Grey's Anatomy Season 9 Episode 5

Meredith: What's this?
Bailey: My list of Tucker-tested babysitters. You need a deeper bench, Dr. Grey. You're an attending now, you never know when a crisis is gonna happen, and this is gold. I don't give it out to just anyone.
Meredith: Thank you.

Owen: Ah. There she is. There's your mama. Kepner had to scrub in on a colectomy. So I took her, right?
Meredith (to Zola): Hi. You look like you're feeling much better.
Owen: Mmhmm. Well, we read 'Goodnight Moon'... a couple times, didn't we? And then you tried to show me how to play patty-cake, right? And it turns out, Uncle Owen is pretty terrible at that. Oh, and her fever broke a couple hours ago. Uh, 99.2 the last time I checked.

Meredith: Okay, does anybody know what we do now?
Shane: Ligate the artery?
Meredith: Nope.
Heather: Replace the clamp with a patch.
Meredith: Nope.
Jo: Then... what?
Meredith: 30-second dance party. (Mer smiles and starts dancing, no one else does) Dance or you're fired.

Dr. Thomas: If this continues to go this well, I'm prepared to put your name first.
Cristina: When we publish? That's big of you.
Dr. Thomas: It is.
Cristina: You know what? You need it more than I do. This could be your last journal article.
Dr. Thomas: Is that your version of 'thank you'?
Cristina: No, it's my version of 'this is the end. Get while the getting's good.'
Dr. Thomas: Thank god I never had children. They'd be just like you. (Cristina laughs) I'd have to drowned them like puppies in the river.
Cristina: Oh, come on. I'm your dream come true.
Dr. Thomas: That... is the truth.
Cristina: You're gonna make me gag.

Dr. Thomas: Don't be crass. Women of your generation think they have to be crass or no one will believe their strength. You're fighting a battle that women of my generation have already fought for you so you could have the grace to appreciate their work and move on to something else.
Cristina: Yeah, I'm still gagging.

Dr. Thomas: Watch you dissection and don't hold your breath.
Cristina: Now you're gonna tell me when to breathe?
Dr. Thomas: You hold your breath while you stitch. When you stop breathing, you stop thinking. It's a mistake.
Cristina (exhales): I'm breathing.
Dr. Thomas: Slowly. Not like an anxious hyena.

Dr. Thomas: My name will be first.
Cristina: Pfft. Saw that comin' a mile away.
Dr. Thomas: You will be the surgeon of your generation. I knew it as soon as I met you. People will try to diminish you as they did me, and they will fail. I would like it to be known in the medical community that I helped train you. Hmm?
Cristina: Okay. Your name first.

Meredith: Ross, are you sure my kid's okay?
Shane: It's like camp Zola in the attendings' lounge. She was smashing gummy worms into her face when I left.
Meredith: Who's letting her have gummy worms? You're right, it doesn't matter. Get in here and help retract.

Meredith: Wait. It's 4:30. I thought you were with Zola.
Shane: Uh, no, yeah, 4:00 to 5:00, that's Dr. Kepner's shift.
April: Yeah, that was before my surgery went long. 23 year old with more gallstones that I've ever seen. It's weird, right, 23 year old with gallstones?
Meredith: April, who has my daughter?
April: Um, ri- right-- 4:30. Uh, Jackson, I think.
Meredith: April!
April: When I realized my surgery was going long, I sent my intern to make sure that Alex could take her for longer, but he couldn't push his surgery again, so he left her with Ted, so I was just about to go relieve him right now. Unless Jackson got there first. His shift was after mine so--
Meredith: Who's Ted?
April: Um, Nurse Ted from the E.R. (Mer makes a face) And I can tell by the look on your face that you don't know who Ted is. Um, don't worry about it. I- I'm going there right now. Zola will be fine. Okay? (rushes off)
Meredith: Ross follow her. Do not leave her side until my daughter is physically in her arms.
Shane: On it.

