Green Wing

Season 2 Episode 9


Aired Friday 9:30 PM Jan 04, 2007 on Channel 4
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Episode Summary

Caroline engaged to Guy, Mac getting closer to death, Statham and Joanna on the run, Karen acting strange and the admin girls letting their hair down a bit lower than normal. A 90-minute special episode to tie up all those loose ends from the end of series 2 and end on a happy note? Probably not.moreless

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Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (0)

  • QUOTES (11)

    • Shop Assistant: (About a choking Alan) I was worried; he was going blue.
      Joanna: Oh that's quite normal for him, he's half Smurf.

    • Guy: So... what are you going to have on your gravestone?
      Mac: I thought maybe vertical stripes. Yeah, something slimming.

    • Caroline: Why would I want to get into Dame Judy Dench's pants?!

    • Guy: (Talking about him and Caroline) I am the right choice, the healthy option.
      Mac: What are you now, margarine?

    • Mac: (quietly) I love you. Will you marry me?
      Caroline: Do you know what, Dr McCartney? I bloody will.

    • Mac: Yeah, you going to smash me up?
      Guy: Yeah! Up against the wall if I have to.
      Mac: Oh gosh. And possibly crikey.

    • Guy: You love her, she loves you. You have to marry her, end of story.
      Mac: Great, what about you?
      Guy: Oh, don't worry about me, I'll be fine. As soon as you're dead, I can have her back. Everyone's happy.
      Mac: You really are a massive wanker.
      Caroline: Have her back? I'm not a family heirloom.

    • Martin: (sobbing quietly) I can't believe it!
      Mac: I can't believe Guy told you.
      Martin: I thought the Elysium Fields was in Dorset, and then when I looked it up on the map I couldn't find it and so I asked and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and and and and and and and and and -
      Mac: And you lost the ability to complete a sentence.
      Martin: And and and... and then I realised you're not going to Dorset, you're going to Hea... (crying) Heaven. (Continues crying) You're going to die, you're going to die, you're dying, you DIE. And you're not going to have a child, or, or, or, get married to the woman you love, or grow old with her or see me qualify! (Cries)
      Mac: Hey, I don't think anyone is going to live that long, are they?
      Martin: (Crying hysterically) You're just saying that! I heart you, Mac.
      Mac: Hey, hey, I heart you too.

    • Kim: Sorry about not noticing the whole falling-out-of-the-window thing.
      Karen: That's all right.
      Rachel: Mind you, looks like you had a lucky escape; there's not a scratch on you.
      Karen: (removes a fake hand from her right wrist and shows it around.) And my nose whistles when I orgasm.

    • (Dr. Statham is sitting on a shop assistant, whilst Joanna fills a bag with food)
      Joanna: Right, OK, we can go.
      Dr. Statham: (Standing up) Right, right come on you, come on, up you get ... come on, up you get, up up up...
      Joanna: Is she alright?
      Dr. Statham: Yes, oh yes...
      Joanna: Is she?
      Dr. Statham: She's fine, she's just probably having a rest...
      (Joanna bends down and checks the shop assistants pulse)
      Dr. Statham: (talking to the assistant) If everything's fine, and you don't want to be disturbed, just lie there and say absolutely nothing ... There! She's fine. Straight from the horse's mouth...
      Joanna: Alan she's dead.
      Dr. Statham: Oh my crikey, I've sat on her to death.

    • Mechanic: She's a bit of a mess, isn't she?
      Dr. Statham: Fair's fair, she's been on the road a while, no make-up, so make allowances for the old girl...
      Joanna: He means the van.
      Mechanic: Well, I was talking about the van, but now you mention it, I take your point...

  • NOTES (0)