Dr. Meredith Grey
Dr. Derek Shepherd
Dr. Cristina Yang
Dr. Alex Karev
Dr. Miranda Bailey
Dr. Richard Webber
Dr. Lucy Fields
Scrub Nurse Linda
Lexie: I'm putting in targon, not that I have any idea what targon tastes like but I think when people use targon it makes them seem like they know what they're doing. Basil can't do that. Anybody can sling some basil around the kitchen.
Mark: Callie's pregnant.
Lexie: Oh my God, that's great. She loves babies. Did- Did they do a turkey baster thing or- or something? I mean, wait a minute, okay, so wait. Arizona just got back... and they, we're they doing this, wait was this before... (looks at Mark who's looking down, then he looks at her, she realizes)
Mark: I saw the heart beat today. This is my kid, this is a part of me. ... Please, is there any way we can...
Lexie (teary eyed): How the hell did you get me in this position... (slams counter) twice?! It... It is... Unbelievable. You are unbelievable!
Callie: What are you doin'? Is that one of my boxes?
Arizona: Oh, don't get up. (puts down a box) You rest. Plus, you shouldn't be lifting any heavy things. I got this.
Callie: No, I'll get up if I want to. Are you moving my stuff back in?
Callie: I haven't said I'm moving back in... yet. I- I mean, we're not together. (gets up and walks over to Arizona) I mean, you-- you can take those back to Mark's place.
Arizona: Shut up. Just shut up. You don't get to tell me that we're not together. We are together. Because I love you and you love me, and none of the rest of it matters. We are together. And if you ever sleep with anyone else again, man or woman, I will kick the crap out of you. Now you sit your ass back down there because that's my baby in there. I don't want anything happening to my baby.
Callie (smiles): Your baby, huh?
Arizona: Our baby. There was a heart beat and it was... (puts her hand on Callie's stomach) We're having a baby. (kisses her)
Callie (between kisses): Do I still have to sit down? Because I'd rather rip your clothes off.
Arizona: I'll do the ripping. You rest. (continue kissing)
Derek: Karev, I couldn't have done it any better myself. You reassured her, you got her to focus on what was important.
Alex: I'm off the trial.
Alex: It's too depressing. I can't handle this for the next two years.
Derek: You just handled it.
Alex: No, that was Meredith talking. She told me what to say. She's been saving my ass all day. You need to get over this thing where you're just thinking of her as your wife, because your wife is the only person twisted enough to handle this crap. Oh, and that said I'm the race for Chief Resident and so far I'm kicking ass, so I'd apperciate it if you mentioned to Dr. Webber that I prioritized the patient's needs over my personal gain.
Jackson: She's wigged out. She won't say anything. I think it's my fault.
Meredith: What did you do?
Jackson: We were just both busting each other's balls, we're both on the same surgery and I may have said something about her flaming out. (opens the door, Mer walks over to Cristina who's crying)
Meredith: Hey, hey.
Cristina (sobbing): I want Owen.
Meredith (to Jackson): Go find him! (Jackson runs off, Cristina gets up, perfectly fine) What the hell...?
Cristina: He's gonna be running around for the next hour while I sew grafts on a quadruple bypass. Owen's at the dentist. He'll be hard to find.
Meredith: You are evil.
Cristina: He started it. (Mer smiles)
Richard: Damn it.
Owen: Can I help you with something, Chief?
Richard: I'm trying to look at Bailey's teets on the internet.
Owen: I think you mean tweets, sir.
Richard: Ah, whatever.
Owen: Uh, not whatever. It's important you get that one right. Here lemme try.
Richard: Bailey's putting her surgeries on the internet for the whole world to see. I told her I'd look into it, but I think it's a terrible idea.
Owen: Ah, I don't know, it might be a good way to reach students.
Richard: It might be Bailey bragging to the world about Bailey. This thing isn't designed for medicine, it's designed for gossip.
Owen: For now. I mean, look at GPS, it was designed for the US military to keep an eye of foreign troop movements and now it's in everyone's car, you know, you go out, you never have to get lost again.
Richard: I don't go out.
Owen: That's a conversation for next time.
Cristina: Martha Elkin's blood pressure is slightly elevated but I let her rest then retook it and it's fine so it should be no problem. (Jackson runs up)
Teddy: And Twittledum is here, too.
Jackson: Charts are updated. You decide who's gonna be first assist?