Richard: So... you decided to go back in.
Meredith: This is my window. Her pH and coags are good. She'll never make it through another day if I don't stop this bleeding. ... What?
Richard: Oh, nothing. I just, um--
Meredith: Don't. Don't say it.
Richard: Say what?
Meredith: This is nothing like what happened in the woods. We are in a hospital with medical resources that we could only dream of having out there. And I'm gonna use them and try like hell to save this girl's life so when her family comes I can tell them she's alive. So don't say this is Lexie. It's not Lexie.
Richard: Good luck. That's all I was gonna say. Good luck.
Meredith: Oh. Thank you.
Richard: And it's the right call, bringing her back in. I was gonna say that, too.

Cristina: Why the hell are you sitting out in the cold?
Dr. Thomas: Sun's out. Gotta take advantage.
Cristina: Let me do the surgery with someone else.
Dr. Thomas: Dr. Yang--
Cristina: Or go kiss his ass. Play politics. I don't think you understand how serious he is.
Dr. Thomas: There is a path that a doctor walks in this hospital. They begin by thinking that I'm some sort of God. Then they start to worry that I'm insane. And then they take some comfort in the notion that it's just senility. I mean, we've gone from A to Z in no time at all.
Cristina: Yeah, well, if this goes south, it could be the end for you.
Dr. Thomas: So be it. Maybe I'm ready.
Cristina: Well, I'm not. You can't leave me alone here.
Dr. Thomas: Oh, we're talking about you now, hmm? You should've raised the flag.
Cristina: I couldn't work here without you.
Dr. Thomas: You're afraid to fly. You're not going anywhere.
Cristina: Hey, it's not funny.
Dr. Thomas: No, it isn't. You love me more than anybody has in a very long time. Look, if I'm going, I wanna go down fighting for something that I believe in, for this young woman's future, and-- and these women who have so much to live for.
Cristina: Oh, come on.
Dr. Thomas: You know I'm right. You know that she deserves this surgery. And we're the best team to do it.

Cristina: You need to take Dr. Thomas off probation.
Dr. Parker: I take it you weren't able to convince him to go gracefully?
Cristina: Why would I?
Dr. Parker: He's a liability.
Cristina: Oh, because he's old?
Dr. Parker: No, because he habitually undermines my authority. Look, you were in that O.R. yesterday.
Cristina: Yeah. He saved a patient's life.
Dr. Parker: He was insubordinate and reckless.
Cristina: He cut out her aneurysm and interposed a graft in under 30 minutes. Now I cant do that. Can you? There's no good reason--
Dr. Parker: Cristina, there is no point in belaboring this. It's done.
Cristina: Then undo it. Let him ride out his tenure. Firing him would be bad for the hospital and bad for you. Please, just-- just let this slide.
Dr. Parker: Look, I know you're in an awkward position. And it's partly my fault for sticking you with him. You came in a little strong, and I felt like I needed to temper your overconfidence. But he's holding you back. And once he's gone, you'll see that.

(On the phone)
Cristina: He's doing it, Mer. He's doing the surgery.
Meredith: And if he does it, he'll get fired.
Cristina: Yeah.
Meredith (sighs): I need to figure out the exact right time to reopen my patient. A month ago, this would've been someone else's decision. I was just a resident along for the ride. Now if I misjudge...
Cristina: Yeah.
Meredith: Doomsday.
Cristina: Yeah. You know what we need?
Meredith: Dance party?
Cristina: Nope. We need to buck up.
Meredith: Yep.

Alex: I'll just go get her.
Meredith: Okay, don't forget her diaper bag. She's got extra clothes in there, diapers. Her sippy cup is in the side pocket, and if she goes pee-pee in the potty--
Alex: Meredith, I'm not gonna potty train your kid.
Meredith: Right, okay. Sorry. Forget it.
Alex: Already did.

Bailey: Can I assume that's your child I hear wailing outside those doors?
Meredith: Well, I-- She has a fever, and Derek is out of town and I have this patient--
Bailey: Dr. Grey, do you know why men think they can run the world and women can't? Because of crying babies.
Meredith: I was hoping no one would hear it.
Bailey: Uh, we can all hear it. I can hear it. Uh, Dr. Ross out there can hear it. Only difference is the crying doesn't affect him. But you and I, are genetically predisposed to respond to crying babies. It's pulling your focus.
Meredith: It's gonna be fine. I'm almost done.
Bailey: Okay, this is about world domination. If we are going to take over, we need to have our babies crying somewhere other than the I.C.U.

