempt an intervention. - Ep 12How to Get from Hooterville to Pixley Without Moving12/25/68
After Oliver orders the Monroe brothers to finish work on the bedroom, they confess that they never got a building permit. Oliver storms off to get one himself, only to discover his barn is in Hooterville but his house is in Pixley. Haney, who sold them the farm, offers to hook a rope to the house and pull it to Hooterville with his truck.moreless - Ep 12How to Get from Hooterville to Pixley12/25/68
- Ep 11The Blue Feather12/18/68
Lisa's superstitious nature gets the best of her when a blue feather arrives in the mail. She's convinced that Hungarian gypsies have placed a curse on her and she turns to Mr. Haney to "de-hexify" her. - Ep 10How Hooterville was Floundered12/11/68
After Joe Carson quits as head of the Hooterville centennial celebration, Oliver gets the job. His idea is to stage a re-enactment of the town's founding starring he and Lisa as Horace and Doris Hooter. In the dramatization, saloon girl Doris fleeces Horace out of the money he'd hoped to buy a farm with. Eventually, he gets his money back, thanks to her skills as a card shark, and they marry and settle Hooterville.moreless - Ep 9The Agricultural Student11/27/68
The Agricultural Department is sending a student to learn the ropes from Hank Kimball. When "Terry" turns out to be a gorgeous, blonde co-ed, the men of Hooterville line up at the Douglases' farm to take her to the barn dance. - Ep 8Old Mail Day11/20/68
It's "Old Mail Day" and Sam Drucker hands out letters that have gotten misplaced in his post office. Having learned nothing from his previous letter-writing fiascos, an upset Oliver complains to the Postmaster General for delivery service. The locals soon turn on Oliver because Drucker's General Store is never open; he's always on his bicycle delivering mail.moreless - Ep 7A Husband For Eleanor11/13/68
Oliver plans to leave Eleanor with Mr. Cowan's bull Dudley so she'll birth a calf and start giving milk again. However, Lisa complicates matters when she wants to make sure Eleanor has a good "husband" with bright prospects. No bull Lisa meets seems good enough to marry her "daughter". - Ep 6Handy Lessons11/6/68
Wanting to be a bigger help to Oliver, Lisa decides to learn carpentry. She buys overalls and begins to study the craft from the inept Monroe brothers. Lisa's talents result in destruction in Monroes' workshop and earns Oliver a punch in the nose. - Ep 5The Candidate10/30/68
Fed up with the lousy condition of the Hooterville highway, Oliver launches an attack on their beloved state district representative, Ben Hanks. The folksy, duck-calling, guitar-playing politician proves too wily for Oliver, even when caught padding the state payroll with relatives. - Ep 4Eb's Romance10/23/68
Eb announces his engagement to Loreli Appleby, a girl he met the day before. In an attempt to impress his future father-in-law, Eb suceeds in destroying the farmer's cabbage crop. To get back in the man's good graces, Eb pawns Oliver's cow Eleanor so he can make the Appleby's mortgage payment.moreless - Ep 3Hail to the Fire Chief10/16/68
Scheming to get Oliver to pay his way to a convention, Fire Chief Joe Carson appoints him as his assistant. Instead, Oliver finds the Hooterville Fire Department to be inept and ill-prepared. Oliver's call for improvements results in Uncle Joe being voted out and him being named the new chief. - Ep 2The Rummage Sale10/2/68
The Douglases are asked to donate old clothing to a charity rummage sale. Lisa is glad to give away Oliver's entire wardrobe, but can't part with any of her dresses. Each has a memory attached, leading to flashbacks of Oliver asking Lisa's father for her hand in marriage, the Douglases' honeymoon in Switzerland and their first party in their new Park Avenue apartment.moreless - Ep 1Guess Who's Not Going to the Luau?9/25/68
Peterson's Poi Juice is giving away a trip to Hawaii and Arnold Ziffel is chosen as the winner. When the ad agency rep meets Arnold and discovers he's not a human, he tries to disqualify the swine. Famous pig lawyer Oliver Douglas is retained to fight for Arnold's winnings.