Teddy: Why would I decide now? Patient care has never been better, I mean, once I choose one of you is just gonna be sulking around like a surely teenager.
Jackson: Okay, this should be an easy choice. I have been practicing these graft attachments everyday for a month.
Cristina: Some of us don't need to practice.
Jackson: Sure, Yang. You got more experience overall. But these last couple months, you haven't exactly logged a lot of hours in the OR, have you? (Cristina glares then walks off)
Teddy: You really had to go there? You're that insecure?
Jackson: No, just that much of an idiot.
Mark: 911 means you're dying. Someone has to be dying!
Callie: Well, what if the baby was dying.
Mark: There's nothing wrong with the baby! Or you! You can't page me in a panic every time you have a feeling!
Callie (starts to cry): Don't yell at me! I'm a hormone casserole. My body is not my own. And something feels wrong.
Mark: Is it muscular?
Callie: No, it's a feeling in my gut.
Mark: In your uteran gut?
Callie: No, my metophorical gut! (sobbing) Arizona says she's still in but she's said that before and she left.
Mark: I don't think she's going anywhere. She loves you, Torres.
Callie: What about Lexie? What are you gonna do about her? She's your soulmate or something. She's gonna freak the hell out. Everything in my life is always a disaster, I really don't want this to be a disaster, I don't even want to move or breathe, I don't wanna do nothing, I don't-- What if I do something and it messes this baby up? (Mark hugs her)
Alex: Day one and it already blows. I got one guy begging us to get his wife on the trial and this other guy's wife wants me to steal a drug for her husband.
Meredith: Well, you're the one who wanted in on the trial of the century.
Alex: With peds, the problem is right in front of you. I mean, sick kid, worried parents. Here, you got a sick parent who doesn't even know their sick.
Meredith: Well about five years ago, I was visiting my mother and she starts telling me about how she thinks she has herpes. And how she doesn't want to go to the hospital and get checked out because she's afraid everybody will know. So, I realize that she thinks I'm her best friend from med school, and it's 35 years ago. So, I just had to just sit there and talk to my mother about her possible herpes for two hours, two very long hours. I couldn't cure her Alzheimer's but at least I could give her what she needed in that moment.
Alex: Advice about herpes?
Meredith: Advice about herpes.
Arizona: Is she okay?
Lucy: I said 'yep'. Yep is not maybe, it's 'yep'.
Mark: She paged us.
Lucy: I paged you. Callie hasn't left the exam room since you were last here, two hours ago.
Callie: Well, what if it is a molar pregnancy? Or- Or a fetal demise? Or an infection?
Lucy: She doesn't seem to wanna leave the exam room until we rule out, what? Everything?
Callie: I'm bleeding! I don't wanna take any chances with this baby.
Mark: Alright, what if we take a culture, can't hurt, right?
Derek: You know, what's really fun and not at all depressing? Alzheimer's research.
Mark; Callie's having my baby.
Mark: Right? Best news of my life. Well, at least it would be except for the fact that Lexie wants a baby just about as much as she wants a root canal. I guess I could tell her I'm the baby's uncle, but I don't wanna be the cool uncle. The cool uncle is only cool until the kid's like nine then the cool uncle is just creepy. (Derek laughs) I'm the dad. I want this and I want Lexie. What do I do? You're the man with the answers, what do you think?
Derek: How can Meredith and I try for months and not have any luck, and you look at someone and a baby appears.
Mark: Sloans' are unusually fertile.
Derek: You're a classic example of failing up.
Mark: Not exactly the advice I was looking for.
Derek: Well, it's what you got.
Lexie (looking at twitter): Mayo Clinic says 'good luck', Cleveland clinic sent you a whole bunch of smiley faces, and there's a resident from Sydney, Austrailia joining us for the very first time. Yay, Sydney!
Bailey: Turn if off, Grey. Chief's orders.
April: But this is Mr. Windsor's third operation, everyone wants to know how it comes out.
Bailey: Well, until I get the okay from the Chief we're not even gonna tweet the time of day.
April: It's not like the Chief even reads tweets, it's not like he'll know.
Bailey: Drop it, Kepner.
Lexie: I understand, he's the boss. And I'm sure that he's got his reasons, but you've also got 3,000 residents out there who have been by your side this whole time, through a couple of difficult, time cosuming, life treatning, operations. And now, to tell them forget it, just like that? It's like... It's like turning off the TV when Clarisse is knocking on the door of the house. It's silencing the lambs, and the lambs want to scream, Dr. Bailey. The lambs want to scream.