Cristina: This is a bad idea. Parker will never sign off on this surgery.
Dr. Thomas: I can't tell you how strenuously I object to your extracurricular gymnastics with that man. He's making you conventional and skittish. You know, condoms don't protect against that.
Cristina (stunned): H-how did you--
Dr. Thomas: You were the first one to point out, I've been around a long time. Now Katy is awake, she's speaking, she's moving her extremities.
Cristina: Yes, but--
Dr. Thomas: And the repair worked, so why put her in danger of another life threatening aneurysm?
Cristina: Well, what about Parker?
Dr. Thomas: I spend very little time thinking about him.

Callie (holding Zola): I am so sorry. I'm so sorry. I have surgery in ten minute. I tried leaving her in daycare, but she's running a little fever. No big deal. (hands Zola to Mer) I'm sure she's just teething. But they won't take her if she hasn't been fever free for 24 hours. Did I mention I have surgery?
Meredith: In ten minutes.
Callie: I'm sorry. (walks away)
Shane (runs up): Dr. Grey, the patient's B.P just plummeted to 70 over 50.
Meredith: Crap! Edwards.
Stephanie: No, I-- no. (Mer hands Zola to her) I did your fish stick drop. I valeted your car. I am here to practice medicine.
Meredith: Great. Monitor her temp. If it gets about 101, give her a teaspoon of acetaminophen and push fluids. Her sippy cup is in the bag. Bye, Zo.

Dr. Thomas: Dr. Yang. Good news, Ms. Doomsday is doing great. While you were getting your beauty sleep, a lot has happened. Katy, why don't you fill in Dr. Yang? Although she hasn't had her coffee yet, so maybe just give her the broad strokes, hmm?
Katy: You guys are gonna go ahead with my second surgery this afternoon.
Dr. Thomas: Dr. Yang will start to prep you... As soon as she brushes her teeth.

(On the phone)
Meredith: Maybe we should try to get some sleep.
Cristina: I'm not gonna be able to sleep.
Meredith: Yeah, me either. You know what we need?
Cristina: What?
Meredith: A 30-second dance party.
Cristina: Okay. (they both don't move) I'm too tired.
Meredith: Yeah, me, too.

(On the phone)
Meredith: Well, can't you just give your sex friend more sex in exchange for not firing your old man friend?
Cristina: Ew. I'm not a prostitute. Besides, I thought of that. It's just way too much sex.

(On the phone)
Meredith: It's going to be fine.
Cristina: Thomas made me leave my patient. Now she's gonna die, and he'll be fired.
Meredith: Well, I'm leaving my patient, too. I have to pick Zola up from day care, and Derek's out of town so it has to be fine.
Cristina: It's not gonna be fine.
Meredith: She's surrounded by interns.
Cristina: That's one of the signs, Meredith, like locusts or the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Meredith: Well, except there's only three of them and it's one night.
Cristina: You need a bug-out bag.
Meredith: What's that?
Cristina: Like a diaper bag for adults. I'm making mine right now.
Meredith: Well, what do you have so far?
Cristina: Tequila.
Meredith: Well, that's a good start.
Cristina: What else?
Meredith: Well, the sign of a well-packed diaper bag is backups in case you run out.
Cristina: So more Tequila?
Jackson (walking by Meredith): I am out... trying to have one night, and my intern decides to close my patient's wound-- An infected wound, which I left open to heal. Dumbass, over-eager, barely-out-of-med-school child!
Meredith (to Cristina): I'm staying.
Cristina: I'm going back.