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Season 3
- Ep 30A Star Named Arnold is Born (2)4/10/68
Oliver and Lisa chaperone Arnold to Hollywood for his screen test. Producer Boris Fedor isn't interested in the pig; he's just using him to pressure a greedy horse to come back to work. When the horse's agent balks, the publicity machine starts promoting Arnold as the studio's next big star. A stunned Oliver, who came along for laughs, can't believe what he's witnessing.moreless - Ep 29A Star Named Arnold is Born (1)4/3/68
Arnold's performance as a British police dog in the Hooterville theater production of Who--the marquee wasn't big enough for Who Killed Jock Robin?--turns him into an overnight star. Lisa is so impressed, she arranges for an old friend to give him a Hollywood screen test. The Douglases are soon Tinseltown bound, escorting the hammy actor west for his big showbiz break.moreless - Ep 28Instant Family3/27/68
At Sam Drucker's store, Oliver and Lisa meet their new neighbor who's about to go into labor. After racing her to the hospital, Oliver arrives home to find Lisa's volunteered to keep the woman's four other children in their home. Oliver's nerves become frayed when he's forced to sleep in the barn with the boys and spend all day carrying the kids to and from school.moreless - Ep 27The Rutabaga Story3/20/68
It's planting season in Hooterville, but Oliver doesn't know what to grow. After testing the soil, he discovers Hooterville is perfect for growing rutabagas. The locals are overcome with rutabega fever, going so far as to plan a "Rutabaga Bowl". To spread the word, Lisa is sent up in a hot air balloon to drop vegetables on people with the message "Eat Hooterville Rutabagas" written on them.moreless - Ep 26The Hungarian Curse3/13/68
The man who saved the life of Lisa's uncle moves in on the Douglases seeking repayment for his good deed. Lisa feels an obligation to help Lazlo, but Oliver is simply irritated by his constant money-grubbing. Oliver's also unfazed by Lazlo's threats to cast a Hungarian curse on him. - Ep 25Oliver's Jaded Past3/6/68
Lisa's long-awaited vacation to New York is not what she'd hoped for. She's none to thrilled hearing about Oliver's womanizing playboy days or all the wild parties they're invited to. When Oliver's offered a job with his old law firm, he's the Douglas who's tempted by the excitement of city life.moreless - Ep 24Our Son, the Barber2/28/68
Eb's latest career choice is that of a barber. He talks Oliver into paying his tuition to MIT, a mail-order barber college. Eb's sent a dummy head and hair to practice on and receives his grades by mailing the trimmed toupees back to the school. Lisa is excited about Eb's education while Oliver is irratated by all the hidden costs he keeps being asked to pay.moreless - Ep 23The Spring Festival2/21/68
Everyone in Hooterville, except Oliver, is overcome with spring fever; even Sam Drucker is wearing his spring toupee. Deciding to revive the Hooterville spring festival, Lisa visits the neighbors to drum up support. Meanwhile, Oliver tries to do his planting with Eb who can't understand how to work the automatic planter.moreless - Ep 22My Mother the Countess2/14/68
On learning that Lisa's mother is coming for a visit, the Hooterville residents go overboard in wanting to welcome the countess. Despite Oliver's protests that she's not royalty, they forge ahead anyway with plans for a parade and marching band. - Ep 21Flight to Nowhere2/7/68
The farmers of Hooterville sign up for a government-sponsored agriculture exchange program to Europe. When they realize the $300 cost for tickets is per person, not per plane-load, they decide to supply their own airplane with Oliver as their pilot. - Ep 20Arnold Ziffel, Boy Hero1/31/68
Arnold is opening an account at the Pixley Bank when two robbers make off with a bundle of cash and the pig's five dollars. The pair hides out at the Douglases' farm, taking Lisa, Oliver and Eb hostage. Arnold makes off with their bag of money and takes it to the authorities while the clueless criminals force Lisa to make hotcakes for them.moreless - Ep 19How to Suceed in Television Without Really Trying1/24/68
Boy genius Dilly Watkins improves farm life for Douglases with his new electronic inventions. Besides the barn door opener that works when Eleanor moos at it, there's the television camera that sends pictures of the cow to the bedroom set. Oliver doesn't realize the camera is transmitting to all the sets in the valley, turning him into an overnight Nielsen sensation. ''moreless - Ep 18Home is Where You Run Away From1/10/68
A young runaway turns up in the Douglas' barn but refuses tell them his real name. After Oliver reports the child to the police, the boy goes on the lam. When encountering other Hooterville residents, his aliases include Oliver Wendell Douglas, Jr., Fred Ziffel, Jr. Hank Kimball, Jr. and Sam Drucker, Jr.moreless - Ep 17Not Guilty1/3/68
Sam Drucker calls the law when he discover $300 is missing from his safe. With the investigation pointing only to Frank Nitti, Eb is finally charged when he shows up in a car he paid $300 for and can't recall who gave him the money to buy it. - Ep 16Eb Returns12/27/67
Eb is embarrassed to tell the Douglases that he was stood up at the altar and took his honeymoon trip alone. He begs an old girlfriend, Cynthia, to pose as his new bride just long enough to meet his "parents". She agrees if it won't take long since she has a big date to get ready for.moreless - Ep 15No Trespassing12/20/67