Bailey: The man would never know.
April: No, no, the man would not.
Arizona: What happened?
Callie: I might be miscarrying.
Lucy: You're not miscarrying.
Callie: Well, then it's an etopic.
Arizona: Could it be a blighted ovuam?
Mark: It's not a molar pregnancy, is it?
Lucy: Wow, we got a lot of doctors in the room.
Mark: Who are the hell are you and what are your credentials?
Lucy: Lucy Fields, Harvard M.D, Duke OBGYN resident, now maternal fetal medicine fellow at Seattle Grace Mercy West. Damn good at my job. Who the hell are you?
Mark: Uh, we're related to the...
Arizona: Oh, uh, the... the situation.
Callie: Lesbian lover. Baby daddy.
Lucy: Oh, and everybody's a little wigged out.
Lucy: Looks good. You're good.
Callie: I'm bleeding.
Lucy: It's not uncommon, happens in about 30 percent of all pregnancies. It's probably fine.
Callie: Well, I don't see a heart beat. Where's the heart beat?
Lucy: Well, it's probably too early for that. I'll do blood work, but I'm pretty sure everything's okay. Just take it easy for the next few days. Drink a lot of water, no tampons, no intercourse.
Arizona: Sing it!
Lucy: Uh, call me if the bleeding gets worse or if there's pain, otherwise go live your life, all of you, while you still can.
Arizona: Hi. What's going on? How's your day going so far?
Teddy: Good. I got a cabbage later this morning with Avery and Yang who have officially entered into the rabid dog stage in the race for Chief Resident which could be a good... (Arizona grabs her arm and pulls her off to a side hallway) ... or it could be a bad thing. You... really aren't interested in my day at all are you?
Arizona: I might be having Mark Sloan's baby.
Teddy: Oh, good lord. He got to you too?
Arizona: Callie's pregnant with Mark's kid. I love Callie and Mark is... you know, human and clearly has good genes. Because he's both pretty and smart, and I wanna have a kid but with Callie. I'm not sure that I wanna have Callie's kid with Mark so just... Can you say something to me that will make me wanna have Callie's kid with Mark?
Bailey: Oh, Chief, this is my milkshake time.
Richard: Milkshake time is not a thing. You didn't bother to tell me you're broadcasting surgeries.
Bailey: Oh, I didn't think it'd be a big deal.
Richard: Well, it is. What if something goes wrong?
Bailey: Look, the patient's who wanna do it sign a comprehensive release. And the nice thing is most of 'em wanna do it, they're excited about being on the internet.
Richard: Until they code on the table in front of the whole world.
Bailey: In which case, I stop tweeting. In the meantime, resident's from all over the country get to see a surgeon's decision making process, they get to ask questions live. It's a great teaching tool.
Richard: No, it's lawyer bait. Shut it down, Dr. Bailey.
Bailey: Sir, if you understood it, you'd be onboard.
Richard: I understand it fine.
Bailey: Uh huh.
Richard: I understand it, Dr. Bailey.
Bailey: If you say so.
Richard: I do say so. (Bailey glares) Don't gimme Bailey eyes. ... I'll look into this tweeter thing but I can't make any promises.
Bailey: Does that mean I get to tweet in the meantime?
Richard: No! It means give me a chance to look into it.
Meredith: You didn't say goodbye this morning.
Derek: I had a surgery. I didn't want to wake you.
Meredith: No, you were starting your clinical trial and you feel guilty that I'm not on it, so you snuck out.
Derek: You're right, but I don't feel guilty and I didn't sneak out.
Alex (walks up): Ah, patient number two Daniel Cobb admitted and in his room, his wife has some questions for 'ya.
Meredith: I... can't believe he picked you for this thing instead of me?
Alex: Well, Dr. Shepherd didn't want to leave anything to chance.
Meredith: Now you both can go to hell.
Derek: Meredith, it was open to all the residents Karev just did a better job at pitching me.
Meredith: It was open all the residents except for one!
Mark: Well, what did Arizona say?
Callie: She said she's in.
Mark: Well, that's good, right?
Callie: Eh, I'm still hedging my bets. I'm not gonna move back in with her until I know for sure she's not gonnna bail again.