Cristina: This is my fault.
Dr. Thomas: The aneurysm would've blown no matter who's hands were on it. Her vessels are cotton candy.
Cristina: I know, but Parker wouldn't have given that surgery a second thought if I wasn't in there with you.
Dr. Thomas: Oh, don't flatter yourself. That man has been after my hide for a long time.
Cristina: Probation is one step away from being fired.
Dr. Thomas: You know, I find it a little unseemly to worry about my employment prospects when there's a woman's life hanging in the balance. Come on. I'm gonna give you a ride home. We have another surgery tomorrow. You need your sleep.

Richard: Do you want me to take point on this?
Meredith: On my patient? No.
Richard (walks over to her): Meredith, I'm concerned that... this may be hitting a little too close to home. I mean, after what you've been through, what... What happened with your sister... same injuries, same age.
Meredith: What's your point?
Richard (sighs): Emotions might be clouding your judgment.
Meredith: They're not. Excuse me. I have to go check on my patient.

Dr. Parker: That was a train wreck in there.
Dr. Thomas: We saved her life. That aneurysm could've blown no matter what we did. You know that.
Dr. Parker: You should have listened to me when I suggested that you put her on--
Dr. Thomas: You walk into my O.R. in the middle of a surgery and try to backseat drive?
Dr. Parker: I'm trying to help you, Craig.
Dr. Thomas: I'm not Craig, I'm Dr. Thomas. And I don't need or want your help.
Dr. Parker: Dr. Thomas, you're a danger to our patients.
Dr. Thomas: I need to see a patient.
Dr. Parker: Surrender your license. Go out gracefully, it's time.
Dr. Thomas: I will not step down.
Dr. Parker: Okay. You want to go that way, we'll go that way. Starting today, I sign off on every patient you see-- Every scan, every Band-Aid. (Dr. Thomas walks out, Parker looks at Cristina) Talk to him. Please.

Richard: It might be time to pack her and let her rest. Looks like you're at a point of diminishing returns, Grey. There's a limit to how much this patient can take. She was crushed by two tonns of twisted metal. That's a lot of trauma for the body.
Meredith: I know. I know exactly how much trauma that is for the body. I'm not doing damage control here. I'm not gonna pack her up and hope for the best.

Cristina: Damn it, damn it, damn it.
Dr. Thomas: Watch your language, Dr. Yang. I run an respectable O.R. Clamp. Dr. Yang I suggest you get one, too.
Dr. Parker: Put her on bypass you need time to--
Dr. Thomas: Listen to me. Dr. Yang will tell you that I have been doing this since the Jurassic period. We'll have this done in a jiffy.
Dr. Parker: That's it. I'm scrubbing in.
Cristina: Clamp on.
Dr. Thomas: Let's go, Dr. Yang, time's a wastin'. (Cristina laughs)

Dr. Thomas (after Dr. Parker walks in the O.R.): Ah, Dr. Parker. Two visits in one day. What a treat.
Dr. Parker: It's my job to ensure my department's working to the highest standard.
Dr. Thomas: Oh, nonsense. You want a front-row seat to my inevitable demise. I hope you'll forgive me if I disappoint.

Callie: Hey, I just dropped Sofia off at daycare. Did you remember it was multicultural day?
Meredith: Uh, yeah. I made fish sticks.
Callie: Ugh. I signed up for plantains and I totally forgot.
Meredith: I'm sure no one will notice.
Callie (sighs): Yeah, well, Mark always kept track of that stuff.

Cristina (about their patient): It's interesting how crazy you can be and still comb your hair.
Dr. Thomas: I find her delightful.
Cristina: Yeah? You got a bug-out bag in that big 'ol car of yours?
Dr. Thomas: I have no desire to survive Armageddon. When the big one hits, I want to go quickly.
Dr. Parker (walks in): Huh. You didn't mention that your surgery was an aneurysm the size of a honeycrisp.
Dr. Thomas (to Cristina who looks confused): It's an apple, the state fruit. I don't recall mentioning this surgery to you at all.
Dr. Parker: Dr. Yang, could I talk to you? (Cristina follows him outside the room) That aneurysm is a disaster area.
Cristina: We have a solid surgical plan.
Dr. Parker: Let me assign the surgery to somebody else.
Cristina: No.
Dr. Parker: Look, I don't know what's going on. Maybe you pity Thomas. Maybe you actually like him. Hell, I like him. He's a great old guy. But there's nothing to gain by working with him. Nothing.
Cristina: There is, actually.