Oliver's crabby attitude leads everyone think he's about to snap from overwork. To help him relax, Lisa takes him on a picnic by the lake. That's where he runs into gun-totin' Ira Hatch, who hassles him about trespassing on his property. When he tells the locals about the old man, they declare Haney the winner of the "Oliver Douglas crack-up pool" because Ira had died 20 years earlier.moreless - Ep 14Alf and Ralph Break Up12/13/67
Alf and Ralph announce that they are finally going to finish the Douglases' bedroom, but the project stalls when the "brothers" beging fighting. Lisa hires Ralph as their maid and Oliver can't bring himself to fire her when he discovers she's a good cook. - Ep 13Haney's New Image11/29/67
Oliver gets the usual runaround from Haney when he complains about the ancient tractor he'd bought. But suddenly, it's a new, honest Haney who offers to buy back the tractor and the "dump" of a farm he sold Oliver. Coincidently, he's just learned that the Douglas farm is in the path of a proposed new highway. Oliver's soon onto his scheme and decides to make the charlatan squirm.moreless - Ep 12Jealousy, English Style11/22/67
Over Lisa's objections, Oliver plans on attending a farm symposium alone. To watch over her, he hires a charming young British man as a temporary farm hand. Determined to go along, Lisa plots to make Oliver so jealous of the handsome help that he wouldn't dare leave her behind. - Ep 11Won't You Come Home, Arnold Ziffel?11/15/67
With Doris out of town, Fred looks after Arnold by himself. When Arnold sees an advertisement for free movies and ice cream, he goes to Pixley. Lisa is convinced he's been pig-napped, so they all go on a search that leads them to a packing house. - Ep 10Das Lumpen11/8/67
Lisa tells another version of how she and Oliver met during World War II. As a member of the Hungarian underground, she saved him from Nazis by hiding him in a barn and earned him a Purple Heart by poking him in the rump with a pitchfork. They saw each other again after the war when Lisa was a professional cello player.moreless - Ep 9The Thing11/1/67
Oliver is tired of paying storage for something neither he or Lisa can recall, so he has it shipped to Hooterville. Inside a giant crate is a genuine Stavinski birdbath that Lisa had bought years earlier for Oliver's birthday. The hideous collection of pipes and faucets leads Oliver to plot "the thing's" demise.moreless - Ep 8Eb Elopes10/25/67
The Douglases find a note from Eb saying he's eloped. While he's on his honeymoon, his cousin Walter will cover his duties. Unfortunately, Walter's experience is limited to bartening at the old Stankwell Falls Lounge. This leads to more destruction than usual on the farm and everyone thinking Oliver's opening a cocktail lounge.moreless - Ep 7Don't Count Your Tomatoes Before They're Picked10/18/67
Oliver's reign as "El Presidente" of the phone company hits bottom when he hires a farm worker to be his operator. He pays Haney to take the business off his hands, but soon Hooterville is up in arms over the price-gouging Haney Phone Company. - Ep 7Don't Count Your Tomatoes Before10/18/67
- Ep 6A Kind Word For the President10/11/67
Irritated by complaints and about how much money he's losing, Oliver raises the rates at the Hooterville Phone Company. His top priority, however, is getting the Monroe brothers to connect his own phone inside the house. Meanwhile, Lisa discovers the magic of cooking dehydrated food. - Ep 5Oliver Takes Over the Phone Company10/4/67
Oliver's without an operator on his first day as president of the Hooterville Phone Company. As he wrestles with an exploding switchboard, the locals gossip about how he stole the company from Roy Trendell in a rigged card game. Lisa figures out how to put calls through, but had rather flirt with the president than work the switchboard all night.moreless - Ep 4Oliver vs. the Phone Company9/27/67
Oliver is finally fed up with the lousy service of the Hooterville phone company. He petitions the state "futilities commercial" for improvements, but they can't help; Hooterville needs at least forty-two customers to be covered by the law. Tired of hearing Oliver boast about how he could run the company better, the owner hands him the keys to the place.moreless - Ep 3Love Comes to Arnold Ziffel9/20/67
Fred Ziffel objects to Arnold's love affair with Haney's "basket" hound Cynthia. Realizing that their relationship can never work, Arnold breaks things off. When Cynthia performs miserably at the county field trials, Haney wants to sue over his heartbroken hound. - Ep 2Lisa's Jam Session9/13/67
Drucker's store doesn't stock jam since all the Hooterville women make their own. Oliver encourages Lisa to learn how to make preserves from Doris Ziffel since hers are the best in the valley. Lisa learns her trick, but it doesn't stay secret for long. - Ep 1The Man For the Job9/6/67
The state committee to nominate a new senator considers Oliver as their candidate. Upon hearing about his credentials (he can read and write), they send representatives to Hooterville to meet the man and learn what his neighbors think of him.
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Season 2
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Season 1