Lexie (walks up): Hey, you got dinner plans tonight?
Lexie: I'm cooking for you tonight, your place. I rocked the lab coli. (kisses him and walks off)
Callie: So when you gonna tell her?
Mark: Not until after my home cooked meal.
Callie: Mark, you do not have to do this. I'm giving you a get out of jail free card, no hard feelings, you can be the cool uncle who hangs out on Sundays.
Mark: I'm not the cool uncle. I'm the dad.
Callie: You love Lexie. And the last time a Sloan kid appeared in Seattle she dumped you. Now, if you were the cool uncle...
Mark: I'm not the cool uncle! Don't ever say that again. This is my kid. I want this kid. (mutters) Cool uncle.
Callie: Well, so then tell her. Do not wait until this kid comes out looking all Sloan-y.
Jackson: I booked the OR, I read up on the procedure, I know this thing better than my own name at this point.
Cristina: I prerounded on the patient and her pre-op labs are all done.
Teddy: Quadruple bipasses are exciting, right? First assist gets to sew all the grafts onto the heart. Fun job.
Cristina: I want it!
Jackson: It'd be an honor.
Teddy: I know, you're thinking whoever does this gets a leg up on the race for Chief Resident. But you wanna know a good way not to get it? That's to bug the crap outta me before my day even starts.
Callie: You ready to talk now?
Arizona: I wanna say some not nice things without you saying our relationship is over or walking out.
Arizona: I'm mad that you slept with someone else and I know that we were broken up but still, you slept with someone else. And I'm even madder that that person has a penis and I know that you're bisexual, I know that but still--
Callie: Would you rather I had slept with a busty red-head 'cause...?
Arizona: You have to give me a chance to process this, okay?! I'm processing!
Callie: I didn't plan this, okay? (sits on the chair next to Arizona) I didn't plan any of this, but there's a mighty oak or whatever showing up in our lives in about seven months, so now I have to plan, and I don't know how long I can wait for you to process, (Arizona wipes away a tear) but I want you in my plan. I want you to be a part of my plan. So are you in? Or are you out?
Arizona: I'm in. I'm in. But you have to give me... I'm just-- I'm just still so mad at you. So, you have to gimme a minute.
Callie: You have to say something. Words. Make words.
Mark: Holy crap.
Mark: A baby?
Callie: Yep, growing like a weed in my uterus.
Mark: Not like a weed, like a mighty oak. (Callie looks confused) We're gonna make great parents.
Callie: Mark, you don't have to do...
Mark (puts a hand on her stomach): Are you kidding? That's my kid in there, I'm a dad. (Callie laughs) We're parents. Of a baby!
Callie (smiling): Okay, you're in.
Mark: Should we get married?
Callie (smile fades): Oh, no. I mean, I'm all for raising a baby with you, but there's a line.
Mark: You're right, that's good 'cause I'm in love with Lexie... Oh my God, Lexie. What am I gonna tell Lexie?
Callie: Okay, you think about that.
Meredith (closing voiceover): Doctors practice deception every day, on our patients, on their families. But the worst deception we practice is on ourselves. Which is why sometimes it takes us a while to realize that the truth has been in front of us the whole time.
Meredith (opening voiceover): Doctors practice deception all the time. We give vague answers to hard questions. We don't talk about post-op pain. We say you'll experience some discomfort. If you didn't die, we tell you the surgery went well, but the placebo has to be the doctor's greatest deception. Half of our patients we tell the other truth ... the other half, we pray the placebo effect's real. And we tell ourselves that they'll feel better anyhow, believing help's on the way, when, in fact, we're leaving them to die.
International Episode Titles:
Czech Republic: Nepodváděj mě (Don't Deceive Me)
Music Featured In This Episode:
1.Little Bit by Lykke Li
2.Fresh Pair of Eyes by Brooke Waggoner
3.Hero's Welcome by Archangel
4.Both Sides Are Even by The Boxer Rebellion
This episode takes place about four weeks after the last: Start Me Up. Callie was about four weeks along in that episode, in this one, she's around eight weeks along.
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: February 3, 2011 on CTV
United Kingdom: March 30, 2011 on Sky Living
Sweden: March 30, 2011 on Kanal 5
Australia: May 5, 2011 on Channel 7
Germany: June 15, 2011 on ProSieben
Norway: October 4, 2011 on TV2
Czech Republic: February 27, 2012 on Prima LOVE
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