Meredith (walking in with the patient from the accident): Wilson. I've got cyclist versus auto, with multiple crush injuries. I need you to call upstairs. Tell them we need a trauma O.R. open, and get Ross he's on my service. You, I need you to go get my car. (tosses her keys to Stephanie) It's at the intersection of 4th and Pike. In the back seat, there's a box of frozen fish sticks. Grab 'em, nuke 'em and bring them up to the daycare for Brazil day.
Bailey: Grey, you know you just stole my intern?
Meredith: Sorry.

(On the phone)
Cristina: It's huge. I e-mailed it to you. Look at my giant aneurysm and marvel at the gift Thomas gave me.
Meredith: I can't, I'm driving. Besides, I'm jealous that you have a new best friend.
Cristina: I really do. I might love him more than you.
Meredith: I'm happy for the both of you.
Cristina: And I get two surgeries out of it, 'cause she a complete vascular ring.
Meredith: Imagine your good luck.
Cristina: Oh, are you still being a bitter working mother?
Meredith: I am. I have pee on my shoe.
Cristina: You're a doctor. Can't you call it urine?
Meredith: Because 'urine on my shoe' is more appealing?

Dr. Thomas: Well, you're in a mood.
Cristina: My car is buried under a mountain of snow.
Dr. Thomas (hands her a box): Don't get crumbs on the upholstery.
Cristina (opens it): Aw. You bought me a Danish.
Dr. Thomas: Don't get emotional. Just eat it. You're gonna need your strength. (hands her a file) Here.
Cristina (looking at it): Oh! Complete vascular ring. And a huge aneurysm.
Dr. Thomas: Biggest aneurysm I have ever seen.
Cristina: Considering how old you are, that is sayin' somethin'.
Dr. Thomas: Now if you're gonna start talking like that, I'm gonna get someone else to scrub in with me.
Cristina: This is ours?
Dr. Thomas: Still in a mood?
Cristina: Oh. Thank you. God, thank you, thank you. (hugs him)
Dr. Thomas: Hey, hey, hey I'm trying to drive here.

(On the phone)
Meredith (after Cristina talks to someone walking by): Who was that?
Cristina: Just me being neighborly, I'm neighborly now.
Meredith: Oh, no. I think she just... (high-pitched voice to Zola) Did you just pee on me? (to Cristina) I think she just peed on me.
Cristina: See, you have a fake voice, too.
Meredith: Well, I'm using it on a child. You're supposed to.
Cristina: You know what? Tell her she's got to get her act together or she'll never be on the Supreme Court. She's gotta buck up.
Meredith: Excuse me?
Cristina: Buck up. Alright, it's a Minnesota thing. We don't wallow in our self-pity. We're tough. We're friendly. (walks outside) We're... My car is buried under a mountain of snow.
Meredith (laughs): Buck up.
Cristina: I hate you.

(On the phone)
Meredith: Okay, please tell me you're as miserable as I am? We are potty training and I am wearing an apron.
Cristina: No, I am happy as can be. My coat doubles as a sleeping bag.

Cristina (laying in bed, thinking): I can't move. I need to move, but I can't. I think I may be frozen to this spot. Literally frozen.
Dr. Parker: I could stay. Keep you warm. Do you like being the big spoon or the little spoon?
Cristina (thinking): I am not a spoon, I'm a knife. And I'm gonna stab you in the eyeball. (out loud) You know, I think I'm gonna try and get some sleep.
Dr. Parker: Oh? You sure?
Cristina (thinking): I can't look at you. (out loud) I'm sure. (seeing herself in the mirror) I can't look at you, either.

Meredith: (opening voiceover) Sometimes, things are simply out of your control. You can't change them. You can't bend them to your will. It doesn't matter if you're already 45 minutes late, if your hair isn't brushed, and you haven't fixed breakfast and your hemorrhaging brain spills by the second while you sit here dying. Dying inside